Forever and Poo

I did not poo this weekend. Just wasn't a priority. So I left it until just now.

After "work" on Friday my girlfriend and I went out for dinner then back to her place where I did not poo. I kind of felt like I had to but it wasn't pressing.

The next day we had a lazy morning and then did a little shopping. I thought for sure I'd have to poo by the time we got back but there was only gas.

We made chili for dinner and had a nice warm bowl of it. We watched a movie and some tv but still. Nothing. 

Sunday was pretty lazy too, didn't eat too much until dinner time when I met with a friend at Sneaky Dee's and washed down some chicken wings with a couple pints of beer. Now it was just a matter of hours.

There still was no panic by the time I came back to my place. I calmly put away my things and turned on my computer, picked out a book and sat down on the toilet in the bathroom. and then: squeeeeeeeeze. ugh. squeeeeeeeeeze. ugh. etc.

It took a while, and it felt kind of thick. Wasn't a nice poo exactly, but it was needed.

Needs and Wants and poo

I did not poo yesterday. I did not feel the need. This disturbs my girlfriend. She is an incredibly regular person. She poos every morning at the same time, give or take a few minutes. Sometimes she poos while at work and sometimes she poos in the evening, but generally she makes her poo in the morning. Every morning. What I find disturbing about her poo is how quickly it comes out. She doesn't take much longer to poo than she does to pee, but to me that's ridiculous (although I have been known to take a few very long pisses). I, like many men, if not most, bring a book with me when I poo because there's a good chance that I'll be in there for a while. There are books I have read only while on the can. And not necessarily "bathroom reading" either.

 

Anyhow, I did not poo yesterday, but i pooed this morning, and it was good. I did it at school, in the accessibility bathroom in my program's building. What's funny is, I was going to poo than use one of the computers in the lab, but after I finished my poo I decided to go to a different lab. It's funny because I went to my program's building only to poo. I understand this is similar to what some of my classmates do on a daily basis. haw haw

Vancouver Pooin'

I am actually writing this post from The Future, specifically January 4th, 2009 and I cannot recall the circumstances of each poo as they appear here. I apologize. In the future I will take care to make notes. What I will say is that these poos were made between the dates of December 22nd, 2008 and January 3rd, 2009.

Flight, coffee, poor diet and the gentle stress of travel has resulted in a touch of constipation. This is actually the first poo I've had since arriving in Vancouver on December 26th. As you'll notice it is now the 28th. Yuck.

But consider this: You fly to Vancouver to meet your girlfriend's mother. She usually lives in China but is in the city for work. She has a nice suite at a downtown hotel so you and your girlfriend are staying with the mother. How keen would you be to go take a shit while they watch HGTV in the next room? yeah.

A Long Poo Good-Bye

No, I'm not going anywhere! I just couldn't think of a better headline, and this one did take a while.

I've actually been shitting A LOT this weekend. or this past week. I've almost completely lost track of everything.

School has me very stressed out, I'm incredibly over-caffienated and my bowel movement, while very stable and solid, have been irregular in other ways. I don't know if I should really be using the term irregular.

Let me explain.

Let's say I wake up in the morning with a fair amount of time before I have to leave for school. In the past this would have been prime shittin' time but lately there has been no poo early in the morning.

Not so long ago if I had not pooed at home first thing in the morning I would usually poo when I got to school or after my first class. Lately, not so much.

In fact, for the past week or so I've found myself forced to defecate at any given moment. Usually it will have been brewing for some time but I'd be in class or working on something and it wouldn't have seemed urgent, but the last few days it's just been like: "Hey guys, how's it going. Oh, I've got to take a shit RIGHT NOW!" and off I'd go.

Also, in general the poo seem more firm, smaller, shorter (time length) and darker. And I think the only substantial change to my diet has been a switch from coke to coffee, and I've been drinking a lot of coffee lately.

So maybe all you folks who have been saying my poos look unhealthy because they aren't dark and firm just need to lay off the coffee a bit.

Whoa, finally!

Didn't poo today until just now, 10:39pm. Yikes. My girlfriend thinks it's because I didn't have any coke today, but I think I had some yesterday, so I don't know if that really has anything to do with it.

Usually I poo in the morning and then if I don't then I poo in the afternoon. I was beginning to feel sheepish about my lack of movements until lying down for bed after a massively stuffing dinner.

