A Stick Driven into Frozen Winter Shit

So it's cold out now. So far this blog has been written entirely during summer months. It's warm in the summer. It's cold in the autumn and winter. And that's where we are now in Toronto. It rained little beads of ice on me on my way home from school last night. My coat was covered in tiny white specks that quickly turns to wet dots of water.

But none of this has much to do with poo.

Or my absense all this time.

What has happened? I finished P90X has previously mentioned and took a month off from it. A month and a bit I guess. I continued to do push ups and pull ups though and my arms do seem noticeably stronger or defined. Now that I've restarted P90X I'm finding I have less energy to do it. Possibly because I'm actually doing other things during the day, specifically going to classes.

Speaking of which. I had a class trip to Philadelphia for a week. It was fun. My shits were pretty massive the whole time, possibly because of the giant free breakfast offered by the hotel every day coupled with easy access to delicious cheesesteaks. But I had to share a room with class mates so the click of the camera phone would be a little conspicuous. Sorry.

This is not the restart of regular blogging though, I'll still only be doing it once in a while, but I thought I'd check in and let you all know what's happening. 

Dead Batteries

I've been feeling really low energy lately. Just don't feel much like doing anything, including p90x, although I have been doing that.

It's been tough though, especially to get through the really unpleasant workout like plyometrics and yoga. Even legs and back is too much for me. And this is supposed to be my last week. I'm starting my last recovery week today, but I don't know if I'm going to actually do any of it. I feel kind of lazy.

It's my diet, I know. I don't eat well, I don't even think about what I put in my mouth most of the time. Lately there's been not a LOT of coke, but more coffee. Eggs, ham, cheese, and then snacks here and there. Lots of granola bars, that sort of thing.

I have to say though, even if I haven't been following the diet very well p90x has made a huge difference in my body. My arms look pretty serious and my abs are honestly a little washboard like. I put on a tight white tank top of my girlfriend's yesterday and finally saw my physique without all that body hair in the way. I'm impressed! Still really slender of course, leaner than I'd like to be, but definitely in the ball park I've been working towards, which is VERY encouraging. I was actually feeling like my results weren't much, but I can't really SEE anything through my bodyhair. It's funny.

Bathurst Beef Patties

We haven't been eating so well since getting back from Montreal. I haven't been at home, my girlfriend has been off work (so we prefer to spend our time together) and neither of us has felt much like buying groceries.

We did however pick up a half-dozen spicy beef patties from the bakery in Bathurst station on Monday, and then we got another half dozen today. That's good news for you folks, not such good news for the beaches here in Toronto. Sorry.

In other news my girlfriend has decided to start P90X, which is very exciting! She looks great if you ask me, I love her to death but she isn't always so confident about her body, so hopefully this will help. I got her a couple of weights a couple weeks ago and today we picked up a chin-up bar. She can't do a chin-up without a chair yet but she will eventually. I'm excited for her!

Big n' chunky

Not what I expected!

Headed over to the girlfriend's this morning to do some laundry and some Yoga X, but decided to have a coffee while I tried to get through an overdue library book. Half way through the coffee I felt the poo brewing. I really didn't think it was going to be a nice one, and perhaps stupidly I decided to hold onto it until I finished the coffee.

I tried to make myself comfortable, tried not to fart too much (just in case my fart came out a, a poo). Even when it was time, when it was coming out, it didn't feel that good, but damn, look at those shits! Thick, dark and pretty solid if I say so myself. I know a lot of people have been concerned about the quality of my poos, so here's one I hope you're happy to see.

TermPOOnator 2: Judgement Poo

This morning (girlfriend's house)


This afternoon (at school)

Don't have much to report except that last night I was forced to tell my girlfriend about this blog. She was... I don't know what to say. She thought it was funny, but she was concerned that I had kept it a secret from her. She wanted to know what else I was hiding from her. The logic being, If I could hide this from her I could hide other stuff. Sigh.

Anyway, it all started because I was trying to transfer my p90x videos from my computer to her computer. The best thing we could think of was to use the infrared deal on her phone, but that was taking forever and my girlfriend happened to notice a folder titled "Poos" on my desktop. So why have a folder related to a secret project on my desktop? Because I wasn't really keeping it a secret anyway. I just hadn't told her about it yet. I didn't want to jinx it, or tell her about it and then it's something she can say, "so how's the poo blog doing?" and I have to acknowledge that I haven't posted in a long time or something and then I get depressed. You know what I mean?

We sorted it out, it was fine. She was a little concerned about the quality of my poos, all I could do was shrug. Later in the evening she took a poo and decided to let me see it!! Holy SHIT! It was literally as thick as my forearm, dark with the texture of a PowerBar, and straight and rigid looking. I honestly have no idea how it came out of her ass. She'd always told me she had big poos, but I just thought she meant LOTS of poo, not actually really large logs. Crazy!

