Sunday, December 28, 2008

Vancouver Pooin'

I am actually writing this post from The Future, specifically January 4th, 2009 and I cannot recall the circumstances of each poo as they appear here. I apologize. In the future I will take care to make notes. What I will say is that these poos were made between the dates of December 22nd, 2008 and January 3rd, 2009.

Flight, coffee, poor diet and the gentle stress of travel has resulted in a touch of constipation. This is actually the first poo I've had since arriving in Vancouver on December 26th. As you'll notice it is now the 28th. Yuck.

But consider this: You fly to Vancouver to meet your girlfriend's mother. She usually lives in China but is in the city for work. She has a nice suite at a downtown hotel so you and your girlfriend are staying with the mother. How keen would you be to go take a shit while they watch HGTV in the next room? yeah.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Poo!



I am actually writing this post from The Future, specifically January 4th, 2009 and I cannot recall the circumstances of each poo as they appear here. I apologize. In the future I will take care to make notes. What I will say is that these poos were made between the dates of December 22nd, 2008 and January 3rd, 2009.

Merry Christmas!

I got a book, The Death and Life of Great American Cities by Jane Jacobs, a DVD of Bottle Rocket by Wes Anderson, a gift card for $50 redeemable at a number of affiliated restaurants, a black sweater, TWO slankets (!!!!), some cash, and a subscription for Seed Magazine. It was a pretty good christmas even though my girlfriend is in Vancouver visiting her mom. I'll be joining her on Boxing Day though, so it's not too bad.

Monday, December 22, 2008

On holiday

I am on holiday, but I don't want you to think that I won't be making poo and taking pictures of it. That will certainly continue. The difference however is that I won't be posting my poos until I get back. Although, I should remind you once again that I always date my posts according to when the photo was taken, so if you are reading these posts in the future you will notice no strange clumps. The calendar will look normal, etc.

For example, here's something I like to do when I find a blog that is no longer being added to: Let's say I get onto a blog and the last post was two years ago. I'll go back to the first year that the blog was in existence, and I'll find the date that corresponds to the current day from which I am viewing the post. It may be January 4th, 2009 where I am but I'll start reading the blog from the January 4th, 2005 entry and I won't read ahead. That way I preserve all the pacing and boredom of the original publication. 

I don't really do that, but i always thought it would be fun. Like watching a movie that takes place in real time.

So, all that being said I am actually writing this post from The Future, specifically January 4th, 2009 and I cannot recall the circumstances of each poo as they appear here. I apologize. In the future I will take care to make notes. What I will say is that these poos were made between the dates of December 22nd, 2008 and January 3rd, 2009.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Like a christmas fruit cake... of poo

This poo was a little bit of everything, just look at those smooth logs at the bottom, the chunky Oh Henry type pieces on top. And you can't tell but there are a few kibbles in there too. Quite a horror show this one was!

And it occurred in the basement bathroom where I am now living. Not an ideal place to take a shit and I'll tell you why. First, the toilet is not very securely fastened to the ground. It wobbles as you shift your weight, especially when you wipe. Secondly, there is no fan in the bathroom, so you're left to swim in your own stank. Third, the bathroom is right next to my office area in the basement, meaning that the un-exhausted stank floats effortlessly towards where I do things like post pictures of my poo on the internet. So I'm not sure how often I'll use this bathroom.

Plus, as you may be able to tell the lighting is bad for poo shots. There's a lot of glare because the light is almost right above the toilet and the ceiling is low. The up-side of the low ceiling is that the closeness of the light makes my shadow look huge when I'm sitting on the toilet. It's kind of fun.

It's almost christmas, which will be spent at my parents house, followed by a trip to vancouver to visit my girlfriend's mom, so don't expect an update until I get back. I will try, however, to capture as many of my poos for you so I can post them later. If you are reading this in the future you will not notice any difference though because I always date my posts according to when the photo was taken, not when I wrote the post. Please excuse the deception, I think it helps the blog flow.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Pooin' at Work

No, I don't really have a job, but today I worked a few hours at my old job at the framing store. The place is falling apart. Business is in the toilet, customer service is a luxury the boss doesn't feel she can afford to provide, staff morale is sub-basement and I don't even think the standard of work has been preserved. It's a disaster. Oh, and the funny thing is the reason I worked there at all. I called and asked if they were busy and said I'd be willing to work a bit if they needed me. The boss said sure I could come in, but basically used me as an excuse to not come into work. So they didn't need me, she just didn't want to be bothered to do anything. Good priorities!

