Did it come out SIDEWAYS?

This poo really excited me. So much so that I called my girlfriend in to see it!

It was a standard poo on a regular day and I looked between my legs to check the progress of my shit. This is what I saw: A perfectly straight log that spanned the diameter of the toilet bowl. Amazing!

I didn't have my camera with me so I called my girlfriend to get it for me, and showed her the poo. She was horrified of course, but she knows about this plog and she knows how fascinated I am with my own poos, so she was encouraging. Neither of course could believe how straight it was. She focused on the thinness of the poo, but her's are often as thick as my wrist, and I'd rather not try to squeeze that out my ass.

Meanwhile: This plog has recently recieved a comment, on the post "Hard Poos and Hard Times". A reader is concerned that these kinds of thin, pencil-shaped poos are a sign of colorectal cancer. Could be, but I'm not exhibiting any of the other symptoms, so it seems unlikely. Although I really should eat more fibre, I agree. I feel that my pencil-poos are more related to the softness of my poo, combined with the tightness of my sphincter (which may be related to my psoriasis). I drink coffee, and coke, and eat junk food, etc, etc. It's not something I've tried very hard to change because I've always been thin. My ass seems to be pretty inelastic, possibly because of the psoriasis located on it. When I have a big robust poo it's usually really uncomfortable and painful and sometimes cracks my ass like a chapped lip. So I guess there's a bit of a disincentive to eat more fibre.

Anyhow, thanks for the concern. I feel fine. I just have skinny poos.

Hard poos and hard times

Been having these tough shits in the last couple of days. Tough, as in, I feel I have to shit, I sit down, there is gas, then the gas gets plugged up and rather than feel the shit squeeze it's way out my anus it just sort of pushes up against it, trying to stretch it open so it can get out. Robust is how I think I've characterized these shits in the past. Some of you might say these are healthier than my usual shits, but their painful man. Sometimes there's even a little blood on my toilet paper when I wipe. I don't want that!

Anyway, what I at least like about this picture is how you can see the urine not-quite-mixed with the water. There are some transparent ripples near the top of the log. I hope you appreciate that as well.

In other news: I'm feeling kind of depressed. School is over and I haven't started working yet. I don't know what to do with myself and I don't feel like doing anything. Looking for work depresses me even more and makes me feel useless. The weather has been nice, but I feel ashamed if I enjoy it because I should really be doing something productive. I had a job coming, I've put in an application and I have every reason to think that I'll get it, but it wouldn't start until June. My girlfriend is leaving her job at the end of next week, so it might be good to spend some time in the spring weather with her, being bums (that's kind of how our love grew in the first place, we were both out of work so we went to montreal for a few days).

What I've discovered (and I don't know why I didn't realize this last year) is that I really, REALLY need structure in my life. I mean, I desperately NEED it because otherwise I get depressed and really down on myself. So I've got to impose some structure on myself, at least for the next few weeks.

High Speed Shittin'!

This came flying out of my ass in less than 2 seconds. I swear to god. It wasn't until a few minutes later that I realized it was already over. I had a but more reading that I wanted to do so I snapped a picture just to show how much had come out at once, in case anything more came out after. Nothing else came out.

This wasn't even the result of coke, or coffee, or anything. I hadn't eaten anything this morning when it came out. Strange. I wonder if this is how my girlfriend's poos are?

She usually takes about a minute to shit; barely any longer than it takes her to urinate.

2 piles of poop -- Nice weather.

9:21am

4:58pm

Was a good day today. No exams, nothing to do until 12:30, so I slept in a bit, listening to the radio. Had a poo. Took my time in the bathroom. 

I rode downtown to pump my girlfriend's bike tires with air. They lost air over the winter but she doesn't have a pump of her own so I took care of it while she was at work. The weather was gorgeous today, although a little too warm. We bought me a new jacket on the weekend, but it was even too hot for that. Kind of disappointing. I wonder if I'll even have a chance to wear it.

Did a bit of studying at school before my meeting and drank some coffee after the meeting. That's when the second poo came. It was funny too because I was in the accessibility bathroom at school playing sodoku on my phone and taking a crap when my girlfriend called. So we had a nice little chat while she unlocked her bike and I squeeze them out. We have a strange relationship. Strange, except that it's so perfect.