She will not, however, be posting photos of her poo on this blog. Sorry to say.

(poo) Wanted, starring Angelina Poolie

hmm, didn't poo yesterday, or saturday. Pooed on friday night, but it was at the girlfriend's, so no picture.

Ate little bits and pieces of things all weekend. Really just snacks here and there. Some pita and hummus, some macaroni salad, some coleslaw, etc. A couple of beers, no coke.

Went to Sneaky Dee's last night to see The Word Burglar (white halifax hip hop) but didn't even have a drink.

Today is the first day of Phase III of p90x for me and except for tomorrow, man I'm going at it full throttle! We went to see Wanted yesterday and it was amazing. I know I can never do what is done in that movie, when when I workout, when I finish a p90x workout I feel more powerful, more in control and just plain stronger. Plus, near the end when the main guy is in the apartment and he's wet with his shirt off, he looks amazing.

Also saw Jumper this weekend. It was fun, very light. Reminded me of The Butterfly Effect in tone and spirit. Anyway, my girlfriend said my arms are bigger than Hayden Christensen's, and that would be all because of p90x. I know he isn't much to compare myself against, but still, it's a bit of encouragement.

Landslide!

Look out!!

It's like a little avalanche of poo.

I was up very early this morning, 5am, to do my p90x workout, but it was yoga, I wasn't feeling very flexible or energetic and something in my left ankle/foot kept twinging on me so I only did about half. But then I went on a nice long bike ride along the shoreline, almost to Etobicoke. I did a little reading, ate an apple, drank some water and was back before 8:30. It was nice and I had a nice poo before getting into the shower.

Just another poo

Sigh.

It's not that I'm becoming disinterested in this blog, it's that I'm afraid I don't have much to offer. Yes, today I pooed. This is what the poo looked like. Ta daa.

Last night I ate left over turkey curry with rice, had one beer earlier in the afternoon. Drank a little less than a litre of water while sitting in the park (but definitely more than a litre over the course of the day), started my p90x workout but stopped before the end of the warm up.

Today I have to do some grocery shopping. I have to make sure I eat better and more often if I'm going to have the energy to finish up p90x right. Phase III starts next week and I REALLY want to kick it's ass and finish on a high note.

I'm considering putting all these poos onto a cd and leaving copies of the cd in various bathrooms around the city. I think I need at least a hundred though, so I'm not ready yet. Plus I should watermark each of the images with the address of this blog. That sounds tedious. Is there a quick and easy way to just make photoshop do that to a bunch of selected pictures?

Happy Birthday poo

It's my birthday tomorrow, but I'm celebrating a little bit early by skipping my p90x workout for the day. I'll do it next week, during my recovery week. That's right, Phase II is done! Pretty exciting! I really need to get more strict about my diet though, I've been having pizza and lots and lots of cheese, eggs, bread, etc, etc. This weekend won't be good for much either since it's my birthday.

Tonight my girlfriend is taking me to Beer Bistro on King at Yonge. Looks like a very classy, very carnivorous place, with hundreds of beers to choose from. Each menu item (including desserts) is paired with a beer, so I'm looking forward to it. I will definitely pig out. And tomorrow I'm having a couple of friends over to play some Wii and eat pizza, drink some beer, some wine, and so on. Not a party exactly, just easy going good times. I should have a good poo to show for it afterwards too, so look out for that!

Exclamation!

So I got up at 5, got dressed, ate some mini-wheats and left my girlfriend's apartment with the intention of coming home, doing today's p90x workout, eating some more breakfast and having my day get off to a strong start before 9am.

I didn't feel all that tired. I felt pretty good considering the recipe I made for dinner last night called for a 1/4 glass of white wine, so I drank the rest of it. I got home and had Poo #1 up there at the top. Not much of a poo. I thought there'd be a lot more but even that little bit was hard to get out.

I sat down at my computer and had a look at what the day's workout had in store for me and decided to have a nap. After an hour though I still didn't feel up to it. I guess I was in fact hung over a little. tch tch. So I slept some more, until about 9:15 or so I guess. Feeling much better I got up and guess what! Another poo (#2)! Much more satisfying, the kind of poo I want to have when I'm hung over. Cleansing, you know?

So now I'm feeling much better, but it's too late in the morning to work out, so I'm doing more productive things and will work out in the afternoon.

P.S.: I made Gordon Ramsay's Baked Chicken in a zucchini, eggplant and tomato ragout and it was REALLY GOOD. Just about the best chicken I've ever made. I highly recommend picking up "Fast Food", great recipes and nice design too!

ipood touch

Perhaps a blatant marketing ploy. All I really have to report is that I was up at 5 this morning. Worked out, had a poo (picture left), and continued the long process of transferring all my cds onto my computer so that I won't have to do it when or if I eventually get an ipod.

