A poo of great regret

Not really.

I've had some awful shits the last few days. Shits that weren't really worth writing about or taking a picture of, just unpleasant to deal with. I had a very explosive coffee shit the other day, sprayed all over the back of the bowl like some kind of monster.

I've had some tough ones too, hard to get out, not too flexible, but I didn't really know what I could say about it, and I was at the girlfriend's so I forgot to bring my camera in with me. Sorry folks.

In other news I finally got my hands on a reasonably priced copy of Season 1 & 2 of Homicide: Life on the Street! I'd seen it in stores before but it was usually $80, and although it's the first two seasons there are actually fewer disks than the other seasons I have. I now have 1 through 7, which is pretty much as far as I want to go with Homicide. I think it goes up to 9, but at that point they were under so much pressure from the network to compete with Nash Bridges that the elements that made the early episodes so good started to take a backseat. I also didn't like most of the new characters.

And now there's The Wire, which I only just saw two episodes of last night. A couple of friends of mine are crazy about this show, and since it's from David Simon, who wrote the book and a bunch of episodes for Homicide you know it's good.

In poo news, well I don't know what to tell you. This one was ready to go last night but I didn't really feel like sitting down so I left it until this morning. You'd think it would have been bigger given the circumstance, but who knows. My bowels are a mystery.

Ah HA! Poo on you!!

So early in this blog I got a lot of comments about how unhealthy my shits looked. A lot of people said things like, "ugh, those poos look so soft!" or "What's with the pale colour? That can't be healthy!" etc, etc.

Well look at me now!!

I was shocked by this shit. It felt stiff coming out but when I sat up to look at it I was surprised by just how firm it appeared. Look at it! Click on the image and get the full size and look at it! Their like two wooden sticks man!

But guess what! In all the time that I've been making this blog the past two days were probably two of my worst days nutritionally. Tonight I ate two Whoppers from burger king because I got a 2-for-1 coupon. In the afternoon I drank a coffee. For lunch I had a slice of pizza and a bottle of coke. Breakfast was a big fat cinnamon roll. Last night I ate two Whoppers for dinner (there were a few coupons). Lunch yesterday was soup, and I drank coffee. Sunday I ate half a bag of chips for breakfast and followed that up with a bottle of coke and a king-sized twix for brunch.

Does that sound like a healthy diet? No? So how could it possibly produce such a "healthy-looking" shit? It couldn't possibly. The only conclusion that I can draw is that the people who poo-pooed my shits simply saw shits that were different from their own and judged them to be unhealthy, or "wrong". This happens so often in life. It's where racism comes from.

a word on administration

I'm quite proud of something. When I started this I devised a numbering system for my images. Yesterday's poo was called 090131.jpg and today's is 090201.jpg See how smart that is? In my file folder february 1 comes after january 1, and everything in '08 comes before that. People don't always think of that when they name things. They'd just call them January3109 and Feb109 or something like that. That won't help at all in the future when you have to go back and find a poo from a particular day and year. Naming the files like that could confuse you into thinking Feb108 is the right one. Well it wouldn't be.

I can't wait til my first anniversary. I might start some way of comparing poos from different years.

End of January

I wish I had the conviction to celebrate new years at the end of January instead of the beginning. I'm the sort of person who doesn't like to count his chicks until their hatched, you know? So the idea of celebrating a new year (president, coalition, whatever) before you even know how it's going to go seems a bit premature.  Obama's speech could have been terrible (actually it might have been, I missed it and haven't watched/read it since) and everybody could have lost all that hope and stuff.

A new year is like a new poo. You might have some idea of how it's going to go but you can't say for sure until you get out that first log/kibble/splash/whatever.

Tight hole poo

I had raisin bran and orange juice for breakfast and when i arrived at school I ate a granola bar and drank some coffee. I think the coffee did it. I didn't feel much like going immediately but shortly after there was an urgent need. It squeezed out like soft serve, but through a tighter hole. mine.

Doubles!

8:14am

8:26am

Well, you probably realized that the last few days have been a recap. I kept pooing for sure, but not posting, and again, I apologize for that, but if you haven't been reading along all this time and instead been reading back-posts you probably never noticed, only noticed the lack of content.

Sadly, even these two poos occured a couple days ago and I can not longer recall the circumstances of their production. What you might notice, and this does ring a bell for me, is the time between poos. 12 minutes. It's never nice to poo and not feel fully evacuated. And on this day, a friday, I would be working a field placement all day, and I'm not big on pooing at places of work. You know, just in case. I certainly wouldn't want to get caught. So after I pooed the first time and did not feel fully evacuated I had to make sure I pushed out every little bit. And I'm glad I did.

Headline Poos

More crooks hurtling feces through the air. Amazing.

http://lohud.com/article/20090124/NEWS02/901240346/-1/SPORTS

Sex offender charged with robbery, accused of kicking feces at cops

BY REBECCA BAKER
THE JOURNAL NEWS • JANUARY 24, 2009

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GREENBURGH - Cops have to deal with a lot of crap on the job, but this was a little too much.

Greenburgh police said an ex-convict from Sleepy Hollow lost control while being arrested in the robbery of his ex-girlfriend, going so far as to kick feces at officers who took him to the hospital for treatment.

Eugene Feeney, a 39-year-old registered sex offender, now faces criminal charges that could send him back to prison for up to 15 years.

