Return of the Poodi

Sorry it's been so long. To be honest I simply lost interest in this poo blog of mine. But now I have a smartphone and I can take pictures and post with the same device.

So look out world: shit's about to get real!

Did it come out SIDEWAYS?

This poo really excited me. So much so that I called my girlfriend in to see it!

It was a standard poo on a regular day and I looked between my legs to check the progress of my shit. This is what I saw: A perfectly straight log that spanned the diameter of the toilet bowl. Amazing!

I didn't have my camera with me so I called my girlfriend to get it for me, and showed her the poo. She was horrified of course, but she knows about this plog and she knows how fascinated I am with my own poos, so she was encouraging. Neither of course could believe how straight it was. She focused on the thinness of the poo, but her's are often as thick as my wrist, and I'd rather not try to squeeze that out my ass.

Meanwhile: This plog has recently recieved a comment, on the post "Hard Poos and Hard Times". A reader is concerned that these kinds of thin, pencil-shaped poos are a sign of colorectal cancer. Could be, but I'm not exhibiting any of the other symptoms, so it seems unlikely. Although I really should eat more fibre, I agree. I feel that my pencil-poos are more related to the softness of my poo, combined with the tightness of my sphincter (which may be related to my psoriasis). I drink coffee, and coke, and eat junk food, etc, etc. It's not something I've tried very hard to change because I've always been thin. My ass seems to be pretty inelastic, possibly because of the psoriasis located on it. When I have a big robust poo it's usually really uncomfortable and painful and sometimes cracks my ass like a chapped lip. So I guess there's a bit of a disincentive to eat more fibre.

Anyhow, thanks for the concern. I feel fine. I just have skinny poos.

Liev Shreiber is a great actor, and scat fiend

He admitted it on Letterman just the other night. He said, ""I happen to love those things [feces] so I'm really enjoying it."

Read the full article here.

I'm actually really glad to hear this about him. I've always enjoyed his acting, and he's a handsome man, so the idea that he might stumble upon this blog in his down-time is pretty exciting.

Can't say he was too great in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but it was all right.

In other news my old Old Navy navy blue hoodie has been demoted from thing-I-wear-everyday to thing-I-only-wear-around-the-house. It's been a few years and there's a hole growing in the left elbow and the cuffs are coming apart. Oh well.

Pain in the ass indeed

Why does it have to be painful? I feel like a small child who doesn't understand that it can be painful to poo. In my search for similar blogs, some time ago, I came upon a post on a parenting forum in which a mother was upset because her child would not poo. It would not do it. It had a painful poo once and so decided it didn't want to do it anymore. Of course not pooing naturally leads to constipation and even greater pain. I'm not sure how old this kid was but it's hard not to be judgemental. I mean, this kid has to be stupid right?

Maybe not. Humans have this thing about denying their animal instincts, it's how we get ourselve to do all kinds of things. Maybe this kid is just ahead of the curve.

Anyway, this one was painful. It was preceded by a lot of gas, then a series of pushes that resulted in nothing, just the confirmation that something hard and thick was in there. ugh. I was trying to read too, so I was getting annoyed by the distraction of a poo that wouldn't plop. Finally I put down the book, Scud: The Disposable Assassin, The Whole Shebang, and concentrated. I pushed. I pushed hard, and I pushed past the pain. Finally it came out, thick and alone. Nothing else came after that. I let my ass rest a bit and hoped a little more might make its way out while I was there, but no, that was it.

Kind of looks like a cock doesn't it?

Oh! and Chuck Palahniuk is giving a reading here in Toronto tomorrow. It's $10 at the Isabel Bader theatre. I'd like to go, but I can't really spare $10, and for some reason I filtered out my copies of Fight Club and Rant when I moved and so they're sitting in a box in my parent's basement. Why would I do that, but over-burden myself with so much Douglas Coupland and Roald Dahl?

