Monday, July 28, 2008

no more coke PLEASE



I know, nobody is forcing me to drink all this coke all the time. So it's up to me to stop. I think I can do it, well, I can cut back a whole bunch anyway. Last semester I had the idea of buying cases of coke from the grocery store near school and leaving it in my locker. I'd get lots of icoke points for each of those, it would save me money, it would prevent me from having coke at home and it would not be refrigerated so it wouldn't even be very tasty or anything. Easy to resist I figure. But as soon as I thought of that I started thinking of ways to refrigerate my locker. So clearly I am addicted.

Rock bottom in terms of coca-cola addiction is hard to define, but here's a hint: This morning I got out of bed and stood in front of the toilet for a piss. I felt a fart coming on so I squeezed a little. It was being finicking so I reached back and pulled one butt cheek to the side. The fart that resulted was wet and sloppy. It was gross. I thought it was like that from sweat, my ass gets very sweaty, but I instantly realized there was a poo up there behind the gas, so I sat down and squeezed out a little plop. it wasn't much and I was unprepared so there's no photograph. This worst part of this story though is what I discovered once I'd sat down on the toilet. There on the floor between my feet was a phlegmy looking ass loogie (I don't know what else to call it). You know when your shit is really runny and it's difficult to call it solid? It was a little sample of that. I guess it came out of my ass when I farted. Made me feel a little sick to my stomache. I didn't tell my girlfriend about it, but I suppose she might read about it now. Sorry honey. I cleaned it up though.

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