Monday, June 30, 2008

(poo) Wanted, starring Angelina Poolie

hmm, didn't poo yesterday, or saturday. Pooed on friday night, but it was at the girlfriend's, so no picture.

Ate little bits and pieces of things all weekend. Really just snacks here and there. Some pita and hummus, some macaroni salad, some coleslaw, etc. A couple of beers, no coke.

Went to Sneaky Dee's last night to see The Word Burglar (white halifax hip hop) but didn't even have a drink.

Today is the first day of Phase III of p90x for me and except for tomorrow, man I'm going at it full throttle! We went to see Wanted yesterday and it was amazing. I know I can never do what is done in that movie, when when I workout, when I finish a p90x workout I feel more powerful, more in control and just plain stronger. Plus, near the end when the main guy is in the apartment and he's wet with his shirt off, he looks amazing.

Also saw Jumper this weekend. It was fun, very light. Reminded me of The Butterfly Effect in tone and spirit. Anyway, my girlfriend said my arms are bigger than Hayden Christensen's, and that would be all because of p90x. I know he isn't much to compare myself against, but still, it's a bit of encouragement.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Just rain dammit!

It has been hazy and humid in Toronto most of the week and I'm getting a little tired of it.
Yesterday morning I had a lovely bike ride along the misty lake and it was cool, but warm and comfortable and quite nice. But the weather network said it was going to rain so I walked all the way to school instead of riding my bike. It didn't rain, it's not going to rain today either, although it feels like it really should. Maybe it'll rain on Saturday but you can't trust anything.
Regarding my bathroom: Some guys came by to check out the roof, then contractors looked at the bathroom and the ceiling and... and we haven't heard anything from the landlord about when, or how long or anything. Lame.

Thursday, June 26, 2008


Look out!!

It's like a little avalanche of poo.

I was up very early this morning, 5am, to do my p90x workout, but it was yoga, I wasn't feeling very flexible or energetic and something in my left ankle/foot kept twinging on me so I only did about half. But then I went on a nice long bike ride along the shoreline, almost to Etobicoke. I did a little reading, ate an apple, drank some water and was back before 8:30. It was nice and I had a nice poo before getting into the shower.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

This Afternoon's Shit, brought to you by...

... Coca Cola, in case you couldn't tell from the picture.

Isn't it amazing how coke just soft of shreds your shit?

I didn't feel like I was going to have a shit like this until I drank a glass of coke then, like medication, suddenly I had to go, and this was the result.

I have a long, mostly happy relationship with coke. I used to drink bucket-loads of it. A can with every lunch throughout highschool, then I'd got a 2L bottle every friday with a bag of chips and a couple of movies. Usually there'd be another bottle by Saturday, and I'd drink more throughout the week while watching tv or doing homework or whatever. It was always coke instead of anything else. Except for breakfast.

These days I drink a lot more water while I'm at home, but if I'm out there's usually a coke to tide me over. It's strange. If I'm home all day I can go all day without coke. Even at my girlfriend's place there's a store right across the street, I could buy all the coke I could ever want, but I don't bother, I just drink water. If I'm out for more than a few hours though, and I get thirsty, I buy a coke. If I'm feeling responsible I'll just get a can, but if I plan on drinking it over the course of the afternoon I'll get a bottle.

And I used to collect coke stuff. Can't say I'm as supportive of them anymore for their activities in developing countries and because of the kinds of shits it gives me, but I still like it.

Just another poo


It's not that I'm becoming disinterested in this blog, it's that I'm afraid I don't have much to offer. Yes, today I pooed. This is what the poo looked like. Ta daa.

Last night I ate left over turkey curry with rice, had one beer earlier in the afternoon. Drank a little less than a litre of water while sitting in the park (but definitely more than a litre over the course of the day), started my p90x workout but stopped before the end of the warm up.

Today I have to do some grocery shopping. I have to make sure I eat better and more often if I'm going to have the energy to finish up p90x right. Phase III starts next week and I REALLY want to kick it's ass and finish on a high note.

I'm considering putting all these poos onto a cd and leaving copies of the cd in various bathrooms around the city. I think I need at least a hundred though, so I'm not ready yet. Plus I should watermark each of the images with the address of this blog. That sounds tedious. Is there a quick and easy way to just make photoshop do that to a bunch of selected pictures?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Hulk Poo!

I had a good birthday. Maybe it was the coke, or just the constant stream of guests (my family came over for the afternoon, followed by friends in the evening), but I don't think I pooed on Saturday or Sunday. I might have, but it wasn't very memorable and my girlfriend was around so I didn't take any pictures (sorry 'bout that).

