A New Day

Yeah, I don't know what happened the last couple of days. On Tuesday I pooed in the afternoon, then again late at night (like, I got up out of bed at 11:30 to go poo), then in the morning too! The last two weren't photographed because I was at my girlfriend's house. Maybe it was the waffles?

On our way home the other night my girlfriend and I spotted a pile of junk left over from a yard sale. It appeared to be free for the taking. Among the dishrack and a bunch of other crap was a heart shaped waffle iron! So we took it and looked up recipes. Pretty delicious! Then later on I got piles of poop backed up in me. Go figure.

I told my roommate about this blog. I'd mentioned starting something like this a long time ago and then one day she heard the shutter sound effect of my phone while I was in the bathroom. What lie could I have possibly invented to cover my tracks? So I told her the truth. I have begun documenting my poos and publishing them online. She had a look. She doesn't think my poos look healthy. I can't argue, but I feel healthy. She may begin taking photos of her poos as well. She may end up another writer on this blog. Probably not though because she's a squeemish little girl. We'll see.

Holy Crap

I just kept pooing and pooing today. I don't even know what to say. Just enjoy it I guess. You lucky people!!

Really should have pooed earlier.

You know how it is, you've got shit to do, no time to poo! But it's up to you, and I know what you do, I do it too, you let it stew and when your guts turn to goo that's when you poo, when there's nothing you can do to stop it.

Maybe I do this too often. I can feel the poo, but I'm like, "nah, I can hold it". And I hold it, but near the end of what I'm doing I'm not feeling so great. Especially if it's a work out. You really, REALLY, don't want to be doing squats with a poo in your guts.

My girlfriend has strange habits when it comes to poos. She waits until she needs to poo, like RIGHTNOW!! but it just takes her seconds, a minute at most. Usually it takes her about the same amount of time to pee as it does to poo. I find that strange. She claims that they're often quite large, but come out quickly.

The only time I've seen one of her poos, ugh. I had pooed and then gone for a shower. I hadn't flushed because I didn't want the shower water to be screwed up by the filling of the tank. Then my girlfriend comes into the bathroom because she has to poo. I told her to go ahead and flush "I can take it", but she said, "no, it's okay" and she pooed on top of my poo! When I came out I had a look. it wasn't pretty. Her poo was dark, looking like chocolate fudge ice cream, and the combined mass of our two poos meant that hers was poking up out of the water. I can almost smell it now. Real, classic shit smell. Like the smell you imagine when you watch Two Girls One Cup. The smell that makes you want to retch. and it came from my cute little girlfriend. Wow.

Of course that's what this blog is all about: A reminder that Everybody Poos. I do it and you do it too!

hmm, thought there was more up there...

Been feeling it in there all morning but never felt it enough to want to push it out, so I just went about my business. Did some YogaX, ate some lunch, got some groceries, came home, put the food away and suddenly really needed to poo.

I thought there'd be more than what came out though. That's a close-up shot, so don't be confused. It looks big, but it's not really. I guess it might be kind of thick, and pretty dense, but there wasn't much.

I'm back on the p90x after a 1 week break. I'd stopped just before the recovery week and since it was the Victoria Day long weekend it was kind of difficult to get up early, or find any time to work out from friday to monday. Then on tuesday I had that interview and was in a state of suspended animation until friday when they rejected me for the position. My girlfriend says it's a good thing because it wasn't in my field anyway, but I'd still rather have SOMETHING to do.

So now I'm back on it, and I'm going to make a schedule for myself, so I can do p90x, and stuff that's actually productive. If I'm not going to work I'm certainly not going to be a bum!

On the Runs

Something in my lower guts quivered as my girlfriend and I walked towards Bloor street after having dinner at Shanghai Cowgirl. I'd had the same thing as last time, the Philly Cheese sandwich, but this evening the sauce tasted a bit different. I thought maybe it was just a bit too creamy, or instead of actually using mushrooms they used a can of soup. Whatever it was it didn't taste so great.