Also enjoyed the new Star Trek movie this weekend. I find the whole "so we're in an alternate timeline?" "Yes, whatever our lives would have been has now been changed" idea a little dubious. It's basically an excuse to NOT follow any of the canon. And what fan really want from a new series of Star Trek movies is to see some classic old episodes redone with today's energy and CG effects. Imagine the Gorn today, or Kirk vs. Spock? It even looks like the original pilot won't be recreated since Kirk takes control of the Enterprise right away and Pike has been "relieved". hmmm.

Hard poos and hard times

Been having these tough shits in the last couple of days. Tough, as in, I feel I have to shit, I sit down, there is gas, then the gas gets plugged up and rather than feel the shit squeeze it's way out my anus it just sort of pushes up against it, trying to stretch it open so it can get out. Robust is how I think I've characterized these shits in the past. Some of you might say these are healthier than my usual shits, but their painful man. Sometimes there's even a little blood on my toilet paper when I wipe. I don't want that!

Anyway, what I at least like about this picture is how you can see the urine not-quite-mixed with the water. There are some transparent ripples near the top of the log. I hope you appreciate that as well.

In other news: I'm feeling kind of depressed. School is over and I haven't started working yet. I don't know what to do with myself and I don't feel like doing anything. Looking for work depresses me even more and makes me feel useless. The weather has been nice, but I feel ashamed if I enjoy it because I should really be doing something productive. I had a job coming, I've put in an application and I have every reason to think that I'll get it, but it wouldn't start until June. My girlfriend is leaving her job at the end of next week, so it might be good to spend some time in the spring weather with her, being bums (that's kind of how our love grew in the first place, we were both out of work so we went to montreal for a few days).

What I've discovered (and I don't know why I didn't realize this last year) is that I really, REALLY need structure in my life. I mean, I desperately NEED it because otherwise I get depressed and really down on myself. So I've got to impose some structure on myself, at least for the next few weeks.

High Speed Shittin'!

This came flying out of my ass in less than 2 seconds. I swear to god. It wasn't until a few minutes later that I realized it was already over. I had a but more reading that I wanted to do so I snapped a picture just to show how much had come out at once, in case anything more came out after. Nothing else came out.

This wasn't even the result of coke, or coffee, or anything. I hadn't eaten anything this morning when it came out. Strange. I wonder if this is how my girlfriend's poos are?

She usually takes about a minute to shit; barely any longer than it takes her to urinate.

Nice and easy beer shit

This poo started off with a single long cable, but after that things got pretty soft and yucky. After the exam yesterday I had a roast beef sandwich from home for lunch but didn't really eat anything else for the rest of the afternoon.

My friend was having a bbq at his house in the east end, but it wasn't until dinner time and I had nothing to do so I just headed out on my bike and rode out to the beaches for the afternoon. Ate a snickers and drank a can of coke.

At the bbq my friend made some amazing burgers and I had four beers (two of which were kind of big) so I was fairly drunky by the time I left. I slept really well, but a little too long this morning. So this was my morning beer shit even through it wasn't until almost 2. But as a beer shit it wasn't too bad. Slid out easy, which isn't always nice, but it was all right.

Big fat Poops!!

I don't usually have craps like this do I? I mean, you can just have a look in the archives if you don't believe me. That's a big fat poo over there. Firm, not squishy, not soupy. 

Have a close look and you'll even see the seeds and grains and things from the 12 Grain bread I've been eating lately. In fact, when I wiped there was a little dark seed on the toilet paper. Kind of gross. But I kind of like stuff like that. Don't ask why. I have no idea.

Oh yeah, notice the time on this one. 8:09am. I had an exam at 9 and I'd left the house way too early, so I was already at school when this guy came out. Which was good, because I wouldn't have wanted to have that pressing on me while I wrote the exam.

2 piles of poop -- Nice weather.

9:21am

4:58pm

Was a good day today. No exams, nothing to do until 12:30, so I slept in a bit, listening to the radio. Had a poo. Took my time in the bathroom. 

I rode downtown to pump my girlfriend's bike tires with air. They lost air over the winter but she doesn't have a pump of her own so I took care of it while she was at work. The weather was gorgeous today, although a little too warm. We bought me a new jacket on the weekend, but it was even too hot for that. Kind of disappointing. I wonder if I'll even have a chance to wear it.