Yesterday however, my girlfriend I went to see The Incredible Hulk movie at the Varsity and snuck in our candy. I brought a large bag of peanut m&ms and a bottle of coke. She just brought in a bottle of water but bought popcorn, which I ate of freely.

I guess the coke did what coke does best because I had to poo real good by the time the movie was over (good movie too by the way, lots of fun, lots of good Hulk Smash and all that, plus Edward Norton, so...). I was meeting my team at a pub near my school for that extra-curricular project I've mentioned before but I had to poo first.

It started off nice and healthy feeling, just a good well paced crap you know, but I guess once we got past sunday's shit the coke and m&m's made their influence felt and you can see the result. Yuck. I hadn't had any dinner yet, but I didn't have much appetite after this.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Happy Birthday poo

It's my birthday tomorrow, but I'm celebrating a little bit early by skipping my p90x workout for the day. I'll do it next week, during my recovery week. That's right, Phase II is done! Pretty exciting! I really need to get more strict about my diet though, I've been having pizza and lots and lots of cheese, eggs, bread, etc, etc. This weekend won't be good for much either since it's my birthday.

Tonight my girlfriend is taking me to Beer Bistro on King at Yonge. Looks like a very classy, very carnivorous place, with hundreds of beers to choose from. Each menu item (including desserts) is paired with a beer, so I'm looking forward to it. I will definitely pig out. And tomorrow I'm having a couple of friends over to play some Wii and eat pizza, drink some beer, some wine, and so on. Not a party exactly, just easy going good times. I should have a good poo to show for it afterwards too, so look out for that!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

"snakey" not "wormy"



I should let you know right off the bat that the second poo today was a coffee poo. Which is why it's so wormy looking. Maybe I shouldn't say wormy, let's say snakey. People don't "get snakes", but they do "get worms" and I don't want to suggest that I have worms.

I believe the lighter bits in the poos are dried mango once again. If you'll recall I have mixed feelings about dried mangos but ultimately I find them to be rather tasty, so I like to eat them.

I've been trying to have a productive day today but the weather is all overcast and I feel listless. All I managed to accomplish before having the coffee was to import more of my CDs onto my computer. Not too exciting. After the coffee, however, I did some work on a group project I'm working on this summer, and that has been very productive and rather exciting. I would go into more detail about it but it's really not even remotely poo-related, so I won't bore you with it.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


So I got up at 5, got dressed, ate some mini-wheats and left my girlfriend's apartment with the intention of coming home, doing today's p90x workout, eating some more breakfast and having my day get off to a strong start before 9am.

I didn't feel all that tired. I felt pretty good considering the recipe I made for dinner last night called for a 1/4 glass of white wine, so I drank the rest of it. I got home and had Poo #1 up there at the top. Not much of a poo. I thought there'd be a lot more but even that little bit was hard to get out.

I sat down at my computer and had a look at what the day's workout had in store for me and decided to have a nap. After an hour though I still didn't feel up to it. I guess I was in fact hung over a little. tch tch. So I slept some more, until about 9:15 or so I guess. Feeling much better I got up and guess what! Another poo (#2)! Much more satisfying, the kind of poo I want to have when I'm hung over. Cleansing, you know?

So now I'm feeling much better, but it's too late in the morning to work out, so I'm doing more productive things and will work out in the afternoon.

P.S.: I made Gordon Ramsay's Baked Chicken in a zucchini, eggplant and tomato ragout and it was REALLY GOOD. Just about the best chicken I've ever made. I highly recommend picking up "Fast Food", great recipes and nice design too!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

ipood touch

Perhaps a blatant marketing ploy. All I really have to report is that I was up at 5 this morning. Worked out, had a poo (picture left), and continued the long process of transferring all my cds onto my computer so that I won't have to do it when or if I eventually get an ipod.

Meanwhile, someone started a thread on for p90x updates. So if you're looking for the same level of absurdity coupled with p90x, that's where you'll find it. Also it proves that p90x is now in the popular culture, ranking somewhere between the movie Underworld and The Magic Bullet home appliance. Way to go P90X! You've earned the ironic appreciation and hipster scorn you're been working towards! If you really want to take it further you'll start advertising on American Gladiators.

Monday, June 16, 2008


Yeah I've been slacking off a bit too much. I had stuff to do on Friday, or I just didn't want to bother to leave my girlfriend's place and come back to my place. Anyway, the thing is I haven't done a p90x workout since wednesday. That's not good. I missed Yoga, Legs and Back, Kenpo and Stretch.

