Another poo ball?!

I was totally unaware of this possibility until I started seeing it in my own toilet. 

I guess what must happen is that in some cases the poo is slightly bouyant and as I add to the pile it rotates in the water and a new side of the pile gets added to it and it rotates some more.

Another key element would have to be the softness, or stickiness of the shit. If it wasn't sticky it wouldn't stick, obviously, and couldn't possibly form into a ball.

Now, this is only the second instance in my entire life that I've notice my shit form into a ball like this. I will definitely be keeping my eyes open for that and will try to notice it in the process.

If your lucky, maybe I'll be able to take a series of photos to document. Won't you be excited to see that?

Oh yeah, pile it up. Shit yeah.

Haven't been active much lately. Sorry about that. Like I've said before, it's not that I haven't been pooing, it's just that the poos haven't been too exciting.

That and I've been incredibly busy with school, and highly stressed. Not angry-stressed, really, but just intense with busy-ness.

What's amazing is that my poos haven't been necessarily all that stressed seeming. I've been drinking a lot of coffee, so that seems to soften things up a bit, and I haven't been eating so well, so I guess that doesn't really help much, but just look at that one there.

Okay, I know a lot of you don't like poos like that. They don't seem healthy to you because they're all soft and everything but you know I feel all backed up until I squeeze out that shit and then I feel GOOD, so I don't know what your problem is.

What's that? Nobody reads this and I'm just conversing with nobody? Could be. I guess that would indicate that I actually feel kind of guilty about my low-quality poos. Maybe that's true. I do take more satisfaction in a nicely coiled, fairly dark poo, and I realize my diet has been pretty poor lately...

Whatever, screw you! Look at that picture! It looks awesome!! and it wouldn't have turned out so well if it hadn't oozed out like soft-serve icecream and peaked out of the water. So you can shove it!

Oh, in other news the other day my hits hit a new one-day record of 15. I don't know who you are, but thanks.

Been caught pooing, once, when I was five!

9:24am

10:42am

Oh I've been GASSY! Last night was pretty terrible. It's a good thing my girlfriend loves me so much because I was farting up a storm! She was farting quite a bit too, but I couldn't stop. the trouble was though, I didn't feel much like taking a shit. It didn't feel that urgent, so I didn't bother. I was afraid if I went and sat on the toilet it would just be more gas anyway, so I left it until this morning.

The first poo came out in an explosion of gas and shit spatter you can see some of the flecks. It wasn't really painful but it was kind of unpleasant. It was short however. Much shorter than I thought it would be. Turned out I wasn't finished.

About an hour later came a very urgent call from nature. call of nature. whatever. I sat down and it just oozed out of me. you can't see too well because this poo was actually layered. First was the soft shifts, almost like beer shits but with more cohesion. Like soft serve ice cream I guess. That layer nearly peaked out of the water, which is never very nice. I guess I should have taken a shot then, sorry. Next came little gassy sputters much like the first poo there. Soon it became apparent that this was just the break between courses. Finally the third layer of shit came in relatively uniform clumps as you can see. This must have been from the curry we made last night. Lots of veggies and spices and stuff. it was pretty good.

Isn't it great to think about your food like this? It's really just pre-shit! Delicious!!

Speaking of food, I found a No Frills grocery store near my brother's place and I'm almost positive it's closer than Dufferin Mall, which is great because I HATE that No Frills (too small and crowded). The worrisome part about this No Frills however is that it's right next to an LCBO and a Blockbuster. But I'll just have to be strong and resist the temptation to skip school to drink and play videogames.

Oh man, I wish you could hear the noises my guts are making right now! Holy Shit! I think there could be a good one for you tonight!

Rather Menacing

Something unsettling about this photo. It looks a little distorted, possibly by the water. Has the feel of a David Lynch image maybe.

This poo arrived just as I got settled into a study room at the library at school. I was planning on spending the day reading through books about natural wastewater treatment processes and sustainable community design but as soon as my laptop finished booting up I felt a sudden need to shit. I had to pack everything up again and head to the bathroom.

It came out very easily, maybe too easy. It was very soft, not sure what that was owing to.

Happy IndePOOdence day

To my american friends: enjoy the holiday you bastards, Canada Day was on a tuesday this year, how lame is that? You get friday off?! Sheesh.

In other news, I spent the morning at school working on an extra curricular project and had the need to defecate so I took advantage of the nice low flow toilets in the new building. Made by American Standard it claims on the back of the bowl to use 6 litres of water per flush. Not bad. I think the usual home toilet is about 10L. These were installed in part to meet LEED specifications for sustainability. I think the building is designed for silver, or maybe gold certification. Anyway, the urinals are waterless and the toilets are 6 litres to a flush, the lights have motion sensors and timers and air circulation is cleverly calculated for efficiency. But they only just installed a bike rack and they leave the computers in the lab on all day/night.

