Monday, November 17, 2008

The Dark (K)Poo

The poos have been dark lately. Must be the coffee as previously discussed. It's the only substantial change to my diet in the last few weeks/months.

Anyhow, I'm really sorry but I did not photograph a poo I made earlier this evening. The thing is I did it at school, in a bathroom close to my class room, just before class began and I was afraid of the ramifications if I had been caught photographing it.

But it was delightful.

I had arrived to class early and I was sitting chatting with my friend but a dreadful amount of gas was putting pressure on my insides so I left to use the washroom. I knew I had to poo eventually, but thought I could wait until after class as long as I released some gas in the mean time. When I tried to fart, however, I felt there was a blockage, so I headed for a stall.

I quickly removed my pants and sat on the toilet before completely relaxing my sphincter to allow whatever was inside to escape. Like a pumpkin shot from a cannon a sizeable lump of shit and a great deal of gas exploded from my anus. It hit the water with a splash and I felt almost completely relieved of my stool. It was great, actually.

I knew there was more up there but for the time being I was felt satisfied and was able to return to the class in time for the lecture. When I got home from school I called my girlfriend and after that made the poo you see at the top of the page. I consider it to be of the same poo as my earlier event, which is why I've tagged this as a double.

Friday, November 14, 2008

A Long Poo Good-Bye

No, I'm not going anywhere! I just couldn't think of a better headline, and this one did take a while.

I've actually been shitting A LOT this weekend. or this past week. I've almost completely lost track of everything.

School has me very stressed out, I'm incredibly over-caffienated and my bowel movement, while very stable and solid, have been irregular in other ways. I don't know if I should really be using the term irregular.

Let me explain.

Let's say I wake up in the morning with a fair amount of time before I have to leave for school. In the past this would have been prime shittin' time but lately there has been no poo early in the morning.

Not so long ago if I had not pooed at home first thing in the morning I would usually poo when I got to school or after my first class. Lately, not so much.

In fact, for the past week or so I've found myself forced to defecate at any given moment. Usually it will have been brewing for some time but I'd be in class or working on something and it wouldn't have seemed urgent, but the last few days it's just been like: "Hey guys, how's it going. Oh, I've got to take a shit RIGHT NOW!" and off I'd go.

Also, in general the poo seem more firm, smaller, shorter (time length) and darker. And I think the only substantial change to my diet has been a switch from coke to coffee, and I've been drinking a lot of coffee lately.

So maybe all you folks who have been saying my poos look unhealthy because they aren't dark and firm just need to lay off the coffee a bit.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Democratic Poorty

I'm actually quite glad and optimistic about Barack Obama's election, so I don't mean to make any associations between the democrats and a steaming pile of shit. You know me, I just like poo puns.

So I was at Sneaky Dee's at College and Bathurst last night enjoying some dinner and a few beers with a good friend, according to plans that did not take into account the US Election. Didn't even occur to me when we decided which day to meet up, but whatever. Dee's had CNN on the tv instead of sports, so that was cool.

The restaurant got a lot of spill over from Plaza Flamingo next door, which was the venue for the Democrats Abroad election party. Lots of Americans in this town apparently.

I wasn't planning on drinking too much or staying out too late, but the election made for pretty compelling television and my friend and I hadn't hung out for a while, so we shared two and a half pitchers while watching the events unfold.

When I got out to my bike I discovered my front light was missing. I blame the high concentration of Americans in the area. I'm joking. I'm sure it was just some assholes who thought it'd be cool to turn on the light and see how far they could throw it or something. Well, the joke was on them (I hope), because the batteries were almost dead and it was becoming increasingly difficult to turn on and off.

So this poo wasn't the first poo of the day. The first one was a good case of beer shits first thing in the morning, but you know how I've been cutting back on this blog. This poo was made while at school and man, did I take my time on it. Whoo! I didn't even realize what kind of a poo it was turning out to be until I had a look, and I was surprised so I thought I'd share it with you folks.

There was a ton of gas with this poo, loud gas, but not painful. As you can see most of the poos are pretty small and soft. I blame the beer and the coke I had to drink with lunch. Yes, I've been cutting down my Coke consumption but I still drink it here and there. Definitely not as much as I used to though.