The sordid ordeal began at 9 p.m. Thursday, police Lt. Christopher McNerney said, when a passing motorist reported a man and woman fighting at an automated teller machine at 1150 Knollwood Road.

Officers said they found Feeney grabbing a 37-year-old woman by her arms and the back of her neck. The woman, his ex-girlfriend, told police that Feeney forced her to the ATM and made her take out $100, McNerney said.

Feeney struggled with the arresting officers and started kicking his legs in the back of the police cruiser so violently that he almost broke out a rear window, police said. Police used a handheld Taser gun to subdue Feeney and brought him to Westchester Medical Center for treatment, McNerney said.

While in the emergency room, he defecated, and a small plastic bag containing marijuana emerged, police said. He then began kicking the feces at police and nurses at the hospital, McNerney said.

Police brought him back to headquarters and booked him in his soiled clothes. "We had to decontaminate the whole cell," McNerney said.

Feeney was charged with second-degree robbery and second-degree assault, both felonies; unlawful imprisonment, a misdemeanor; and unlawful possession of marijuana, a violation. He was arraigned yesterday in Greenburgh Town Court and held without bail at Westchester County jail.

Feeney is not a stranger to Greenburgh police. He was arrested there in 2004, accused of rape, and later pleaded guilty to a felony charge of criminal sexual act, McNerney said. Feeney served more than three years in prison and was discharged Dec. 5.

No poop (actually there is, but read this news story)

Edmonton reverend is fed up with public poop (and drug dealers, alcoholics, etc).

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/edmonton/story/2009/01/26/edm-signs-public-washrooms.html

Inner city needs more public washrooms: pastor

Last Updated: Monday, January 26, 2009 | 11:15 AM MT Comments12Recommend12

CBC News

Rev. James Holland hopes these signs will draw attention to the problem of public defecation in Edmonton's inner-city area. (Tim Adams/CBC)

Homeless people need a place to use the washroom, the pastor of an inner-city church says, and he is launching a sign campaign to send that message to Edmonton city council.

Rev. James Holland said he often finds human excrement on and around the grounds of his Sacred Heart Church of First Peoples in the McCauley neighborhood.

It's frustrating, but it's hard to blame people, he said. The only public washroom in the area isn't open in the winter.

"There is a tremendous need for people to have a place to go to the bathroom," he said.

Holland has cleaned up as much as five piles of human waste in one day, and last summer, he decided he had enough.

He put up large, professionally-made signs that read "No bodily functions", which featured a drawing of a squatting person with an "x" over it.

However, the city's parks department took the signs down, after someone complained about them being offensive.

Holland admits there is a bylaw against putting up signs without permission from the city, but there are also bylaws against public urination and defecation which are not being enforced, he said.

After some wrangling with city hall, Holland put his signs back up again. The city has now agreed to leave them there "until the community decides we don't have a need for them," he said.

Holland is now having signs made for people in the community who want them. He also has support from the McCauley Community League.

Holland said he is motivated by concerns about the health and safety of children who live in the area.

"It's certainly not healthy for our children to have broken glass and human waste laying around in the park," he said.

The city will look at the question of whether Edmonton should build more public washrooms on Tuesday.

A report prepared for council notes there are very few public washrooms in central Edmonton.

Vandalism, dirty washrooms, and the problem of facilities being used for drug use and prostitution have been identified as potential issues that will need to be dealt with.

Nothing but the Poos

I'm not a fan of poo that's outside of a toilet and today I went into the bathroom at school to pee and noticed a massive smear of shit all over one of the toilets and up against the wall. It must have been EXPLOSIVE. It was seriously sickening. I considered taking a picture for this blog but after a split second I realized my mandate is to document MY poos, not just anyone's shit.

In other news:

Mistrial after defendant smears feces on lawyer

The Associated Press

Posted: 01/28/2009 05:32:57 AM PST

SAN DIEGO—A San Diego home-invasion robbery trial abruptly ended when the defendant suddenly smeared feces on the face of his attorney and threw defecate at jurors.

Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Fraser declared a mistrial and hiked 37-year-old defendant Weusi McGowan's bail to $1 million pending a Feb. 9 hearing.

Prosecutor Christopher Lawson says McGowan was upset Monday because the judge refused to remove public defender Jeffrey Martin from the case.

McGowan had smuggled a plastic bag filled with feces into the courtroom and he spread it on Martin's hair and face before flinging the excrement toward jurors. No jurors were hit.

McGowan is charged with kidnapping for robbery, assault with a deadly weapon and other counts for an Oct. 17, 2007, home invasion assault.

Forever and Poo

I did not poo this weekend. Just wasn't a priority. So I left it until just now.

After "work" on Friday my girlfriend and I went out for dinner then back to her place where I did not poo. I kind of felt like I had to but it wasn't pressing.

The next day we had a lazy morning and then did a little shopping. I thought for sure I'd have to poo by the time we got back but there was only gas.

We made chili for dinner and had a nice warm bowl of it. We watched a movie and some tv but still. Nothing. 

Sunday was pretty lazy too, didn't eat too much until dinner time when I met with a friend at Sneaky Dee's and washed down some chicken wings with a couple pints of beer. Now it was just a matter of hours.

There still was no panic by the time I came back to my place. I calmly put away my things and turned on my computer, picked out a book and sat down on the toilet in the bathroom. and then: squeeeeeeeeze. ugh. squeeeeeeeeeze. ugh. etc.

It took a while, and it felt kind of thick. Wasn't a nice poo exactly, but it was needed.