I thought this was a fun poo because it came out all at once, really easy, quite soft. It was like a 30 second poo, seriously, even though it's a pretty substantial one. And check out the symmetry at the bottom. Like a bow tie of poo!

"snakey" not "wormy"

Morning


Afternoon

I should let you know right off the bat that the second poo today was a coffee poo. Which is why it's so wormy looking. Maybe I shouldn't say wormy, let's say snakey. People don't "get snakes", but they do "get worms" and I don't want to suggest that I have worms.

I believe the lighter bits in the poos are dried mango once again. If you'll recall I have mixed feelings about dried mangos but ultimately I find them to be rather tasty, so I like to eat them.

I've been trying to have a productive day today but the weather is all overcast and I feel listless. All I managed to accomplish before having the coffee was to import more of my CDs onto my computer. Not too exciting. After the coffee, however, I did some work on a group project I'm working on this summer, and that has been very productive and rather exciting. I would go into more detail about it but it's really not even remotely poo-related, so I won't bore you with it.

The Ceiling Came Crashing Down

Well, I wasn't there, but the ceiling of my bathroom has been falling down over the last four days. First a large chunk came down on Friday while my roommate was in the shower. Then Monday morning at about 3am a much large chunk crashed down. Looks great.

This, by the way, directly affects my pooing because the floor is filthy now, which means my pants get all dirty sitting on the floor while I crap. Haven't bothered to clean it up too well because the landlord is going to fix it up. Although, maybe I should do a mopping, or clean it up because I would be surprised if it was fixed before September.

As you can tell from recent photos my poos have been really disgusting lately. Maybe this is how they used to be, before I started taking pictures of them. It's hard to say, I didn't pay too much attention before. Generally I feel okay though, so I'm not worried. If any of you are poo doctors and are concerned by the appearence of my poo maybe you could give me some advice.

Parents House Day 3 - The Final Chapter

Yeah, I forgot and wiped before taking the picture again. I also spat a thick loogie in the bowl at some point (that's not semen in the water), so this is not a very good picture, but it wasn't the greatest poo either.

Some morning poos are really great but others, like this one, are unpleasant. Something tells me all that coke led up to this.

Spent a lot of yesterday and all of today helping my dad get his boat ready for the water, but in the end he was too tired and beat to finish it up. This was okay by me. I wasn't expecting to have to do all that work all weekend, I thought I'd just be helping out at the Yacht Club to raise the boat off the trailer and lower it into the water. So I was kind of beat too. Oh well, I'll probably go back out there on wednesday.

My mom made bacon and pancakes for lunch today. A whole pound of bacon and enough pancakes for my entire family: 2 parents, 3 sons, 1 daughter in law, 4 grandkids. It was a lot of pancakes. I ate four. Apparently my mom needs to learn how to scale back a little.

Meet the Poorents

I'm spending the weekend at my parents house in order to attend my niece's 5th birthday party and to help my dad launch his boat. Usually staying with my parents means eating steak and french fries, or hamburgers and french fries, or roast beef and mashed potatoes, or something else along those lines.

By the way, doesn't this poo look like a slice of pizza?

My parents, however, have been trying to eat better because they're getting pretty damn old, and pretty damn heavy. So far it's been working and my dad has lost 20 pounds or so, which is a amazing. What's disturbing about it though is that he doesn't really look thinner, so I don't know what's going on.

Tonight we had Shrimp and Vegetable kabobs. Pretty good, not too exciting. We'll be having smoked salmon tomorrow night. My dad got a smoker for his birthday, so he'll be smoking it himself, which is kind of exciting.

Oh, staying with my parents also means an unlimited supply of beer, coke and chips. Since those are usually only purchased for me, the presence of these items is not affected by my parent's diet.

This poo spilled out of my ass.

I knew it would too. I could feel it. It's my fault for not pooing earlier. I had to poo earlier today but it wasn't like I NEEDED to, so I waited. I won a cheeseburger by peeling off the sticker from a Burger King fries so i redeemed that instead of pooing. I knew that would come back to haunt me, but it was a free burger and I had to return a movie anyway.

By the time I got home I didn't have to poo at all, which is never a good sign. I didn't do much this afternoon, and I didn't feel like doing much so I made a cup of coffee to get me motivated. Motivated onto the toilet apparently.

You ever get that feeling in your bowels where you know that if you were forced to run you'd end up with shit going down the backs of your legs? Yeah, I had that going on. Luckily I wasn't in gym class ('cause I've been through that before), so I just made my way to the toilet and sat down with "Rant". Out it came in one foul sploosh. Ick. Not watery at all though, just you know, soft and in bits and pieces, as you can see. I read about one page and then I was done so I snapped the pic and here you go!