Oh, and here's what the toilet looks like:

Monday, December 15, 2008

A Poo Monster

Does this remind you of The Thing? It reminds me of The Thing somewhat. Realy gross, not of this world, etc, etc. I wouldn't have bothered to document this one except that it was so hideous and I happened to have my camera/phone in the bathroom with me.

It used to be that I never pooed without my camera, but as you can tell by the dates of these posts it is becoming a more rare occurence. Hope you don't mind. I just thought I'd cut back to posting only the great poos. The truly exceptional ones. I think this counts.

Friday, December 12, 2008

First Poo in the New House!!

Oh hooray.

So last night I met up with some friends from school to sing Karaoke at The Gladstone hotel's Melody Bar. It was a blast! My girlfriend even came, which was great because she got to see me sing Subterranean Homesick Blues by Bob Dylan. I was probably monotone and uninteresting but it was a short song and people seemed to enjoy it. We also got up as a group and same Bohemian Rhapsody which was fun.

And we drank a lot. Hence, my first poo at my brother's house was the Beer Shits. Don't we all love beer shits?

And I always think of Charles Bukowski when I get beer shits because that's where I first heard the term. I didn't have a name for it before then. You might even say this blog exists because of Charles Bukowski. Hopefully that doesn't tarnish his reputation. But the truth is he spoke frankly about shit in his poems and that inspired me to write frankly about my shits. So it's simply a matter of fact.

The house is quite nice, plenty of room, although I had to clean up the basement a lot to make space for myself. Junk was kind of sprawled about. The bedroom seemed small, but then I turned the bed 90 degrees and pushed it against the wall and now I have enough room to work out a bit, so that's cool. My brother has a lot of junk because he gets a lot of free stuff due to the nature of his business (movie business). I'm going to suggest a yard sale in the spring/summer to get rid of some of it. The most puzzling thing about this place though is that there are tons of CDs, hundreds, maybe over a thousand CDs in all kinds of racks and cases, but I can't find a CD player anywhere. So strange.

I do believe that life here will be good, although it is further away from everything than where I was before. That'll just force me to plan things better though.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Last Poo of an Era

This is to be the last poo I made in this house. I am moving tomorrow. I've been moving house steadily over the past two weeks and have made many poos, but today was my last exam and all I have left in my bedroom here in Little Italy is my bed, a dresser and a bookshelf. I've even moved my desk and the last bulky hangers on this morning.

Zipcar has been extremely good for my move. I've used their cars to move a lot of my crap over to my brother's place where I'll be living soon. This has been ideal because I really hate making multiple trips in a move and the marathon kinds of moves that drag out over an entire day. First I rented a Honda Fit which had a MADD sticker on it as sponsorship, which made it very affordable indeed. Then I got a Honda Element which was spacious but small so I wasn't uncomfortable driving it. I guess it has added up to a reasonably large sum of money, but it worked out the way I wanted it to so I'm pretty happy.

On saturday my dad is coming with his truck and we're going to move my bed and other large items over to my parent's house for some long term storage.

Anyway, so this is a pretty good last shit I'd say. Although I don't like it much when it's in the water the same time that it's in my asshole and then it flops forward as it breaks. Sometimes I think I can feel it brush through my pubic hairs (they're getting a little long)

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Last Poo

This is possibly the last poo I will make at my current residence. I have been moving over the past week or two and will be completely gone by Saturday.

My roommate's friend needs a place to stay and my brother needs to rent his spare room, so it seemed like a good alignment. The timing is just a bit funny because tomorrow is my last exam, but that's why I've been moving slowly over the past few weeks.

Last week I took over a load of stuff, then on monday I cleaned up my brother's basement and made room for myself.  Thursday and/or friday I'll move more stuff over, then saturday I'll take everything that's not coming with me to my parent's house. It's all coming together quite nicely.

And I'm looking forward to living at my brother's house. The other night I was trying to get to sleep but the children downstairs were still up and running around at 10pm. It'll be quiet at my brother's place. And he has cable, which will be amazing. And laundry, so I won't have to take things to my girlfriend's place or the laundromat down the street.

In terms of poos I'm not sure how things will change. I might end up drinking more coffee, but I'm going to try not to. My biggest concern regarding groceries is that the closest store is a Sobey's, then there's a big Loblaw's a couple of blocks away from that. And in the other direction a few blocks is a Price Chopper. My beloved giant No Frills will be too far away I think, especially since there's another No Frills closer. But, this No Frills is at the Dufferin Mall and the bike parking there sucks, it's always busy and it's really small in comparison. But I guess I'll manage.