Nice and easy beer shit

This poo started off with a single long cable, but after that things got pretty soft and yucky. After the exam yesterday I had a roast beef sandwich from home for lunch but didn't really eat anything else for the rest of the afternoon.

My friend was having a bbq at his house in the east end, but it wasn't until dinner time and I had nothing to do so I just headed out on my bike and rode out to the beaches for the afternoon. Ate a snickers and drank a can of coke.

At the bbq my friend made some amazing burgers and I had four beers (two of which were kind of big) so I was fairly drunky by the time I left. I slept really well, but a little too long this morning. So this was my morning beer shit even through it wasn't until almost 2. But as a beer shit it wasn't too bad. Slid out easy, which isn't always nice, but it was all right.

2 piles of poop -- Nice weather.

9:21am

4:58pm

Was a good day today. No exams, nothing to do until 12:30, so I slept in a bit, listening to the radio. Had a poo. Took my time in the bathroom. 

I rode downtown to pump my girlfriend's bike tires with air. They lost air over the winter but she doesn't have a pump of her own so I took care of it while she was at work. The weather was gorgeous today, although a little too warm. We bought me a new jacket on the weekend, but it was even too hot for that. Kind of disappointing. I wonder if I'll even have a chance to wear it.

Did a bit of studying at school before my meeting and drank some coffee after the meeting. That's when the second poo came. It was funny too because I was in the accessibility bathroom at school playing sodoku on my phone and taking a crap when my girlfriend called. So we had a nice little chat while she unlocked her bike and I squeeze them out. We have a strange relationship. Strange, except that it's so perfect.

Sore back, but not so much now.

My lower back was really killing me yesterday, and to a lesser extent the day before. I'm going to blame my studying habit. Lately what I've been doing is sitting cross legged on my bed, hunched over my books. Really awful position to be in. I may have also slept funny the other night, which probably really fucked things up.

This morning though I foke up feeling mostly fine. No obligations at all today so I'm just studying for my last exam which is tomorrow. I should do pretty well, but I'm getting frustrated going through the materials. The course is supposed to be about How, but it's really just been What Is, if you know what I mean. I won't go into it.

Ate a peanut butter sandwich for lunch yesterday, drank a bunch of coffee and ate a roast beef sandwich. Didn't result in much this morning but I expect there'll be more later today. I probably won't blog it unless it's exceptional though.

My civilian alterego is now on twitter, which is interesting, but not as revolutionary as everyone seems to think. I'll probably have some thoughts on the subject, but it'll be too much trouble for me to update on there as well as on here. So you're just going to have to keep checking here for updates. Sorry folks.

Shit shits on floor, teacher sends him home with it.

Father: Son, Age 5, Sent Home With Bag Of Feces In Backpack

Pretty amazing piece of work by a kindergarten teachers who's had it up to here with kids shitting in his classroom.

Not more than a stain

I had some rather unpleasant toilet experiences today. Not sure what the deal was, but it worked itself out.

Earlier in the day, before this one, I was at school after an exam and I was drinking coffee. I felt like I would probably have to poo at some point, but there wasn't anything urgent about it.

I made a phone call and before I went back into the computer lab it hit me.

Unfortunately someone else decided they needed to pee right after and for some reason I went into the common bathroom rather than the private accessibility bathroom. So stupid. So I sat and had trouble preventing myself from farting these horrible spluttering farts, and i didn't know who the other guy was. It easily could have been a friend of mine who I would rather did not hear me shit these horrible little spluttering shits. It was horrible.

In the end the other fellow left and I squeeze what I could out of my body but it still wasn't anything.

When I came home to my girlfriend's place I sat down to poo for real and there was already a little toilet paper in there. Good thing otherwise there wouldn't be a photo here would there? Good thing for you eh?!

So all that came out was a horrible spattering of shit goo. Fucking gross. This is seriously one of the only genuinely disgusting photos on this blog if you ask me.

Sorry.

Veggie burgers

Have you had President's Choice World's Best Meatless Burgers?

They're great. And I eat meat. I eat meat, but I love these burgers. They're basically all I've eaten in the past three days.

Well, that and all dressed chips. and coke. I've been drinking coke all the while.

The reason is that I'm studying. Studying for exams. I have two exams, and they're spaced apart nicely, but the first one is going to be a real ball buster. So I've gone simple for dinner and lunches all week. This week it's been the World's Best Meatless Burgers, with mozzerella cheese.

Wish me luck.

Oh yeah, pile it up. Shit yeah.