Meanwhile, someone started a thread on stillepost.ca for p90x updates. So if you're looking for the same level of absurdity coupled with p90x, that's where you'll find it. Also it proves that p90x is now in the popular culture, ranking somewhere between the movie Underworld and The Magic Bullet home appliance. Way to go P90X! You've earned the ironic appreciation and hipster scorn you're been working towards! If you really want to take it further you'll start advertising on American Gladiators.

LAZY90X

Yeah I've been slacking off a bit too much. I had stuff to do on Friday, or I just didn't want to bother to leave my girlfriend's place and come back to my place. Anyway, the thing is I haven't done a p90x workout since wednesday. That's not good. I missed Yoga, Legs and Back, Kenpo and Stretch.

It would be difficult to cram all that into TODAY. But what I'm going to try is to do Yoga right after I post this, and then later this afternoon I'll do today's workout. Tomorrow morning I'll do Legs and Back from last week and then later tomorrow I'll do tomorrow's workout. I'm already exhausted thinking about it. I don't know. Maybe I'll just have lunch, let it settle and just do today's workout. But I REALLY want to work on my legs more. Grr, I'm stupid. And all of this takes up a lot of time. Each workout is about an hour long and Yoga is an hour and a half! It's already noon! Fuck. I have to start getting up early again. it's the only way.

Meanwhile, here's a poo I had this morning. It came out easy, I can barely remember it.

Back on Track

Okay, so the poo is looking a little better today. I bought a bunch of good groceries the other day, got back on the p90x horse after skipping a couple of days and I'm all hardcore and stuff again.

Spent yesterday helping my dad launch his boat then wandered around downtown oshawa for a bit. Lots of sketchy folks down there but also... I don't know, I kind of love downtown oshawa. Of course, I also blog about my poo. shrug.

Had some tacos from that bright yellow place that makes its own tortillas with a shiny chrome machine (can remember or find the name of it anywhere but I seem to remember it being reviewed somewhere recently) in Kensington and they were pretty good. Really basic, rather cheap, quite tasty, and I didn't get the runs. Definitely better than Taco Bell, obviously. And you can buy a kilo of their taco tortillas for $3.00

Pooin' at the 'rents' Day Two

So it was my niece's 5th birthday part today. 20, dirty, clumsy, ugly Oshawa kids running around a small backyard with their dirty, ugly, stupid parents completely ignoring them. Not COMPLETELY ignoring, but you know, not really interested in anything they're doing.

Lunch was hot dogs, of course, and coke. Man, I drank a lot of coke today. Only one beer, but probably about 6 cans of coke. I don't feel too bad about it really, but I'm sure I will.

It's strange though, coke doesn't seem to have much of an impact on my system when I'm at my parent's house. Don't know what that's about.

Smoked salmon turned into grilled salmon and grilled squash for dinner tonight. While the smoker was heating up the flame blew out, so it would have been an extra hour or more before it would be ready. We were all too hungry. As it was, it was delicious, so I couldn't complain, but my roommate really likes smoked salmon so I was hoping I could report back to her on the quality of home-smoked salmon.

As for p90x I didn't do my Kenpo X today. I woke up really fucking tired this morning and have stayed up too late tonight. I probably won't do X Stretch tomorrow either. Although what I should do is cram the whole week's worth of workout into the next two days while I'm in a home with air conditioning. How are you supposed to work out when it's 40 degrees?

Kibbles and Bits and Cottage Cheese

Don't these two look like dog food and cottage cheese, respectively?

I haven't been having a good week. I haven't been eating very well, I actually flushed a poo without taking a picture by accident the other day AND I've been a little depressed about being a loser lately. The result: Shits like the above two, both in the same day. And I had another soupy one last night but my girlfriend was around so I didn't photograph it. Sorry.

I still don't have a job. I'm running out of money. My girlfriend says she'll loan me my rent, but what guy wants his girlfriend to do that?! I'm a bum, a dead beat, a loser, etc.

On the bright side, this week marks the start of Phase II of my P90X. I'm quite impressed with myself for making it this far. The sad truth though is that I probably wouldn't have made it this far if I had a job. How depressing is that.

Plus the weather has been fucking awful lately. We had a couple of good sunny days this week, but it rained last weekend and it's really weird out right now. It was supposed to be 30 celsius, feels like 40, but instead it's 17! I don't know who fucked that up, and it feels like it's going to rain any second, but it hasn't yet. Story of my life.

Yeah, the whole idea of "eating well", like even marginally following the p90x nutrition guide has been completely ignore the last two to three weeks. Not COMPLETELY ignored, but in the past week or two I've had a few beers, a pound of wings, half a large pizza, about 4 litres of coke, ice cream, candy, etc, etc, etc. I wouldn't have taken notice at all two or three months ago, but now I'm all "ugh, that's unhealthy, blah blah blah". Probably has a lot to do with my mood eh?

