I see a theme here

The last couple of days have been pretty soupy, don't really know what to tell you. At least they're quick!

no more coke PLEASE

8:47am


2:38pm

I know, nobody is forcing me to drink all this coke all the time. So it's up to me to stop. I think I can do it, well, I can cut back a whole bunch anyway. Last semester I had the idea of buying cases of coke from the grocery store near school and leaving it in my locker. I'd get lots of icoke points for each of those, it would save me money, it would prevent me from having coke at home and it would not be refrigerated so it wouldn't even be very tasty or anything. Easy to resist I figure. But as soon as I thought of that I started thinking of ways to refrigerate my locker. So clearly I am addicted.

Rock bottom in terms of coca-cola addiction is hard to define, but here's a hint: This morning I got out of bed and stood in front of the toilet for a piss. I felt a fart coming on so I squeezed a little. It was being finicking so I reached back and pulled one butt cheek to the side. The fart that resulted was wet and sloppy. It was gross. I thought it was like that from sweat, my ass gets very sweaty, but I instantly realized there was a poo up there behind the gas, so I sat down and squeezed out a little plop. it wasn't much and I was unprepared so there's no photograph. This worst part of this story though is what I discovered once I'd sat down on the toilet. There on the floor between my feet was a phlegmy looking ass loogie (I don't know what else to call it). You know when your shit is really runny and it's difficult to call it solid? It was a little sample of that. I guess it came out of my ass when I farted. Made me feel a little sick to my stomache. I didn't tell my girlfriend about it, but I suppose she might read about it now. Sorry honey. I cleaned it up though.

Montreal Poo #2

Remember how I hate it when the poo gets above the water line? This was particularly unpleasant because I had gone another whole day without crapping.

It started off reasonable and fine but boy, it didn't end well. I actually wished the toilet had been see through (not really), because I think this poo took the shape of a mushroom cloud. I guess a lot of it get held up by the toilet itself because as you can see, in front there appears to be a lot of unoccupied space.

So how come this poo turned out so fucking ugly? Well first there was coffee, then there was granola bars (a staple of this trip), then nachos, coke, more coke, beer, poutine, and another coke. 'nuff said.

The Poutine was from La Banquise Poutine on Rue Rachel and it was pretty damn good. I could have done with more cheese curds but that's a small quibble. My girlfriend and I ordered the Large Poutine Obelix, that's with smoked meat on it, and shared it on a park. For some reason we thought the place was on a different street and we were very discouraged until we stumbled upon the actual location by chance, then we were happy! Youpee!

Kibbles and Bits and Cottage Cheese

Don't these two look like dog food and cottage cheese, respectively?

I haven't been having a good week. I haven't been eating very well, I actually flushed a poo without taking a picture by accident the other day AND I've been a little depressed about being a loser lately. The result: Shits like the above two, both in the same day. And I had another soupy one last night but my girlfriend was around so I didn't photograph it. Sorry.

I still don't have a job. I'm running out of money. My girlfriend says she'll loan me my rent, but what guy wants his girlfriend to do that?! I'm a bum, a dead beat, a loser, etc.

On the bright side, this week marks the start of Phase II of my P90X. I'm quite impressed with myself for making it this far. The sad truth though is that I probably wouldn't have made it this far if I had a job. How depressing is that.

Plus the weather has been fucking awful lately. We had a couple of good sunny days this week, but it rained last weekend and it's really weird out right now. It was supposed to be 30 celsius, feels like 40, but instead it's 17! I don't know who fucked that up, and it feels like it's going to rain any second, but it hasn't yet. Story of my life.

Yeah, the whole idea of "eating well", like even marginally following the p90x nutrition guide has been completely ignore the last two to three weeks. Not COMPLETELY ignored, but in the past week or two I've had a few beers, a pound of wings, half a large pizza, about 4 litres of coke, ice cream, candy, etc, etc, etc. I wouldn't have taken notice at all two or three months ago, but now I'm all "ugh, that's unhealthy, blah blah blah". Probably has a lot to do with my mood eh?

Yoga X today was brutal. I felt like a whiny baby. I started off fine but by half way through I was just pissed off by everything. Couldn't even appreciate the stretching feeling.

Life sucks. but I guess it'll only get better.

On the Runs

Something in my lower guts quivered as my girlfriend and I walked towards Bloor street after having dinner at Shanghai Cowgirl. I'd had the same thing as last time, the Philly Cheese sandwich, but this evening the sauce tasted a bit different. I thought maybe it was just a bit too creamy, or instead of actually using mushrooms they used a can of soup. Whatever it was it didn't taste so great.

I don't neccessarily blame the food there for what happened though. The only other thing I'd had to eat during the day was a small glass of Mudslide, a sausage from the street corner and a can of coke. And I had a can of pepsi with the Philly Cheese sandwich.

By the time we got to Harbord it was decided that I would go directly to my girlfriend's house and she would continue up to Bloor to rent a movie and get some candy. I really didn't feel like getting any candy though.

The walk on Harbord from Spadina to Bathurst was intense. I felt sweat beading up on my ass and thighs. I couldn't be sure it wasn't poo leaking out of my ass. I didn't dare let out any farts or unclench my buttocks for any reason. I knew this would be a gusher.

I made it up the stairs to my girlfriend's apartment, opened the door, grabbed a book ("Hyperion") and undid my pants. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get my pants off in time and almost cursed the decision to waste precious miliseconds picking up the book, but I managed to sit down on the toilet in time to let it all out.

ugh, what a sound.

and the smell!

Of course, nothing really beats the sensation of expelling something foul from your body.

Stressy Poos

So now you know what happens when you don't poo for three days in a row because you're too busy and stressed out studying for exams. It was the sort of thing where I'd feel like I had to poo but there'd be nothing but gas in the morning. Then I'd feel like I had to poo while at school but I had to write an exam, etc.

So yesterday I poo'd twice. The first was a decent crap that started out fairly firm and robust but finished kind of sloppy. I should have known what that was foreshadowing.

A couple hours later I had another poo. This one was soupy and disgusting. It wasn't the worst soupy poo of my life but it was rather unpleasant and as you can see: Frothy.

The exams went pretty well. I have one more this morning and I feel quite prepared for it. Wish me luck!