Haven't been active much lately. Sorry about that. Like I've said before, it's not that I haven't been pooing, it's just that the poos haven't been too exciting.

That and I've been incredibly busy with school, and highly stressed. Not angry-stressed, really, but just intense with busy-ness.

What's amazing is that my poos haven't been necessarily all that stressed seeming. I've been drinking a lot of coffee, so that seems to soften things up a bit, and I haven't been eating so well, so I guess that doesn't really help much, but just look at that one there.

Okay, I know a lot of you don't like poos like that. They don't seem healthy to you because they're all soft and everything but you know I feel all backed up until I squeeze out that shit and then I feel GOOD, so I don't know what your problem is.

What's that? Nobody reads this and I'm just conversing with nobody? Could be. I guess that would indicate that I actually feel kind of guilty about my low-quality poos. Maybe that's true. I do take more satisfaction in a nicely coiled, fairly dark poo, and I realize my diet has been pretty poor lately...

Whatever, screw you! Look at that picture! It looks awesome!! and it wouldn't have turned out so well if it hadn't oozed out like soft-serve icecream and peaked out of the water. So you can shove it!

Oh, in other news the other day my hits hit a new one-day record of 15. I don't know who you are, but thanks.

A rock slide

My stomach has been rumbling a lot lately. It doesn't make me feel sick, or like I'm gonna shit any second, but it's uncomfortable and very noisy.

My best guess about it is that I drink too much coffee and don't eat enough in general. My stomach feels empty most of the time. I still ride my bike very frequently despite living about 6 km from school. So I bike about 12km a day, which I imagine would burn a lot of calories? So maybe I'm burning more than I'm taking in? Haven't weighed myself though.

So my poos, as a result of this, can be fairly unpredictable, wimpy and unimpressive. Wimpy in the sense that they're sometimes way too soft and come out looking like ribbons of shit. Not nice. So i have to cut back on the coffee.

This morning I was thinking: What's worse, coffee shits, coke shits or beer shits. But that was stupid of me, beer shits are clearly the worst. They stink the worst and they feel the worst. But they usually only come about in the morning so they're predictable at least.

Tight hole poo

I had raisin bran and orange juice for breakfast and when i arrived at school I ate a granola bar and drank some coffee. I think the coffee did it. I didn't feel much like going immediately but shortly after there was an urgent need. It squeezed out like soft serve, but through a tighter hole. mine.

A cuckold

I was at school and I felt like I had to poo a little so I headed for the accessibility bathroom. Something smelled a touch earthy in there when I went through the door. At first I thought it was just that someone had been in there before me, that I could handle, but as I approached the toilet I realized the smell wasn't from someone who had been there and left, but from something that was still there.

The toilet was full of toiletpaper with one giant shit sitting above the water grinning shamelessly at me.

I considered taking a photo, but decided that I didn't want to give any coverage to anbody else's shits on this blog. This blog is for my shit, not yours. 

So I waited until I got home and had a very nice poop indeed. Honestly the more poops I see (ratemypoo.com for instance) the more I feel that mine are not inferior, but more polite. They actually seem friendlier, nicer, know what I mean? I've gotten some criticism because they don't look robust enough, or "healthy", but like myself, my poos are comfortable in their own skin and don't feel the need to prove itself to anyone.

poo. it had to be poo.

Watched the Indiana Jones trilogy this weekend. I'd say all three stand up pretty well. For some reason everybody thinks Temple of Doom sucks or is the worst of the three but my girlfriend loves it the most (because she was once a small chinese child like Short Round) and after watching all three together you see that it really isn't any worse than the rest (and it's a lot better than Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls).

but that was the weekend and today is today.  After yesterdays long awaited shit I didn't poo again until today at 2:30pm. I was actually wondering when it might happen. I had class at 9 and after that drank a coffee and ate a slice of some kind of blueberry bread or something before going shopping for new office-like clothes. I was afraid I would have to poo in a mall bathroom, but it just didn't come! I stopped in at my girlfriend's place to drop some stuff off and pick some stuff up and I sat for a bit, but still, no poo! As soon as I got to my place though, POOP!

I peed, then I farted and thought I'd done a little more (I was still clean though) and then delivered this beautiful baby! all right!