Did a bit of studying at school before my meeting and drank some coffee after the meeting. That's when the second poo came. It was funny too because I was in the accessibility bathroom at school playing sodoku on my phone and taking a crap when my girlfriend called. So we had a nice little chat while she unlocked her bike and I squeeze them out. We have a strange relationship. Strange, except that it's so perfect.

Sore back, but not so much now.

My lower back was really killing me yesterday, and to a lesser extent the day before. I'm going to blame my studying habit. Lately what I've been doing is sitting cross legged on my bed, hunched over my books. Really awful position to be in. I may have also slept funny the other night, which probably really fucked things up.

This morning though I foke up feeling mostly fine. No obligations at all today so I'm just studying for my last exam which is tomorrow. I should do pretty well, but I'm getting frustrated going through the materials. The course is supposed to be about How, but it's really just been What Is, if you know what I mean. I won't go into it.

Ate a peanut butter sandwich for lunch yesterday, drank a bunch of coffee and ate a roast beef sandwich. Didn't result in much this morning but I expect there'll be more later today. I probably won't blog it unless it's exceptional though.

My civilian alterego is now on twitter, which is interesting, but not as revolutionary as everyone seems to think. I'll probably have some thoughts on the subject, but it'll be too much trouble for me to update on there as well as on here. So you're just going to have to keep checking here for updates. Sorry folks.

A little coke'll do ya

Yesterday was special in terms of food. I had an apple for breakfast, a little apple apparently from New Zealand, which was pretty good, but I might have preferred a McIntosh if at all possible. Oh well.

My girlfriend and I went out for a walk along Bloor St from the Annex to Yorkville in the beautiful weather. it was wonderful and we had lunch at one of our favourite places Okonomi House on Charles street. I got the bacon Okonomi Yaki, which tasted exactly as you'd expect it too. This was bacon meal number 2 for the past two days. The night before we had hamburgers and I put four slices of bacon on mine. It was fantastic.

So after Okonomi House we walkd back home and I cooked up a rack of Our Compliments ribs (which are always tasty) and roasted a couple of cubed and seasoned potatoes which turned out great. My girlfriend made herself a burrito/fajita thing that she makes now and then. it was leftovers, not enough for me. And apparently there wasn't enough of my meal for her, because I ate the whole damn thing.

She got one rib out of the rack and a handful of potatoes. I ate the rest. And some chips. And drank water (haven't been consuming enough water these past couple of months. Too much coffee instead).

So last night I felt there was a fair amount of shit up in me but I didn't feel like going. I didn't poo in the morning either, but i was gassy. I guess with all that meat I might have been a bit constipated. I guess I still am, because the only poo I've pooed today is what you see at the top of this post, and you know how that came about?

Well, when I came home to study today I bought a bottle of coke on the way. After my first sip I felt the need, and that's what came out. It felt like more at the time, but looking at it now, it's not much is it?

Hey, if anyone cares to, feel free to email me which of my poos is your favourite. I'll see about doing a photomosaic of all my poos so that they make the image of your favourite poo. I might need a few more still for it to work.

Shit shits on floor, teacher sends him home with it.

Father: Son, Age 5, Sent Home With Bag Of Feces In Backpack

Pretty amazing piece of work by a kindergarten teachers who's had it up to here with kids shitting in his classroom.

Another poo ball?!

I was totally unaware of this possibility until I started seeing it in my own toilet. 

I guess what must happen is that in some cases the poo is slightly bouyant and as I add to the pile it rotates in the water and a new side of the pile gets added to it and it rotates some more.

Another key element would have to be the softness, or stickiness of the shit. If it wasn't sticky it wouldn't stick, obviously, and couldn't possibly form into a ball.

Now, this is only the second instance in my entire life that I've notice my shit form into a ball like this. I will definitely be keeping my eyes open for that and will try to notice it in the process.

If your lucky, maybe I'll be able to take a series of photos to document. Won't you be excited to see that?

Not more than a stain

I had some rather unpleasant toilet experiences today. Not sure what the deal was, but it worked itself out.