I don't neccessarily blame the food there for what happened though. The only other thing I'd had to eat during the day was a small glass of Mudslide, a sausage from the street corner and a can of coke. And I had a can of pepsi with the Philly Cheese sandwich.

By the time we got to Harbord it was decided that I would go directly to my girlfriend's house and she would continue up to Bloor to rent a movie and get some candy. I really didn't feel like getting any candy though.

The walk on Harbord from Spadina to Bathurst was intense. I felt sweat beading up on my ass and thighs. I couldn't be sure it wasn't poo leaking out of my ass. I didn't dare let out any farts or unclench my buttocks for any reason. I knew this would be a gusher.

I made it up the stairs to my girlfriend's apartment, opened the door, grabbed a book ("Hyperion") and undid my pants. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get my pants off in time and almost cursed the decision to waste precious miliseconds picking up the book, but I managed to sit down on the toilet in time to let it all out.

ugh, what a sound.

and the smell!

Of course, nothing really beats the sensation of expelling something foul from your body.

Feeling kinda Shitty to tell you the truth

Don't laugh, it's not a joke. I feel like crap. Not sick, just shitty. No energy, no interest in anything, just generally poopy.

This was my poop today. I can't even remember it. I guess it was right after I said goodbye to my girlfriend but before I got in the shower. Totally forgetable. Just like me.

The best thing about today is that I finished Splinter Cell: Double Agent on the Wii, then I topped my high score in tanks on Wii Play. Pretty fucking exciting eh? And I got my ass kicked three games in a row on Wii Tennis. But you, they expect more from a "Pro".

La dee da. That's what I did all day while waiting to hear about that job I interviewed for on Tuesday. It's getting late in the day so I decided to call. The lady says her boss is going over the resumes and they'll make a decision by 6. Great. I don't know what to do if i don't get that job.

Ate a sausage from the street and drank a can of coke on my way to my house from my girlfriend's. But that was after the poo. Haven't eaten anything else today. Could be the cause of my ennui.

This poo spilled out of my ass.

I knew it would too. I could feel it. It's my fault for not pooing earlier. I had to poo earlier today but it wasn't like I NEEDED to, so I waited. I won a cheeseburger by peeling off the sticker from a Burger King fries so i redeemed that instead of pooing. I knew that would come back to haunt me, but it was a free burger and I had to return a movie anyway.

By the time I got home I didn't have to poo at all, which is never a good sign. I didn't do much this afternoon, and I didn't feel like doing much so I made a cup of coffee to get me motivated. Motivated onto the toilet apparently.

You ever get that feeling in your bowels where you know that if you were forced to run you'd end up with shit going down the backs of your legs? Yeah, I had that going on. Luckily I wasn't in gym class ('cause I've been through that before), so I just made my way to the toilet and sat down with "Rant". Out it came in one foul sploosh. Ick. Not watery at all though, just you know, soft and in bits and pieces, as you can see. I read about one page and then I was done so I snapped the pic and here you go!

My job interview on tuesday went fairly well by the way. As long as the other applicants were dumb-bells I'm a shoe-in. But who knows. I got an email from another job I thought I'd be appropriate for this morning rejecting my application. bastards. Glad I slept in.

What A Rip Off!

So take a good look at this picture. Notice the pale yellow portions of the poo? There are two clearly visible yellow lumps in that major cable, plus another at the end of the largest of the floaters. The two little floaters near the bottom of the photo are actually the same material as the yellow lumps, but they're coated in poo, so they're disguised a little.

The material? dried mango. Why do I feel ripped off? Because I just ate that damn dried mango this morning! I only bought it this morning in fact! and now look! For crying out loud!

I guess the real lesson here is to chew more thoroughly. I hang my head in shame. On the up-side, however, my poo today met many of the criteria set out by the "ideal poo" webpage linked at the side of this page. How well does your stool stand up?

Hum a little Ditty...

So my girlfriend left the bed to pee but didn't bother to close the door, as usual. Suddenly, however, there came loud flatuance and she called out, "Nothing! Hum a little ditty!" so I couldn't hear her poo.