A little coke'll do ya

Yesterday was special in terms of food. I had an apple for breakfast, a little apple apparently from New Zealand, which was pretty good, but I might have preferred a McIntosh if at all possible. Oh well.

My girlfriend and I went out for a walk along Bloor St from the Annex to Yorkville in the beautiful weather. it was wonderful and we had lunch at one of our favourite places Okonomi House on Charles street. I got the bacon Okonomi Yaki, which tasted exactly as you'd expect it too. This was bacon meal number 2 for the past two days. The night before we had hamburgers and I put four slices of bacon on mine. It was fantastic.

So after Okonomi House we walkd back home and I cooked up a rack of Our Compliments ribs (which are always tasty) and roasted a couple of cubed and seasoned potatoes which turned out great. My girlfriend made herself a burrito/fajita thing that she makes now and then. it was leftovers, not enough for me. And apparently there wasn't enough of my meal for her, because I ate the whole damn thing.

She got one rib out of the rack and a handful of potatoes. I ate the rest. And some chips. And drank water (haven't been consuming enough water these past couple of months. Too much coffee instead).

So last night I felt there was a fair amount of shit up in me but I didn't feel like going. I didn't poo in the morning either, but i was gassy. I guess with all that meat I might have been a bit constipated. I guess I still am, because the only poo I've pooed today is what you see at the top of this post, and you know how that came about?

Well, when I came home to study today I bought a bottle of coke on the way. After my first sip I felt the need, and that's what came out. It felt like more at the time, but looking at it now, it's not much is it?

Hey, if anyone cares to, feel free to email me which of my poos is your favourite. I'll see about doing a photomosaic of all my poos so that they make the image of your favourite poo. I might need a few more still for it to work.

New Camera :(

I was out taking some pictures for work with my girlfriend's camera. I was on my bike. I had a backpack, but you know, it was on my back. I had a bunch of different places to go to to take pictures so I shoved the camera into my coat pocket. This was on a wednesday.

On monday I realized I had no idea where my girlfriend's camera was and as I traced back through my memory I realized the last time I touched the thing was on the previous wednesday. I guess it fell out at some point!

So I called the restaurant my girlfriend and I went to for dinner, hoping that it had fallen out when I tossed my coat into the seat. Then I went to the location of the meeting we went to later. Then I called the comic store I browsed at earlier in the day, and the record store I went to after that. Nothing.

I didn't tell the girlfriend at first. I didn't think she'd be angry, just disappointed, so I found a similar camera for sale on craigslist and bought it. When I told the girlfriend she was upset, and then she was mad that I'd bought her a new one. I didn't think she'd like the new one but I thought she'd at least accept it. She wouldn't. So now it's mine.

Lucky you!

So thick!

Well, not that thick. I've seen thicker shits (specifically from my girlfriend, guh), but this is thick for me, especially recently.

My girlfriend thinks my diet is poor. All I can think of is the addition of large amounts of coffee into my daily nutrition. I guess that could do it. But we're not just talking about my poos. I feel like my whole life has been suffering in the same manner as my craps. I don't feel good, or strong, or important at all anymore. I don't exactly feel depressed, or I haven't until the last couple of days, but in the last few months I've just felt useless.

In my group at school somehow I get by without doing much of anything because I always have insightful comments and whatnot. Now that it's time to create some content I'm at a loss. My grades haven't suffered though. I just got a paper back with an A- and I didn't put much effort into it.

I love my girlfriend and she loves me and that's all going great, but otherwise personally I feel like a total failure. I live with my brother, I haven't worked a job for money in two years. etc, etc. This is the kind of stuff I used to write about in my regular journal. I shouldn't subject you fine folks to this. I just thought there was a reasonable corelation between my poos and my moods. Now that the poos look better, maybe I'll get better?

A poo of great regret

Not really.

I've had some awful shits the last few days. Shits that weren't really worth writing about or taking a picture of, just unpleasant to deal with. I had a very explosive coffee shit the other day, sprayed all over the back of the bowl like some kind of monster.

I've had some tough ones too, hard to get out, not too flexible, but I didn't really know what I could say about it, and I was at the girlfriend's so I forgot to bring my camera in with me. Sorry folks.

