Pain in the ass indeed

Why does it have to be painful? I feel like a small child who doesn't understand that it can be painful to poo. In my search for similar blogs, some time ago, I came upon a post on a parenting forum in which a mother was upset because her child would not poo. It would not do it. It had a painful poo once and so decided it didn't want to do it anymore. Of course not pooing naturally leads to constipation and even greater pain. I'm not sure how old this kid was but it's hard not to be judgemental. I mean, this kid has to be stupid right?

Maybe not. Humans have this thing about denying their animal instincts, it's how we get ourselve to do all kinds of things. Maybe this kid is just ahead of the curve.

Anyway, this one was painful. It was preceded by a lot of gas, then a series of pushes that resulted in nothing, just the confirmation that something hard and thick was in there. ugh. I was trying to read too, so I was getting annoyed by the distraction of a poo that wouldn't plop. Finally I put down the book, Scud: The Disposable Assassin, The Whole Shebang, and concentrated. I pushed. I pushed hard, and I pushed past the pain. Finally it came out, thick and alone. Nothing else came after that. I let my ass rest a bit and hoped a little more might make its way out while I was there, but no, that was it.

Kind of looks like a cock doesn't it?

Oh! and Chuck Palahniuk is giving a reading here in Toronto tomorrow. It's $10 at the Isabel Bader theatre. I'd like to go, but I can't really spare $10, and for some reason I filtered out my copies of Fight Club and Rant when I moved and so they're sitting in a box in my parent's basement. Why would I do that, but over-burden myself with so much Douglas Coupland and Roald Dahl?

Also enjoyed the new Star Trek movie this weekend. I find the whole "so we're in an alternate timeline?" "Yes, whatever our lives would have been has now been changed" idea a little dubious. It's basically an excuse to NOT follow any of the canon. And what fan really want from a new series of Star Trek movies is to see some classic old episodes redone with today's energy and CG effects. Imagine the Gorn today, or Kirk vs. Spock? It even looks like the original pilot won't be recreated since Kirk takes control of the Enterprise right away and Pike has been "relieved". hmmm.

This poo spilled out of my ass.

I knew it would too. I could feel it. It's my fault for not pooing earlier. I had to poo earlier today but it wasn't like I NEEDED to, so I waited. I won a cheeseburger by peeling off the sticker from a Burger King fries so i redeemed that instead of pooing. I knew that would come back to haunt me, but it was a free burger and I had to return a movie anyway.

By the time I got home I didn't have to poo at all, which is never a good sign. I didn't do much this afternoon, and I didn't feel like doing much so I made a cup of coffee to get me motivated. Motivated onto the toilet apparently.

You ever get that feeling in your bowels where you know that if you were forced to run you'd end up with shit going down the backs of your legs? Yeah, I had that going on. Luckily I wasn't in gym class ('cause I've been through that before), so I just made my way to the toilet and sat down with "Rant". Out it came in one foul sploosh. Ick. Not watery at all though, just you know, soft and in bits and pieces, as you can see. I read about one page and then I was done so I snapped the pic and here you go!

My job interview on tuesday went fairly well by the way. As long as the other applicants were dumb-bells I'm a shoe-in. But who knows. I got an email from another job I thought I'd be appropriate for this morning rejecting my application. bastards. Glad I slept in.

Laaaast Niiiight, I pooooooed...

Two poos in one day. I think it might have had something to do with staying at my own house tonight instead of at my girlfriends house. It isn't that she makes me constipated at all but I guess when I'm alone there's this particular kind of boredom that sets in where I think "Well I guess I could go for a poo", and I take a book into the bathroom and start crapping.

Incidentally I am currently reading Rant by Chuck Palahniuk. I just restarted it after being away from it about ten months due to school. It's pretty good, just sort of describing the adolescence of the title character for now. I'm curious to see where it goes though.

Next texture tonight eh? Nice and dark colour, fairly rigid. I'm proud of this one.