It's a fun little game we have. I'm always trying to see her poo and she's always pretending that she doesn't want me to see her poo, or know that she is pooing.

So I made up a song while she pooped:

Hum a little ditty
a hum hum hum
hum a little ditty
while she poos

Hum a little ditty
a hum hum hum
hum a little ditty
a ditty ditty

girlfriend is pooin'
a hum hum so
hum a little ditty
while she poos

hum a little ditty
a hum hum hum
hum a little ditty
to hide the poo

girlfriend is pooin'
a hum hum it goes
plop plop plop
a ditty ditty

etc.

Anyway, this isn't her poo, it's mine, and it was two days in the making.

3:10 to Pooma

Don't know what to say. It felt like this poo was coming out for a long time, but when I looked it wasn't very long. The first log I mean, it felt like it was going to be a big long coil, I could almost feel the poo changing angle as it spiraled around at the bottom of the toilet. But no, I was wrong. Just a standard poo. I don't get it. I guess it just goes to show that no matter how close you pay attention to your poo you can never really know what's going on down there until you look.

Watched the new 3:10 to Yuma starring Russel Crowe and Christian Bale this afternoon. It was good. A little gritty, etc. I haven't seen the old one so I can't compare, but this felt a little thin. Not much substance to it. Civil War amputee Christian Bale gets no respect from his kids 'cause he's pushed around by the lender he owes. Takes a job escorting a famous stage-coach robber for $200 so he can pay off some debts. Lots of gun fights and whatnot. Earns the respect of his son, etc. It's good, but there's not much more to it.

Kinda like the poo I had today. Probably won't remember it too well in a month of so. Then again, that's why I've got this blog here, to remember. the poo.

FLOATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Got some serious floaters this time folks! There were even little air bubbles come out of the poos! You can kind of see one of them. What sort of process do you think takes place to give your poos air pockets? Would Yoga do that to your poo? Sort of like folding the poo over itself again and again?

As you can see these poos have the same appearance as recent poos but for some reason: Floaters!

In other news a cockroach was discovered in the bathroom by my roommate. So everyone is freaked out and vowed war on the roaches. Two days later things are being cleaned. They're hardcore like that.

You know I've been thinking about this blog a bit and it's gotten to the point now where I would feel guilty for having a poo and not photographing it. Is that strange?

It's a little poo!

All that work and this was the best I could do this morning. Unbelievable! Squeeze, squeeze, nothing.

I did the p90x yoga today. Wonder if that had anything to do with it. Actually as I was pushing I was admiring my abs and thinking what a great help these ab exercises have been for my pooing. Then again, maybe not.

I just got a call for an interview for monday, so that's exciting. It's not exactly in my field but it's something and it's not free work, so that's good. I hope I get it. It's at Yonge and Lawrence which could mean a lot more reading to get done on the subway or some seriously thick thighs by the end of the summer from cycling up there every day. I think I'll try to ride up there at least once a week. Maybe I'll do a test run today. It occurs to me that Monday is a holiday however. Strange. Maybe lawyers don't take holidays? It doesn't matter much to me anyway, every day is a holiday until I start working.

Laaaast Niiiight, I pooooooed...

Two poos in one day. I think it might have had something to do with staying at my own house tonight instead of at my girlfriends house. It isn't that she makes me constipated at all but I guess when I'm alone there's this particular kind of boredom that sets in where I think "Well I guess I could go for a poo", and I take a book into the bathroom and start crapping.

Incidentally I am currently reading Rant by Chuck Palahniuk. I just restarted it after being away from it about ten months due to school. It's pretty good, just sort of describing the adolescence of the title character for now. I'm curious to see where it goes though.

Next texture tonight eh? Nice and dark colour, fairly rigid. I'm proud of this one.

Tales of UnemPOOment

Yeah, I'm starting to get a little depressed about the job hunt. I've had no response from anyone I've sent my resume to, except to say that they've already hired their group of students for the summer.

My girlfriend suggested I try a different approach which is to offer up free labour, so I sent out a new batch of resumes today with that suggestion attached. One consultant has already gotten back to me to say that he only hires senior planners. At least he replied.