In other news I finally got my hands on a reasonably priced copy of Season 1 & 2 of Homicide: Life on the Street! I'd seen it in stores before but it was usually $80, and although it's the first two seasons there are actually fewer disks than the other seasons I have. I now have 1 through 7, which is pretty much as far as I want to go with Homicide. I think it goes up to 9, but at that point they were under so much pressure from the network to compete with Nash Bridges that the elements that made the early episodes so good started to take a backseat. I also didn't like most of the new characters.

And now there's The Wire, which I only just saw two episodes of last night. A couple of friends of mine are crazy about this show, and since it's from David Simon, who wrote the book and a bunch of episodes for Homicide you know it's good.

In poo news, well I don't know what to tell you. This one was ready to go last night but I didn't really feel like sitting down so I left it until this morning. You'd think it would have been bigger given the circumstance, but who knows. My bowels are a mystery.

Forever and Poo

I did not poo this weekend. Just wasn't a priority. So I left it until just now.

After "work" on Friday my girlfriend and I went out for dinner then back to her place where I did not poo. I kind of felt like I had to but it wasn't pressing.

The next day we had a lazy morning and then did a little shopping. I thought for sure I'd have to poo by the time we got back but there was only gas.

We made chili for dinner and had a nice warm bowl of it. We watched a movie and some tv but still. Nothing. 

Sunday was pretty lazy too, didn't eat too much until dinner time when I met with a friend at Sneaky Dee's and washed down some chicken wings with a couple pints of beer. Now it was just a matter of hours.

There still was no panic by the time I came back to my place. I calmly put away my things and turned on my computer, picked out a book and sat down on the toilet in the bathroom. and then: squeeeeeeeeze. ugh. squeeeeeeeeeze. ugh. etc.

It took a while, and it felt kind of thick. Wasn't a nice poo exactly, but it was needed.

Needs and Wants and poo

I did not poo yesterday. I did not feel the need. This disturbs my girlfriend. She is an incredibly regular person. She poos every morning at the same time, give or take a few minutes. Sometimes she poos while at work and sometimes she poos in the evening, but generally she makes her poo in the morning. Every morning. What I find disturbing about her poo is how quickly it comes out. She doesn't take much longer to poo than she does to pee, but to me that's ridiculous (although I have been known to take a few very long pisses). I, like many men, if not most, bring a book with me when I poo because there's a good chance that I'll be in there for a while. There are books I have read only while on the can. And not necessarily "bathroom reading" either.

 

Anyhow, I did not poo yesterday, but i pooed this morning, and it was good. I did it at school, in the accessibility bathroom in my program's building. What's funny is, I was going to poo than use one of the computers in the lab, but after I finished my poo I decided to go to a different lab. It's funny because I went to my program's building only to poo. I understand this is similar to what some of my classmates do on a daily basis. haw haw

Been caught pooing, once, when I was five!

9:24am

10:42am

Oh I've been GASSY! Last night was pretty terrible. It's a good thing my girlfriend loves me so much because I was farting up a storm! She was farting quite a bit too, but I couldn't stop. the trouble was though, I didn't feel much like taking a shit. It didn't feel that urgent, so I didn't bother. I was afraid if I went and sat on the toilet it would just be more gas anyway, so I left it until this morning.

The first poo came out in an explosion of gas and shit spatter you can see some of the flecks. It wasn't really painful but it was kind of unpleasant. It was short however. Much shorter than I thought it would be. Turned out I wasn't finished.

About an hour later came a very urgent call from nature. call of nature. whatever. I sat down and it just oozed out of me. you can't see too well because this poo was actually layered. First was the soft shifts, almost like beer shits but with more cohesion. Like soft serve ice cream I guess. That layer nearly peaked out of the water, which is never very nice. I guess I should have taken a shot then, sorry. Next came little gassy sputters much like the first poo there. Soon it became apparent that this was just the break between courses. Finally the third layer of shit came in relatively uniform clumps as you can see. This must have been from the curry we made last night. Lots of veggies and spices and stuff. it was pretty good.

Isn't it great to think about your food like this? It's really just pre-shit! Delicious!!

Speaking of food, I found a No Frills grocery store near my brother's place and I'm almost positive it's closer than Dufferin Mall, which is great because I HATE that No Frills (too small and crowded). The worrisome part about this No Frills however is that it's right next to an LCBO and a Blockbuster. But I'll just have to be strong and resist the temptation to skip school to drink and play videogames.