Earlier in the day, before this one, I was at school after an exam and I was drinking coffee. I felt like I would probably have to poo at some point, but there wasn't anything urgent about it.

I made a phone call and before I went back into the computer lab it hit me.

Unfortunately someone else decided they needed to pee right after and for some reason I went into the common bathroom rather than the private accessibility bathroom. So stupid. So I sat and had trouble preventing myself from farting these horrible spluttering farts, and i didn't know who the other guy was. It easily could have been a friend of mine who I would rather did not hear me shit these horrible little spluttering shits. It was horrible.

In the end the other fellow left and I squeeze what I could out of my body but it still wasn't anything.

When I came home to my girlfriend's place I sat down to poo for real and there was already a little toilet paper in there. Good thing otherwise there wouldn't be a photo here would there? Good thing for you eh?!

So all that came out was a horrible spattering of shit goo. Fucking gross. This is seriously one of the only genuinely disgusting photos on this blog if you ask me.

Sorry.

Another pile of sticks

You know, it happens now and then. Look how uniform they are, and yet each slightly different.

I guess it's because they're just natural shits.

Veggie burgers

Have you had President's Choice World's Best Meatless Burgers?

They're great. And I eat meat. I eat meat, but I love these burgers. They're basically all I've eaten in the past three days.

Well, that and all dressed chips. and coke. I've been drinking coke all the while.

The reason is that I'm studying. Studying for exams. I have two exams, and they're spaced apart nicely, but the first one is going to be a real ball buster. So I've gone simple for dinner and lunches all week. This week it's been the World's Best Meatless Burgers, with mozzerella cheese.

Wish me luck.

Oh yeah, pile it up. Shit yeah.

Haven't been active much lately. Sorry about that. Like I've said before, it's not that I haven't been pooing, it's just that the poos haven't been too exciting.

That and I've been incredibly busy with school, and highly stressed. Not angry-stressed, really, but just intense with busy-ness.

What's amazing is that my poos haven't been necessarily all that stressed seeming. I've been drinking a lot of coffee, so that seems to soften things up a bit, and I haven't been eating so well, so I guess that doesn't really help much, but just look at that one there.

Okay, I know a lot of you don't like poos like that. They don't seem healthy to you because they're all soft and everything but you know I feel all backed up until I squeeze out that shit and then I feel GOOD, so I don't know what your problem is.

What's that? Nobody reads this and I'm just conversing with nobody? Could be. I guess that would indicate that I actually feel kind of guilty about my low-quality poos. Maybe that's true. I do take more satisfaction in a nicely coiled, fairly dark poo, and I realize my diet has been pretty poor lately...

Whatever, screw you! Look at that picture! It looks awesome!! and it wouldn't have turned out so well if it hadn't oozed out like soft-serve icecream and peaked out of the water. So you can shove it!

Oh, in other news the other day my hits hit a new one-day record of 15. I don't know who you are, but thanks.

Sporadic and uncomfortable

Nine years for Tesco poo sprayer

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/04/15/nine-years-for-tesco-poo-sprayer-115875-21279582/

A chemist who sprayed food in Tesco and Morrisons with urine and faeces was yesterday jailed for nine years.

Like that loopy optical illusion

The Top Eight Perfect Songs To Poop To

http://www.spike.com/blog/top-8-songs-to-poop/76090

There is nothing wrong at all with having a little music to set the mood for your special alone time with the toilet . It would be even better if you had a perfect playlist of songs formatted to your sporadic BM bathroom breaks. Well, you’re in luck because we've put together the ultimate mix for your daily release.

Coils upon coils

So after yesterday's bizarre dragon poo I thought for sure I wouldn't have anything interesting to show you for a while, but no sir, I looked down between my legs today and discovered that somehow my shit had piled on top of itself in an almost perfect coil. Coil is a pottery term of course, but in this context it becomes a potty term.

Unfortunately you can't quite see the coiling from this angle, particularly because by the end of the shit the pattern had begun to collapse.

The image looks distorted because of the angle which I took the photo at and the nature of looking through water.