My job interview on tuesday went fairly well by the way. As long as the other applicants were dumb-bells I'm a shoe-in. But who knows. I got an email from another job I thought I'd be appropriate for this morning rejecting my application. bastards. Glad I slept in.

Dookie

Hey, another green poo! And check out that texture! It looks like pot! or dreadlocks. Must be the cabbage, that's about the only thing I've been eating consistantly over the past two days. Although I have also added a few things to my diet thanks to P90X, such as cottage cheese, and salad.

Today I had a salad with red lettuce, broccoli, celery, green onion and cottage cheese. It was pretty tasty, but it did not affect this poo since this poo actually came this morning after my workout, but before my lunch.

Yep, p90x is still kicking my ass, but just a little bit less so today. It was Yoga X today, but shit, I sweated through the first half as if it was plyometrics. Seriously. I hurt a little less today too, although that could be from the Rub A535. *shrug*

Can't seem to find a job yet. None of the jobs I applied for in the past couple of months have called me back and it seems all the offices I've applied to this week have already hired their students for the summer. Getting kind of anxious.

Gordon Ramsay's Fast Poo

Yesterday morning I lined up to try to get a wrist band so my girlfriend and I could get Gordon Ramsay to sign a copy of his new book Fast Food. Unfortunately there were at least a hundred people who beat me to the punch by about two hours. Oh well.

Apparently people in Burlington camped out for 24 hours to get a chance to see Ramsay. I figured it was just as well because we'd just have to wait in line for another three hours or more inside a crowded store.

Instead my girlfriend and I went to the Eaton Centre, checked out the situation at Indigo, had dinner at Mr. Greenjeans, then went back to Indigo to see if we could catch a glimpse of Ramsay. We did, we got to see him through the front windows, and took a couple of pictures. It was almost exciting. We might have stuck around longer but my girlfriend had to poo (interesting) so we headed home.

This poo came about this morning after I came home from her house to do some p90x. It was quick and easy and left me feeling well prepared to take on another hour of p90x, which was exhausting. I have a feeling it is always going to be exhausting. My arms still haven't recovered from yesterday and tomorrow I'm supposed to do a Shoulders and Arms workout. Holy shit, how will I manage that? I guess we'll see!

Did some grocery shopping. Bought a bunch of red lettuce, broccoli, sliced ham, organic apples, egg whites, rye bread, etc, etc. Mostly all these things were on the p90x shopping list, so now I just have to keep an eye on portions.

Stressy Poos

So now you know what happens when you don't poo for three days in a row because you're too busy and stressed out studying for exams. It was the sort of thing where I'd feel like I had to poo but there'd be nothing but gas in the morning. Then I'd feel like I had to poo while at school but I had to write an exam, etc.

So yesterday I poo'd twice. The first was a decent crap that started out fairly firm and robust but finished kind of sloppy. I should have known what that was foreshadowing.

A couple hours later I had another poo. This one was soupy and disgusting. It wasn't the worst soupy poo of my life but it was rather unpleasant and as you can see: Frothy.

The exams went pretty well. I have one more this morning and I feel quite prepared for it. Wish me luck!

After-School Special (the poo)

mmmm, hmmmm. Last day of school, split a pitcher with a friend, got back to the girlfriend's house (the girlfriend who doesn't know about this blog and wouldn't understand), and had a nice poo while reading Gordon Ramsay's new book "Gordon Ramsay's Fast Food".

Not very many vegetarian dishes in the book but we're going to pick something from it to make for our gay vegetarian friend Dylan tomorrow evening. A couple of weeks ago we had a nice success with the carmelized banana split, so we thought we'd try something new. He's going to be doing a signing later in the month so we figured we ought to pick a couple of favourite recipes in case he asks.

The poo was quite comfortable. It just sort of slid out without much fuss. Not a memorable poo, but then again that's probably a good thing.

Magna Cum Poo

I decided to do some school work at a school I'm not a student at, University of Toronto. I got a coffee and a danish and sat at a table in one of their fancy new buildings, the one with all the bamboo in it.

I was there about two hours, had my coffee, wrote about 5 pages of a science fiction story and then I felt it coming.

I could tell it would be a kind of unpleasant poo, I think the coffee had a lot to do with that. I went to the men's room and it just sort of spooged out of me. As you can see it's not a very robust poo, and it didn't feel particularly healthy. But these things happen.

It did feel good to have a poo at a fancy major university instead of where I go to school. Even our new bathrooms aren't as nice as the one I used at U of T today.

Sorry about the glare and reflections. There was a lot of light in the bathroom; a skylight and hidden indirect lighting. If I tried to angle it one way I got the skylight in the shot and the other way gave me the indirect lighting.