Yoga X today was brutal. I felt like a whiny baby. I started off fine but by half way through I was just pissed off by everything. Couldn't even appreciate the stretching feeling.

Life sucks. but I guess it'll only get better.

hmm, thought there was more up there...

Been feeling it in there all morning but never felt it enough to want to push it out, so I just went about my business. Did some YogaX, ate some lunch, got some groceries, came home, put the food away and suddenly really needed to poo.

I thought there'd be more than what came out though. That's a close-up shot, so don't be confused. It looks big, but it's not really. I guess it might be kind of thick, and pretty dense, but there wasn't much.

I'm back on the p90x after a 1 week break. I'd stopped just before the recovery week and since it was the Victoria Day long weekend it was kind of difficult to get up early, or find any time to work out from friday to monday. Then on tuesday I had that interview and was in a state of suspended animation until friday when they rejected me for the position. My girlfriend says it's a good thing because it wasn't in my field anyway, but I'd still rather have SOMETHING to do.

So now I'm back on it, and I'm going to make a schedule for myself, so I can do p90x, and stuff that's actually productive. If I'm not going to work I'm certainly not going to be a bum!

It's a little poo!

All that work and this was the best I could do this morning. Unbelievable! Squeeze, squeeze, nothing.

I did the p90x yoga today. Wonder if that had anything to do with it. Actually as I was pushing I was admiring my abs and thinking what a great help these ab exercises have been for my pooing. Then again, maybe not.

I just got a call for an interview for monday, so that's exciting. It's not exactly in my field but it's something and it's not free work, so that's good. I hope I get it. It's at Yonge and Lawrence which could mean a lot more reading to get done on the subway or some seriously thick thighs by the end of the summer from cycling up there every day. I think I'll try to ride up there at least once a week. Maybe I'll do a test run today. It occurs to me that Monday is a holiday however. Strange. Maybe lawyers don't take holidays? It doesn't matter much to me anyway, every day is a holiday until I start working.

Tales of UnemPOOment

Yeah, I'm starting to get a little depressed about the job hunt. I've had no response from anyone I've sent my resume to, except to say that they've already hired their group of students for the summer.

My girlfriend suggested I try a different approach which is to offer up free labour, so I sent out a new batch of resumes today with that suggestion attached. One consultant has already gotten back to me to say that he only hires senior planners. At least he replied.

This poo came out as soon as I got home from my girlfriend's place this morning. It was a simple affair but as you can see not as robust or continuous as other recent defecations. I don't know what that's really about. I've actually had a lot of gas since squeezing this one out and I've been a little nervous about pooping myself a couple of times when I've farted. The worst was while doing my p90x workout of the day, Ab Ripper X calls for a lot of abdominal flexing as you can imagine and I was sure my next "heels to the heavens" pulse up was going to land me with a load in my shorts. Luckily I finished clean (although fairly sweaty).

Oh yeah!

Here we go! This is why we're here isn't it?! One nice, long, thick cable to brag about! Yes!

Last night I cooked for my girlfriend and myself. It was the Sticky Lemon Chicken with Champ recipe from Gordon Ramsay's Fast Food book. It was really good and quite simple to make. Didn't cost much either. I think next time I'll slice up the chicken a bit thinner, or maybe even cut into it so that some of the flavour makes its way inside the meat, but yeah, it was pretty darn good.

I'm into the final week of Phase One of p90x, and I'm pretty excited to be done with some of the workouts. I realize the workouts coming up in Phase Two will be at least as tough but I'm just getting tired of some of the banter of the videos. It'll be nice to change it up some.

So I'm still looking for work. I think it's going to come down to me calling up offices and asking if I can work for them on a volunteer basis, for free. I'm not sure exactly how to do that, or if it is done, but I can't let this be another Lost Summer. Wish me luck!

Disconcerting

First poo in a little while for me. Not sure what's going on. Probably just a little stressed or tense. Maybe not enough fibre in this p90x diet, I don't know.

Nice double helix on this bunch of poo though eh? Kind of looks like some DNA or one of those twisty donuts.

I'm a little concerned about the advertising on this blog. I've got it set up with adsense, but I'm not getting anything. Sometimes there are ads, sometimes there aren't, sometimes they're charity ads. I was really hoping to see ads for exlax or fibre supplements. I thought talking about my p90x experience would help generate ads for p90x, I thought talking about being a fan of Gordon Ramsay would generate Gordon Ramsay ads, but I guess high rollers like Fox and the Food Network don't need to advertise with Google. It's a little disappointing that's all.

Also I'm not getting any readers. Not sure how to promote this thing. Can't seem to find any similar forums or other blogs where readers might be interested in this sort of thing. Shit.