Vancouver Pooin'

I am actually writing this post from The Future, specifically January 4th, 2009 and I cannot recall the circumstances of each poo as they appear here. I apologize. In the future I will take care to make notes. What I will say is that these poos were made between the dates of December 22nd, 2008 and January 3rd, 2009.

Flight, coffee, poor diet and the gentle stress of travel has resulted in a touch of constipation. This is actually the first poo I've had since arriving in Vancouver on December 26th. As you'll notice it is now the 28th. Yuck.

But consider this: You fly to Vancouver to meet your girlfriend's mother. She usually lives in China but is in the city for work. She has a nice suite at a downtown hotel so you and your girlfriend are staying with the mother. How keen would you be to go take a shit while they watch HGTV in the next room? yeah.

Like a christmas fruit cake... of poo

This poo was a little bit of everything, just look at those smooth logs at the bottom, the chunky Oh Henry type pieces on top. And you can't tell but there are a few kibbles in there too. Quite a horror show this one was!

And it occurred in the basement bathroom where I am now living. Not an ideal place to take a shit and I'll tell you why. First, the toilet is not very securely fastened to the ground. It wobbles as you shift your weight, especially when you wipe. Secondly, there is no fan in the bathroom, so you're left to swim in your own stank. Third, the bathroom is right next to my office area in the basement, meaning that the un-exhausted stank floats effortlessly towards where I do things like post pictures of my poo on the internet. So I'm not sure how often I'll use this bathroom.

Plus, as you may be able to tell the lighting is bad for poo shots. There's a lot of glare because the light is almost right above the toilet and the ceiling is low. The up-side of the low ceiling is that the closeness of the light makes my shadow look huge when I'm sitting on the toilet. It's kind of fun.

It's almost christmas, which will be spent at my parents house, followed by a trip to vancouver to visit my girlfriend's mom, so don't expect an update until I get back. I will try, however, to capture as many of my poos for you so I can post them later. If you are reading this in the future you will not notice any difference though because I always date my posts according to when the photo was taken, not when I wrote the post. Please excuse the deception, I think it helps the blog flow.

A Stick Driven into Frozen Winter Shit

So it's cold out now. So far this blog has been written entirely during summer months. It's warm in the summer. It's cold in the autumn and winter. And that's where we are now in Toronto. It rained little beads of ice on me on my way home from school last night. My coat was covered in tiny white specks that quickly turns to wet dots of water.

But none of this has much to do with poo.

Or my absense all this time.

What has happened? I finished P90X has previously mentioned and took a month off from it. A month and a bit I guess. I continued to do push ups and pull ups though and my arms do seem noticeably stronger or defined. Now that I've restarted P90X I'm finding I have less energy to do it. Possibly because I'm actually doing other things during the day, specifically going to classes.

Speaking of which. I had a class trip to Philadelphia for a week. It was fun. My shits were pretty massive the whole time, possibly because of the giant free breakfast offered by the hotel every day coupled with easy access to delicious cheesesteaks. But I had to share a room with class mates so the click of the camera phone would be a little conspicuous. Sorry.

This is not the restart of regular blogging though, I'll still only be doing it once in a while, but I thought I'd check in and let you all know what's happening. 

Montreal Poo #2

Remember how I hate it when the poo gets above the water line? This was particularly unpleasant because I had gone another whole day without crapping.

It started off reasonable and fine but boy, it didn't end well. I actually wished the toilet had been see through (not really), because I think this poo took the shape of a mushroom cloud. I guess a lot of it get held up by the toilet itself because as you can see, in front there appears to be a lot of unoccupied space.

So how come this poo turned out so fucking ugly? Well first there was coffee, then there was granola bars (a staple of this trip), then nachos, coke, more coke, beer, poutine, and another coke. 'nuff said.

The Poutine was from La Banquise Poutine on Rue Rachel and it was pretty damn good. I could have done with more cheese curds but that's a small quibble. My girlfriend and I ordered the Large Poutine Obelix, that's with smoked meat on it, and shared it on a park. For some reason we thought the place was on a different street and we were very discouraged until we stumbled upon the actual location by chance, then we were happy! Youpee!

Montreal Poo #1

It was a long drive with several stops of questionable nutritionality before we reached montreal with a mission of eating smoked meat, poutine and bagels (separately of course).

This poo came the morning after our arrival when all I'd had to eat the day before was coke (of course), a wendy's double cheeseburger, granola bars and some okay Indian food on Rue St-Denis.

My girlfriend was up already and she said she heard my phone camera shutter sound effect but our two travel-mates were still fast asleep.

As you can tell I must have really needed to poo since you can see that the poo has topped the water line. I hate it when it does that.