Oh man, I wish you could hear the noises my guts are making right now! Holy Shit! I think there could be a good one for you tonight!

Vancouver Pooin'

I am actually writing this post from The Future, specifically January 4th, 2009 and I cannot recall the circumstances of each poo as they appear here. I apologize. In the future I will take care to make notes. What I will say is that these poos were made between the dates of December 22nd, 2008 and January 3rd, 2009.

Flight, coffee, poor diet and the gentle stress of travel has resulted in a touch of constipation. This is actually the first poo I've had since arriving in Vancouver on December 26th. As you'll notice it is now the 28th. Yuck.

But consider this: You fly to Vancouver to meet your girlfriend's mother. She usually lives in China but is in the city for work. She has a nice suite at a downtown hotel so you and your girlfriend are staying with the mother. How keen would you be to go take a shit while they watch HGTV in the next room? yeah.

Alone

No, I don't feel alone at all. I didn't poo at all today until my girlfriend and I got home from her brother's birthday dinner. They're chinese, and I mean the family is chinese. My girlfriend and her brother would be happy to go to swiss chalet or something I'm sure but when grandma is there and dad and step-mom, it calls for a nice big chinese dinner.

So we headed out to North York, or wherever, to one of the many strip malls full of authentic chinese restaurants. It was packed!

This is not the kind of chinese restaurant that serves chicken balls and special fried rice, no way man, peking duck, dumplings, some kind of spicy deep fried pork chop, jellyfish (I ate Jellyfish!, it was crunchy in a strange way, completely different from what I ever expected jellyfish to be like and unlike anything else I've ever eaten).

It was great, lots of delicious food, but so greasy! I was really surprised that this poo was so small, I was expecting the entire evening's meal to just slide right out of me. Instead all I got was this little guy. Cute.

Whoa, finally!

Didn't poo today until just now, 10:39pm. Yikes. My girlfriend thinks it's because I didn't have any coke today, but I think I had some yesterday, so I don't know if that really has anything to do with it.

Usually I poo in the morning and then if I don't then I poo in the afternoon. I was beginning to feel sheepish about my lack of movements until lying down for bed after a massively stuffing dinner.

Oh dinner. We got Roti from up the street. My girlfriend had the boneless chicken. I thought I'd try something new, so I got goat. It was great! It was huge, and my girlfriend didn't finish all of hers, so I did. Then I moaned and rolled around too full to be humble. Just as we were getting into bed I said, "Guess what! I haven't pooed today!" The girlfriend had a slightly concerned look. "But now I have to, yep, gotta go!" I gave her a kiss and turned out the light and went to the bathroom for a little while.

Almost done "Hyperion" by the way, like ALMOST FINISHED, it taking forever to get through the last story though, I haven't had much time for it. I can't wait! Unfortunately I have no idea when I might be able to read the next three books in the series. Sheesh.

Olympics

Been watching the Olympic Games with my girlfriend most mornings and evenings lately. We enjoy the games, we like it when people perform well, or beyond their previous best, so it's been a good games for that. Especially in Canada.

Seems like every Canadian athlete has beaten their personal best or beaten the Canadian record, but none of it is good enough to win a medal! Very disappointing. Apparently the best is yet to come though, so maybe we'll win something soon.

How many times have YOU crapped in your life?

I guess it's an odd thing to look at as an accomplishment, but this is my 97th post, including I think two or three no-photo posts, but also including several "double" posts, so I'd say I've got photos of about 100 shits on this blog.

And there's no way to avoid equating that with the fact that I have had over 100 bowel movements since I started this blog. I don't think that's something people think about very often. How many shits have you taken in your life? I can't answer that question for myself, but if you were to ask me how many shits have I taken in the last three months or so, I could easily tell you that it has been about 100.

My girlfriend could answer this question much more easily because she is an incredibly regular person. She shits every day at about 8:00 am. When she doesn't she gets worried. The last couple of days she has been a little worried. Somehow she forgot to take her pill on sunday, then on monday she didn't have to poo. Monday evening when she went to take her monday pill she realized she'd missed one so she took two. Tuesday morning she didn't have to poo. Could it be that The Pill makes not just your periods more predictable but also your shits?! Wednesday morning she pooed and was very happy about it. She also told me not to write about her ordeal. She also told me she doesn't read this blog, can't read this blog, won't read this blog. I'm okay with that. Nobody reads this blog.