It would be difficult to cram all that into TODAY. But what I'm going to try is to do Yoga right after I post this, and then later this afternoon I'll do today's workout. Tomorrow morning I'll do Legs and Back from last week and then later tomorrow I'll do tomorrow's workout. I'm already exhausted thinking about it. I don't know. Maybe I'll just have lunch, let it settle and just do today's workout. But I REALLY want to work on my legs more. Grr, I'm stupid. And all of this takes up a lot of time. Each workout is about an hour long and Yoga is an hour and a half! It's already noon! Fuck. I have to start getting up early again. it's the only way.

Meanwhile, here's a poo I had this morning. It came out easy, I can barely remember it.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Straight forward and simple

Well today was kind of nice. My girlfriend and I walked over to Yonge Street in the lovely weather. We ate asian noodles and avoided the rain quite smartly. Went to the Eaton Centre and bought her dad a gift, then she took the subway to go meet her him for father's day and I went back to her place. Drank a coke on the way. Had a poo when I got there. Here it is.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Back on Track

Okay, so the poo is looking a little better today. I bought a bunch of good groceries the other day, got back on the p90x horse after skipping a couple of days and I'm all hardcore and stuff again.
Spent yesterday helping my dad launch his boat then wandered around downtown oshawa for a bit. Lots of sketchy folks down there but also... I don't know, I kind of love downtown oshawa. Of course, I also blog about my poo. shrug.

Had some tacos from that bright yellow place that makes its own tortillas with a shiny chrome machine (can remember or find the name of it anywhere but I seem to remember it being reviewed somewhere recently) in Kensington and they were pretty good. Really basic, rather cheap, quite tasty, and I didn't get the runs. Definitely better than Taco Bell, obviously. And you can buy a kilo of their taco tortillas for $3.00

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Ceiling Came Crashing Down

Well, I wasn't there, but the ceiling of my bathroom has been falling down over the last four days. First a large chunk came down on Friday while my roommate was in the shower. Then Monday morning at about 3am a much large chunk crashed down. Looks great.

This, by the way, directly affects my pooing because the floor is filthy now, which means my pants get all dirty sitting on the floor while I crap. Haven't bothered to clean it up too well because the landlord is going to fix it up. Although, maybe I should do a mopping, or clean it up because I would be surprised if it was fixed before September.

As you can tell from recent photos my poos have been really disgusting lately. Maybe this is how they used to be, before I started taking pictures of them. It's hard to say, I didn't pay too much attention before. Generally I feel okay though, so I'm not worried. If any of you are poo doctors and are concerned by the appearence of my poo maybe you could give me some advice.

Monday, June 9, 2008

High Resolution Poo

I was at my girlfriend's place this morning, back from the weekend with the parents, and my phone was charging, so after she left for work and I had to have a poo I grabbed her camera and brought it in with me. I'm not saying this will become a regular thing, let's just call this episode a bonus, but as you can tell the results are rather impressive. If she ever buys a new digital camera I'll get this one to play with on a regular basis. I don't know if you good folks will want the higher quality images or not, but here's a peek at what the future may hold.

Yesterday my girlfriend met me at Union Station when my train came in and I was feeling fine. It was fucking hot on the walk back to her place but I was still feeling mostly okay. We stopped at 711 for slurpees and about two blocks away I got a severe, montrous headfreeze.

I've never had a migraine, but this was how I imagined a migraine feels. Plus I guess the super coldness of it, or something, was giving me trouble in my stomach as well. I got a severe stomach pain at the same time as the headfreeze and I could barely walk.

The pains subsided soon enough but then I started to feel just generally really awful. My head didn't hurt that much but I was nauseous and slow. By the time we got to my girlfriend's place I felt like I was going to throw up and I'm sure it was due to the heat, and exasperated by the sickly sweet slurpee. Not that I know anything about any of this though.

She wanted to fool around, and so did I, but I didn't even want to be touched so I lied in bed with a damp cloth on my head while she read. Eventually I recovered and we did it, so that was great but man what a horrible return to the city!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Parents House Day 3 - The Final Chapter

Yeah, I forgot and wiped before taking the picture again. I also spat a thick loogie in the bowl at some point (that's not semen in the water), so this is not a very good picture, but it wasn't the greatest poo either.

Some morning poos are really great but others, like this one, are unpleasant. Something tells me all that coke led up to this.

Spent a lot of yesterday and all of today helping my dad get his boat ready for the water, but in the end he was too tired and beat to finish it up. This was okay by me. I wasn't expecting to have to do all that work all weekend, I thought I'd just be helping out at the Yacht Club to raise the boat off the trailer and lower it into the water. So I was kind of beat too. Oh well, I'll probably go back out there on wednesday.

