Shit shave and shower.

Some floaters here. Well, they started off pretty bouyant, but by the time I was finished they'd sunk down.

So one of the things that I don't like about living with other people is the morning ritual. It turns out that I spend a lot of time in the bathroom in the morning. It's not that I spend a lot of time preening though, that's not really it. Here's how it goes:

I wake up, drink some water, sit on the toilet and move my bowels. I shower, I get out of the shower and I shave. I use a straight razor so shaving is not a quick and sloppy procedure. You can't rush a straight razor shave, so that takes a while. After breakfast I brush my teeth. I pee several times throughout the morning, just to get it all out.

Doesn't sound very complicated, and it's not, but I might take an hour to get through it all. My showers are definitely too long, and I'm working on that, but the rest of it is hard to quicken. My brother's routine, it seems, is to wake up, take a shit and then sit down with a coffee and some breakfast for a while, eventually showering. Too unpredictable! So I get up early. 

I basically have too options, get up early and shower and everything before my roommate, or get up late, after they've already left. That's what I used to do, but I don't have that luxury anymore.

All that being said I made this poo in the afternoon. I'm just thinking about my morning tomorrow. Think I'll get up at 5:30.

POOr Choices

10:34am


7:17pm

We still don't have a cabinet in our bathroom, so we don't have a mirror, so my roommate has been using a small hand mirror and I have a somewhat larger mirror in my room (I stole this mirror when I worked for a framing store. There was a scrap piece of mirror that was sort of in between too small to keep and too big to throw out, so I stole a frame for it, put it together and brought it home. It's a few years old now) that I use.

I kind of had to poo all afternoon but couldn't really commit to the action. My face has been stubbly because I prefer to shave with my straight razor but because there's no mirror in the bathroom I try not to shower at my house and my girlfriend doesn't like the straight razor, etc, etc, so I was shaving with my electric razor in my bedroom when I felt like I really ought to poo.

So I took the razor into the bathroom and had a seat and started to shit. It wasn't until the first little log hit the water that I realized I'd left my cell phone in my bedroom. Well I finished what I was doing and wiped but, well I really didn't want to flush it away, and this new toilet is a little small to accomodate toilet paper while leaving a good view of the shit, so I wiped and carefully placed each of the three wads of toilet paper I used on the edge of the bathtub while I ran back to my room to get my camera phone.

Nobody who lives with me will be happy to hear about this, but I swear that the poo did not touch the tub, I was very careful about it. But I apologize, I should have realized sooner that my phone was in my bedroom.

Shrouded in Mystery

The bathroom at my house is being redone. The ceiling fell in several weeks ago so my roommate thought the whole bathroom should get redone. The bathroom was kind of gross but it looks like we're not going to have a bathroom for at least four days, no shower, a toilet only at the end of each day and an apartment overrun with bathroom guys during the day. Hardly seems worth it to me, but at least I have a place to stay.

Unfortunately, staying at my girlfriend's place sometimes means having to poo in a toilet that doesn't always flush away all the toilet paper. I can't justify flushing an extra time just to get rid of toilet paper, so this is the result. Kind of mysterious don't you think?

The Montreal trip was pretty great. Ate some good poutine, brought back a bunch of bagels and a couple of bottles of Blanche de Chambly and Modite by Unibroue, saw some great art and a bunch of animals and stuff and walked around a beautiful city with the girl I love. Sadly we decided to try out the poutine at Mel's Montreal Delicatessen here in Toronto when we came back. I'd always liked it. But it's like discovering San Francisco burritos, we're totally spoiled now.

The Ceiling Came Crashing Down

Well, I wasn't there, but the ceiling of my bathroom has been falling down over the last four days. First a large chunk came down on Friday while my roommate was in the shower. Then Monday morning at about 3am a much large chunk crashed down. Looks great.

This, by the way, directly affects my pooing because the floor is filthy now, which means my pants get all dirty sitting on the floor while I crap. Haven't bothered to clean it up too well because the landlord is going to fix it up. Although, maybe I should do a mopping, or clean it up because I would be surprised if it was fixed before September.

As you can tell from recent photos my poos have been really disgusting lately. Maybe this is how they used to be, before I started taking pictures of them. It's hard to say, I didn't pay too much attention before. Generally I feel okay though, so I'm not worried. If any of you are poo doctors and are concerned by the appearence of my poo maybe you could give me some advice.

Pooin' at the 'rents' Day Two

So it was my niece's 5th birthday part today. 20, dirty, clumsy, ugly Oshawa kids running around a small backyard with their dirty, ugly, stupid parents completely ignoring them. Not COMPLETELY ignoring, but you know, not really interested in anything they're doing.

Lunch was hot dogs, of course, and coke. Man, I drank a lot of coke today. Only one beer, but probably about 6 cans of coke. I don't feel too bad about it really, but I'm sure I will.

It's strange though, coke doesn't seem to have much of an impact on my system when I'm at my parent's house. Don't know what that's about.

Smoked salmon turned into grilled salmon and grilled squash for dinner tonight. While the smoker was heating up the flame blew out, so it would have been an extra hour or more before it would be ready. We were all too hungry. As it was, it was delicious, so I couldn't complain, but my roommate really likes smoked salmon so I was hoping I could report back to her on the quality of home-smoked salmon.

As for p90x I didn't do my Kenpo X today. I woke up really fucking tired this morning and have stayed up too late tonight. I probably won't do X Stretch tomorrow either. Although what I should do is cram the whole week's worth of workout into the next two days while I'm in a home with air conditioning. How are you supposed to work out when it's 40 degrees?

A New Day

Yeah, I don't know what happened the last couple of days. On Tuesday I pooed in the afternoon, then again late at night (like, I got up out of bed at 11:30 to go poo), then in the morning too! The last two weren't photographed because I was at my girlfriend's house. Maybe it was the waffles?

On our way home the other night my girlfriend and I spotted a pile of junk left over from a yard sale. It appeared to be free for the taking. Among the dishrack and a bunch of other crap was a heart shaped waffle iron! So we took it and looked up recipes. Pretty delicious! Then later on I got piles of poop backed up in me. Go figure.

I told my roommate about this blog. I'd mentioned starting something like this a long time ago and then one day she heard the shutter sound effect of my phone while I was in the bathroom. What lie could I have possibly invented to cover my tracks? So I told her the truth. I have begun documenting my poos and publishing them online. She had a look. She doesn't think my poos look healthy. I can't argue, but I feel healthy. She may begin taking photos of her poos as well. She may end up another writer on this blog. Probably not though because she's a squeemish little girl. We'll see.