Oh dinner. We got Roti from up the street. My girlfriend had the boneless chicken. I thought I'd try something new, so I got goat. It was great! It was huge, and my girlfriend didn't finish all of hers, so I did. Then I moaned and rolled around too full to be humble. Just as we were getting into bed I said, "Guess what! I haven't pooed today!" The girlfriend had a slightly concerned look. "But now I have to, yep, gotta go!" I gave her a kiss and turned out the light and went to the bathroom for a little while.

Almost done "Hyperion" by the way, like ALMOST FINISHED, it taking forever to get through the last story though, I haven't had much time for it. I can't wait! Unfortunately I have no idea when I might be able to read the next three books in the series. Sheesh.

How many times have YOU crapped in your life?

I guess it's an odd thing to look at as an accomplishment, but this is my 97th post, including I think two or three no-photo posts, but also including several "double" posts, so I'd say I've got photos of about 100 shits on this blog.

And there's no way to avoid equating that with the fact that I have had over 100 bowel movements since I started this blog. I don't think that's something people think about very often. How many shits have you taken in your life? I can't answer that question for myself, but if you were to ask me how many shits have I taken in the last three months or so, I could easily tell you that it has been about 100.

My girlfriend could answer this question much more easily because she is an incredibly regular person. She shits every day at about 8:00 am. When she doesn't she gets worried. The last couple of days she has been a little worried. Somehow she forgot to take her pill on sunday, then on monday she didn't have to poo. Monday evening when she went to take her monday pill she realized she'd missed one so she took two. Tuesday morning she didn't have to poo. Could it be that The Pill makes not just your periods more predictable but also your shits?! Wednesday morning she pooed and was very happy about it. She also told me not to write about her ordeal. She also told me she doesn't read this blog, can't read this blog, won't read this blog. I'm okay with that. Nobody reads this blog.

But even if nobody reads this blog I will continue to post pictures of my poo. I don't have a goal in mind, this is an open ended project. I can't imagine why I'd stop. It's just so easy to do. So here's to another 100 poos, and a hundred more after that, and 1000 more beyond, ad nauseum.

Skip a day, easy poo anyway

I didn't poo yesterday. I really thought I would have to, but I didn't.

The other night I ate the greasiest calzone of my life. Calzones are probably supposed to be greasy, since they're made with just cheese and sauce, but man, this was squishy!

I got it from Bitondo's, which happens to be just around the corner from my house (and is pretty famous for cheap, huge greasy pizza slices of just one variety) and it was already something like 10pm. I was ridiculously stuffed and greasy feeling after, and not particularly happy with myself. I kind of expected to wake up and have to take a monster shit right away... but I didn't. I didn't poo all day. I was starting to get concerned, but whatever. I knew it would happen eventually, and it did!

Man, now I want one of those fucking calzones again. Bastards!

Dingle Berries and Preserves

Last night


This afternoon

Technically these two poos occurred on different days, but to me they are just two parts of the same poo.

I didn't poo on Sunday or Monday, and I didn't poo on Tuesday until after I got home, which was about 11pm. My girlfriend and I had a nice bike ride up to Mt. Pleasant cemetery and through some parks and along St. Clair West. That was our Canada Day, nice but not too exciting. It was a lot of sunlight and we were pretty tired at the end of the day but had to stay up for Gordon Ramsay and Hell's Kitchen, which we thought would be the last episode BUT IT WASN'T!!

Anyway, we could see fireworks fairly well from my girlfriend's window so we didn't go out and besides I was planning on getting up at 4am the next morning. So I went home. I didn't end up getting to bed until midnight or so and spent some of that awake time trying to push out what turned out to be that little shit at the top of this post. Out of all the time I spent on the toilet last night a fair amount of it took place with the little nub in the foreground dangling from my anus hairs. Not an entirely unpleasant feeling, but certainly undesireable.

Well it took forever and I was very disappointed to see that that was all there was. I was sure there was more.

I slept poorly and woke up at 4:20am to get on a train, then a bus, to Bowmanville to have a meeting with someone at the Clarington town hall. I didn't really have time to poo this morning even though I definitely felt like I needed to. In fact, I knew I had to poo with great certainty for most of the train ride and all through the meeting. AND BACK HOME AGAIN!

Finally I was home, but there was a message for me from my old boss who wanted to borrow my key to one of the stores because no one seemed to have a copy(!), so I had to leave again, still without having poo'd! By the time I got back home again I was ready to go, and it was quite glorious. Not a huge crap but substantial and definitely related to last night's event.

The End.

... or is it?
(it is for today)