My mom made bacon and pancakes for lunch today. A whole pound of bacon and enough pancakes for my entire family: 2 parents, 3 sons, 1 daughter in law, 4 grandkids. It was a lot of pancakes. I ate four. Apparently my mom needs to learn how to scale back a little.

Pooin' at the 'rents' Day Two

So it was my niece's 5th birthday part today. 20, dirty, clumsy, ugly Oshawa kids running around a small backyard with their dirty, ugly, stupid parents completely ignoring them. Not COMPLETELY ignoring, but you know, not really interested in anything they're doing.

Lunch was hot dogs, of course, and coke. Man, I drank a lot of coke today. Only one beer, but probably about 6 cans of coke. I don't feel too bad about it really, but I'm sure I will.

It's strange though, coke doesn't seem to have much of an impact on my system when I'm at my parent's house. Don't know what that's about.

Smoked salmon turned into grilled salmon and grilled squash for dinner tonight. While the smoker was heating up the flame blew out, so it would have been an extra hour or more before it would be ready. We were all too hungry. As it was, it was delicious, so I couldn't complain, but my roommate really likes smoked salmon so I was hoping I could report back to her on the quality of home-smoked salmon.

As for p90x I didn't do my Kenpo X today. I woke up really fucking tired this morning and have stayed up too late tonight. I probably won't do X Stretch tomorrow either. Although what I should do is cram the whole week's worth of workout into the next two days while I'm in a home with air conditioning. How are you supposed to work out when it's 40 degrees?

Friday, June 6, 2008

Meet the Poorents

I'm spending the weekend at my parents house in order to attend my niece's 5th birthday party and to help my dad launch his boat. Usually staying with my parents means eating steak and french fries, or hamburgers and french fries, or roast beef and mashed potatoes, or something else along those lines.

By the way, doesn't this poo look like a slice of pizza?

My parents, however, have been trying to eat better because they're getting pretty damn old, and pretty damn heavy. So far it's been working and my dad has lost 20 pounds or so, which is a amazing. What's disturbing about it though is that he doesn't really look thinner, so I don't know what's going on.

Tonight we had Shrimp and Vegetable kabobs. Pretty good, not too exciting. We'll be having smoked salmon tomorrow night. My dad got a smoker for his birthday, so he'll be smoking it himself, which is kind of exciting.

Oh, staying with my parents also means an unlimited supply of beer, coke and chips. Since those are usually only purchased for me, the presence of these items is not affected by my parent's diet.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Kibbles and Bits and Cottage Cheese

Don't these two look like dog food and cottage cheese, respectively?

I haven't been having a good week. I haven't been eating very well, I actually flushed a poo without taking a picture by accident the other day AND I've been a little depressed about being a loser lately. The result: Shits like the above two, both in the same day. And I had another soupy one last night but my girlfriend was around so I didn't photograph it. Sorry.

I still don't have a job. I'm running out of money. My girlfriend says she'll loan me my rent, but what guy wants his girlfriend to do that?! I'm a bum, a dead beat, a loser, etc.

On the bright side, this week marks the start of Phase II of my P90X. I'm quite impressed with myself for making it this far. The sad truth though is that I probably wouldn't have made it this far if I had a job. How depressing is that.

Plus the weather has been fucking awful lately. We had a couple of good sunny days this week, but it rained last weekend and it's really weird out right now. It was supposed to be 30 celsius, feels like 40, but instead it's 17! I don't know who fucked that up, and it feels like it's going to rain any second, but it hasn't yet. Story of my life.

Yeah, the whole idea of "eating well", like even marginally following the p90x nutrition guide has been completely ignore the last two to three weeks. Not COMPLETELY ignored, but in the past week or two I've had a few beers, a pound of wings, half a large pizza, about 4 litres of coke, ice cream, candy, etc, etc, etc. I wouldn't have taken notice at all two or three months ago, but now I'm all "ugh, that's unhealthy, blah blah blah". Probably has a lot to do with my mood eh?

Yoga X today was brutal. I felt like a whiny baby. I started off fine but by half way through I was just pissed off by everything. Couldn't even appreciate the stretching feeling.

Life sucks. but I guess it'll only get better.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


Two days of nothin' followed by this. Yuck. If the water seems a little murkey it's because I accidentally wiped before taking the picture and I had to use a q-tip to move the toilet paper out of the way, which predictably swirled things around a little bit. I'm sorry about that.