Shit shave and shower.

Some floaters here. Well, they started off pretty bouyant, but by the time I was finished they'd sunk down.

So one of the things that I don't like about living with other people is the morning ritual. It turns out that I spend a lot of time in the bathroom in the morning. It's not that I spend a lot of time preening though, that's not really it. Here's how it goes:

I wake up, drink some water, sit on the toilet and move my bowels. I shower, I get out of the shower and I shave. I use a straight razor so shaving is not a quick and sloppy procedure. You can't rush a straight razor shave, so that takes a while. After breakfast I brush my teeth. I pee several times throughout the morning, just to get it all out.

Doesn't sound very complicated, and it's not, but I might take an hour to get through it all. My showers are definitely too long, and I'm working on that, but the rest of it is hard to quicken. My brother's routine, it seems, is to wake up, take a shit and then sit down with a coffee and some breakfast for a while, eventually showering. Too unpredictable! So I get up early. 

I basically have too options, get up early and shower and everything before my roommate, or get up late, after they've already left. That's what I used to do, but I don't have that luxury anymore.

All that being said I made this poo in the afternoon. I'm just thinking about my morning tomorrow. Think I'll get up at 5:30.

makes me feel kind of sick

Beer shits.

Went out with a couple of friends last night, had some beers, came home, hit the sheets and fell asleep. Woke up with a headache but not feeling horribly hung over. Crapped out this load of floaters just for you.

And just so you know, even I'm not always in love with looking at this pictures okay? Yuck.

Ambushed!

This morning


Slightly later in the morning

It felt like it would be a normal poo, but when I was done it didn't feel normal. It felt like there might be more in there, or it might just be gas, really wasn't sure how it would play out, but I thought I'd give it some time.

I left the bathroom after the first poo, had a little breakfast, got some things together for a meeting and went pee. While peeing I had to fart, so I pushed a bit when suddenly to my horror I felt the start of a little poop! So I stopped and sat down and all that stuff in the bottom picture came out. UNPLEASANT!

But I'm glad I got rid of it before the meeting because it was an all day affair at a house with the bathroom just around the corner, and definitely within earshot, of the room we were working in. Ech!

Kibbles and Bits and Cottage Cheese

Don't these two look like dog food and cottage cheese, respectively?

I haven't been having a good week. I haven't been eating very well, I actually flushed a poo without taking a picture by accident the other day AND I've been a little depressed about being a loser lately. The result: Shits like the above two, both in the same day. And I had another soupy one last night but my girlfriend was around so I didn't photograph it. Sorry.

I still don't have a job. I'm running out of money. My girlfriend says she'll loan me my rent, but what guy wants his girlfriend to do that?! I'm a bum, a dead beat, a loser, etc.

On the bright side, this week marks the start of Phase II of my P90X. I'm quite impressed with myself for making it this far. The sad truth though is that I probably wouldn't have made it this far if I had a job. How depressing is that.

Plus the weather has been fucking awful lately. We had a couple of good sunny days this week, but it rained last weekend and it's really weird out right now. It was supposed to be 30 celsius, feels like 40, but instead it's 17! I don't know who fucked that up, and it feels like it's going to rain any second, but it hasn't yet. Story of my life.

Yeah, the whole idea of "eating well", like even marginally following the p90x nutrition guide has been completely ignore the last two to three weeks. Not COMPLETELY ignored, but in the past week or two I've had a few beers, a pound of wings, half a large pizza, about 4 litres of coke, ice cream, candy, etc, etc, etc. I wouldn't have taken notice at all two or three months ago, but now I'm all "ugh, that's unhealthy, blah blah blah". Probably has a lot to do with my mood eh?

Yoga X today was brutal. I felt like a whiny baby. I started off fine but by half way through I was just pissed off by everything. Couldn't even appreciate the stretching feeling.

Life sucks. but I guess it'll only get better.

This poo spilled out of my ass.

I knew it would too. I could feel it. It's my fault for not pooing earlier. I had to poo earlier today but it wasn't like I NEEDED to, so I waited. I won a cheeseburger by peeling off the sticker from a Burger King fries so i redeemed that instead of pooing. I knew that would come back to haunt me, but it was a free burger and I had to return a movie anyway.

By the time I got home I didn't have to poo at all, which is never a good sign. I didn't do much this afternoon, and I didn't feel like doing much so I made a cup of coffee to get me motivated. Motivated onto the toilet apparently.

You ever get that feeling in your bowels where you know that if you were forced to run you'd end up with shit going down the backs of your legs? Yeah, I had that going on. Luckily I wasn't in gym class ('cause I've been through that before), so I just made my way to the toilet and sat down with "Rant". Out it came in one foul sploosh. Ick. Not watery at all though, just you know, soft and in bits and pieces, as you can see. I read about one page and then I was done so I snapped the pic and here you go!

My job interview on tuesday went fairly well by the way. As long as the other applicants were dumb-bells I'm a shoe-in. But who knows. I got an email from another job I thought I'd be appropriate for this morning rejecting my application. bastards. Glad I slept in.

What A Rip Off!

So take a good look at this picture. Notice the pale yellow portions of the poo? There are two clearly visible yellow lumps in that major cable, plus another at the end of the largest of the floaters. The two little floaters near the bottom of the photo are actually the same material as the yellow lumps, but they're coated in poo, so they're disguised a little.

The material? dried mango. Why do I feel ripped off? Because I just ate that damn dried mango this morning! I only bought it this morning in fact! and now look! For crying out loud!

I guess the real lesson here is to chew more thoroughly. I hang my head in shame. On the up-side, however, my poo today met many of the criteria set out by the "ideal poo" webpage linked at the side of this page. How well does your stool stand up?

FLOATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Got some serious floaters this time folks! There were even little air bubbles come out of the poos! You can kind of see one of them. What sort of process do you think takes place to give your poos air pockets? Would Yoga do that to your poo? Sort of like folding the poo over itself again and again?

As you can see these poos have the same appearance as recent poos but for some reason: Floaters!

In other news a cockroach was discovered in the bathroom by my roommate. So everyone is freaked out and vowed war on the roaches. Two days later things are being cleaned. They're hardcore like that.

You know I've been thinking about this blog a bit and it's gotten to the point now where I would feel guilty for having a poo and not photographing it. Is that strange?

Floaters in the Staff Washroom

Finding a place to shit at my school can be very difficult. I have a hard time laying cable if there's someone else in the bathroom at the same time, and of course I would rather be warm and comfortable. I also don't like large, wheelchair accessible toilet stalls or narrow stalls with other stalls on each side.

I guess I'm a little particular, but I'm sure there are worse people out there.

So when I'm at school and I have to take a crap I'm usually running around looking for an out of the way bathroom that won't get much traffic through it. It's actually quite difficult to find any bathroom at this University because the men's rooms aren't always located next to the ladies' rooms.

Thankfully I have discovered a so-called Staff Only washroom which is unlocked. I sit down, relax, have my poo and am uninterrupted through the whole process. very nice.

This is where the poo in the picture was left. They floated around for a while but as you can see they had settled into the bottom of the toilet by the time the picture was taken.