But even if nobody reads this blog I will continue to post pictures of my poo. I don't have a goal in mind, this is an open ended project. I can't imagine why I'd stop. It's just so easy to do. So here's to another 100 poos, and a hundred more after that, and 1000 more beyond, ad nauseum.

Poo Knight

Finally saw Dark Knight this afternoon, in IMAX, with my girlfriend, exactly as I'd hope to see it.

My girlfriend wasn't 100% keen on seeing the movie at first and she really didn't give a shit if she saw it in IMAX or what, but because I "really really" wanted to she conceded and happened to finish work early this afternoon, so we decided to go (me being a bum it was not difficult to clear my schedule).

So it was great. It had problems with reality, asked you to make a couple of leaps in logic, but overall didn't ask too much and was plenty entertaining along the way.

The film's biggest fault is Christian Bale's Batman voice, or growl, or whatever you want to call it. I don't mind him having a husky, menacing Batman voice, but if it gets difficult to understand, you gotta scale it back, and when he's pleading with someone with a gun to a child's head, and it's a fairly emotional scene, you might expect Bruce Wayne's voice to peek through a crack here and there.

But whatever, it was epic, it didn't drag ever, and it was exciting.

Oh yeah, Heath Ledger. He was great too. I can't say Oscar though because what the fuck, he's playing a character, and he's clearly playing a "character". At one point during one of his diatribes I actually found myself wondering, "where did this guy come from?" What I mean is, we know why Batman is fucked up, we get to see why Two-Face is fucked up, but why the fuck is the Joker so fucked up? His stories about how he got his scars are different each time he tells it. Ledger makes him a very interesting character but unfortunately there's nothing there to discover. Maybe the Nolan brothers can tell us about what they had to cut for time in the DVD commentary.

Now on to the poo: Can't think of anything. Sorry.

the long and short of it, plus Pinapple Express

1:32am


1:18pm

In Montreal Pineapple Express is called Anana Express. This was one of the delights of the city we discovered on our trip a couple weeks ago.

Went to see it with my girlfriend last night. It was funny! It was a lot better than the reviews said, although it is purely stupid. It's not a SMART comedy by any stretch. I don't know what Eye magazine was expecting. Too much apparently because I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I don't even smoke pot. I've never even been high. Whatever. Go see it and laugh, don't try to analyze it.

In pooing news, I pooed as soon as we got home from the movie. It felt like it would be more, but it was just a decent long one, followed twelve hours later by an unpleasant little explosion of shit.

Lately my diet has followed nothing resembling a pattern and thus, neither have my poos.

Catch-Up

10:46am


4:41pm

Well it looks like all the coke and beer from the weekend caught up to me... with a splash. Although the poutine on Monday night probably didn't help.

Went to Utopia on college street for what is hailed as one of the best orders of poutine in the city (runner up to The Blue Chip Truck in front of Nathan Philips Square). It was a good poutine, tasty gravy, real curds, etc. The fries though, they were a little tough. Like they'd been fried, sat around for a long time and then fried again. Or maybe a few times. I don't know. They weren't frozen, pretty sure of that, but they were tough. Hard to describe.

And before the poutine I finished off some left over ribs from the weekend so I was really stuffed. Funny how your poo can look like what you ate, eh? Cheese Curds anyone?

Also: Found another poo blog. I guess I have some competition. If I was an outside observer I think I'd still prefer I Poo Daily to Daily Poo Poo though. See, GI Poo understands that people don't really want to get up close and personal with other people's shits, that's why he continues to use his cheap cell phone camera, he mostly prefers the fuzzy, kind of out of focus poo pictures. They're more abstract that way, leave a little to the imagination. Y'know?

It funny how similar our blogs are though. I suggest you read us both!

Pooing in Suburbia Part 3

Last poo of the weekend!

My girlfriend came out on the train on Sunday to meet my aunt and have some relaxing cable television. It was great to see her after two days without her. We're so in love!

My mom made pancakes and bacon for lunch, but a reasonable amount, unlike last time, then for dinner my dad smoked a few racks of ribs and bbq'd some corn on the cob. It was pretty damn good, although the ribs kind of just tasted like ham, and they didn't have any sauce at all. Not dry though and still yummy so there's no complaints.