Needs and Wants and poo

I did not poo yesterday. I did not feel the need. This disturbs my girlfriend. She is an incredibly regular person. She poos every morning at the same time, give or take a few minutes. Sometimes she poos while at work and sometimes she poos in the evening, but generally she makes her poo in the morning. Every morning. What I find disturbing about her poo is how quickly it comes out. She doesn't take much longer to poo than she does to pee, but to me that's ridiculous (although I have been known to take a few very long pisses). I, like many men, if not most, bring a book with me when I poo because there's a good chance that I'll be in there for a while. There are books I have read only while on the can. And not necessarily "bathroom reading" either.

 

Anyhow, I did not poo yesterday, but i pooed this morning, and it was good. I did it at school, in the accessibility bathroom in my program's building. What's funny is, I was going to poo than use one of the computers in the lab, but after I finished my poo I decided to go to a different lab. It's funny because I went to my program's building only to poo. I understand this is similar to what some of my classmates do on a daily basis. haw haw

The Logdriver's Waltz

Some tasty floaters today.

More gassiness and unsure pooping lately. 

This one came along suddenly after a large coffee in the afternoon. 

In my program's building at school there's a handicap washroom which locks and is very private and nice. I love to shit there. It's particularly nice that it isn't supposedly a staff washroom, so I shouldn't have any official reason to not be there. Of course I do not have any special needs requiring a large bathroom all to myself, so if someone in a wheelchair were to knock on the door I'd feel bad, but that hasn't happened yet, so I'll continue to shit there as long as I can.

Poos and News

In the news, a Man sent poo through the mail, now he's being indicted. But first:

This poo must have been brewing for a while. Maybe I'm sick, I don't know, but the last few days my stomach hasn't taken much time off from rumbling and gurgling and I've been very gassy.

Well today I was at school in the computer lab and it eventually became apparent that I needed to poo so I headed off to the handicap washroom (single toilet, locking door, quite nice) to make my dump. It started with a spattering of shit and fluid like most of them have been lately. You can see at the bottom of the image a phlegmy looking item, but it isn't phlegm, it came out of my ass. I had always been under the impression that Santorum only resulted from anal sex, but this seems to be about the same kind of stuff as I've heard about. Who can say?

Anyhow, it was gross (as it usually is), but as has been the case in recent days this poo was not without complexity.

What started with a spattering of shit and fluids became a drip, drop, plop of cheesy-shaped shits that really turned my stomach. They resembled those dense, crunchy cheesies, not so much the cat poo-looking ones, and they were light, i guess, so they tended to dangle prior to the plunge. All I wanted was a good, satisfying SHIT, but instead I got a series of tiny, gassy, dangling bastard poops trotting out of my asshole like dawdling school children. Finally the last one made its way through and I sat comfortably as my innards resettled themselves and I wiggled my backside to prevent any danglers from following me off the toilet as I took the photo.

Now to our top story:

http://www.argusleader.com/article/20090108/NEWS/901080329/1001

A Sioux Falls man was indicted Tuesday in federal court for allegedly sending animal feces through the mail. Jeffrey Scott DeZeeuw, 45, is charged in U.S. District Court in Sioux Falls with mailing injurious articles. The indictment alleges that on July 21, DeZeeuw sent animal feces in a letter addressed to the Minnehaha County Clerk of Courts.

and:

C-Monster says no to art involving bodily fluids.

http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/art/archives/158917.asp?from=blog_last3

With commentary by another blogger.

Betwixt two Poos

This is a lovely image isn't it? I have to say I'm very impressed with the amount of light available in the bathroom of my brother's house. Even if the fixture shows up in the water it's a small price to pay for such a glorious shot of shit. My girlfriend's bathroom is terribly dark. I have to stand in the shadow of the only light in order to even take the picture (that's why those ones are so grainy).

So school starts up again this week and I'm looking forward to it. I may have mentioned that I'll be doing an exciting field placement, plus there's a client-based studio involving actually non-teacher people. I intend to destroy all my classmates over the course of this semester, securing my position once and for all as The Greatest.

Happy Poo Year!!

1:47am

6:48pm

I am actually writing this post from The Future, specifically January 4th, 2009 and I cannot recall the circumstances of each poo as they appear here. I apologize. In the future I will take care to make notes. What I will say is that these poos were made between the dates of December 22nd, 2008 and January 3rd, 2009.

Happy New Year folks! Feelin' fine in 2009! Things should be pretty exciting this year. I betcha I get a job this summer! I've got a pretty sweet placement through my school this semester and my schedule looks like it'll be pretty open for all my extra stuff.

The Dark (K)Poo

The poos have been dark lately. Must be the coffee as previously discussed. It's the only substantial change to my diet in the last few weeks/months.