This poo came out as soon as I got home from my girlfriend's place this morning. It was a simple affair but as you can see not as robust or continuous as other recent defecations. I don't know what that's really about. I've actually had a lot of gas since squeezing this one out and I've been a little nervous about pooping myself a couple of times when I've farted. The worst was while doing my p90x workout of the day, Ab Ripper X calls for a lot of abdominal flexing as you can imagine and I was sure my next "heels to the heavens" pulse up was going to land me with a load in my shorts. Luckily I finished clean (although fairly sweaty).

Oh yeah!

Here we go! This is why we're here isn't it?! One nice, long, thick cable to brag about! Yes!

Last night I cooked for my girlfriend and myself. It was the Sticky Lemon Chicken with Champ recipe from Gordon Ramsay's Fast Food book. It was really good and quite simple to make. Didn't cost much either. I think next time I'll slice up the chicken a bit thinner, or maybe even cut into it so that some of the flavour makes its way inside the meat, but yeah, it was pretty darn good.

I'm into the final week of Phase One of p90x, and I'm pretty excited to be done with some of the workouts. I realize the workouts coming up in Phase Two will be at least as tough but I'm just getting tired of some of the banter of the videos. It'll be nice to change it up some.

So I'm still looking for work. I think it's going to come down to me calling up offices and asking if I can work for them on a volunteer basis, for free. I'm not sure exactly how to do that, or if it is done, but I can't let this be another Lost Summer. Wish me luck!

Disconcerting

First poo in a little while for me. Not sure what's going on. Probably just a little stressed or tense. Maybe not enough fibre in this p90x diet, I don't know.

Nice double helix on this bunch of poo though eh? Kind of looks like some DNA or one of those twisty donuts.

I'm a little concerned about the advertising on this blog. I've got it set up with adsense, but I'm not getting anything. Sometimes there are ads, sometimes there aren't, sometimes they're charity ads. I was really hoping to see ads for exlax or fibre supplements. I thought talking about my p90x experience would help generate ads for p90x, I thought talking about being a fan of Gordon Ramsay would generate Gordon Ramsay ads, but I guess high rollers like Fox and the Food Network don't need to advertise with Google. It's a little disappointing that's all.

Also I'm not getting any readers. Not sure how to promote this thing. Can't seem to find any similar forums or other blogs where readers might be interested in this sort of thing. Shit.

Many unrecorded Poos

I've been spending a lot of time at my girlfriend's house lately and since I'm not sure how she would react to my photographing of everything that comes out of my butt, I've decided to keep this blog a secret from her. As a result I have made many poos that have not been photographed. I am sorry.

The good news is that most of them have been almost exactly like this one: Just a couple of medium sized logs of unexceptional colour.

In other news: Iron Man is a great, fun movie; P90X continues to be a challenge but I'm not entirely sure who is kicking whom's butt on that one. Maybe I have to turn it up a notch; I still haven't found a job for the summer; I really want to move in with my girlfriend but my roommates don't want to have to find someone new for my room and my girlfriend doesn't want to move out of her place and really I get more work done at home than I ever would if I lived with my girlfriend.

Keep on pooing in the free world!

Dookie

Hey, another green poo! And check out that texture! It looks like pot! or dreadlocks. Must be the cabbage, that's about the only thing I've been eating consistantly over the past two days. Although I have also added a few things to my diet thanks to P90X, such as cottage cheese, and salad.

Today I had a salad with red lettuce, broccoli, celery, green onion and cottage cheese. It was pretty tasty, but it did not affect this poo since this poo actually came this morning after my workout, but before my lunch.

Yep, p90x is still kicking my ass, but just a little bit less so today. It was Yoga X today, but shit, I sweated through the first half as if it was plyometrics. Seriously. I hurt a little less today too, although that could be from the Rub A535. *shrug*

Can't seem to find a job yet. None of the jobs I applied for in the past couple of months have called me back and it seems all the offices I've applied to this week have already hired their students for the summer. Getting kind of anxious.