Anyhow, I'm really sorry but I did not photograph a poo I made earlier this evening. The thing is I did it at school, in a bathroom close to my class room, just before class began and I was afraid of the ramifications if I had been caught photographing it.

But it was delightful.

I had arrived to class early and I was sitting chatting with my friend but a dreadful amount of gas was putting pressure on my insides so I left to use the washroom. I knew I had to poo eventually, but thought I could wait until after class as long as I released some gas in the mean time. When I tried to fart, however, I felt there was a blockage, so I headed for a stall.

I quickly removed my pants and sat on the toilet before completely relaxing my sphincter to allow whatever was inside to escape. Like a pumpkin shot from a cannon a sizeable lump of shit and a great deal of gas exploded from my anus. It hit the water with a splash and I felt almost completely relieved of my stool. It was great, actually.

I knew there was more up there but for the time being I was felt satisfied and was able to return to the class in time for the lecture. When I got home from school I called my girlfriend and after that made the poo you see at the top of the page. I consider it to be of the same poo as my earlier event, which is why I've tagged this as a double.

A Long Poo Good-Bye

No, I'm not going anywhere! I just couldn't think of a better headline, and this one did take a while.

I've actually been shitting A LOT this weekend. or this past week. I've almost completely lost track of everything.

School has me very stressed out, I'm incredibly over-caffienated and my bowel movement, while very stable and solid, have been irregular in other ways. I don't know if I should really be using the term irregular.

Let me explain.

Let's say I wake up in the morning with a fair amount of time before I have to leave for school. In the past this would have been prime shittin' time but lately there has been no poo early in the morning.

Not so long ago if I had not pooed at home first thing in the morning I would usually poo when I got to school or after my first class. Lately, not so much.

In fact, for the past week or so I've found myself forced to defecate at any given moment. Usually it will have been brewing for some time but I'd be in class or working on something and it wouldn't have seemed urgent, but the last few days it's just been like: "Hey guys, how's it going. Oh, I've got to take a shit RIGHT NOW!" and off I'd go.

Also, in general the poo seem more firm, smaller, shorter (time length) and darker. And I think the only substantial change to my diet has been a switch from coke to coffee, and I've been drinking a lot of coffee lately.

So maybe all you folks who have been saying my poos look unhealthy because they aren't dark and firm just need to lay off the coffee a bit.

The Democratic Poorty

I'm actually quite glad and optimistic about Barack Obama's election, so I don't mean to make any associations between the democrats and a steaming pile of shit. You know me, I just like poo puns.

So I was at Sneaky Dee's at College and Bathurst last night enjoying some dinner and a few beers with a good friend, according to plans that did not take into account the US Election. Didn't even occur to me when we decided which day to meet up, but whatever. Dee's had CNN on the tv instead of sports, so that was cool.

The restaurant got a lot of spill over from Plaza Flamingo next door, which was the venue for the Democrats Abroad election party. Lots of Americans in this town apparently.

I wasn't planning on drinking too much or staying out too late, but the election made for pretty compelling television and my friend and I hadn't hung out for a while, so we shared two and a half pitchers while watching the events unfold.

When I got out to my bike I discovered my front light was missing. I blame the high concentration of Americans in the area. I'm joking. I'm sure it was just some assholes who thought it'd be cool to turn on the light and see how far they could throw it or something. Well, the joke was on them (I hope), because the batteries were almost dead and it was becoming increasingly difficult to turn on and off.

So this poo wasn't the first poo of the day. The first one was a good case of beer shits first thing in the morning, but you know how I've been cutting back on this blog. This poo was made while at school and man, did I take my time on it. Whoo! I didn't even realize what kind of a poo it was turning out to be until I had a look, and I was surprised so I thought I'd share it with you folks.

There was a ton of gas with this poo, loud gas, but not painful. As you can see most of the poos are pretty small and soft. I blame the beer and the coke I had to drink with lunch. Yes, I've been cutting down my Coke consumption but I still drink it here and there. Definitely not as much as I used to though.

Rather Menacing

Something unsettling about this photo. It looks a little distorted, possibly by the water. Has the feel of a David Lynch image maybe.

This poo arrived just as I got settled into a study room at the library at school. I was planning on spending the day reading through books about natural wastewater treatment processes and sustainable community design but as soon as my laptop finished booting up I felt a sudden need to shit. I had to pack everything up again and head to the bathroom.

It came out very easily, maybe too easy. It was very soft, not sure what that was owing to.