A cuckold

I was at school and I felt like I had to poo a little so I headed for the accessibility bathroom. Something smelled a touch earthy in there when I went through the door. At first I thought it was just that someone had been in there before me, that I could handle, but as I approached the toilet I realized the smell wasn't from someone who had been there and left, but from something that was still there.

The toilet was full of toiletpaper with one giant shit sitting above the water grinning shamelessly at me.

I considered taking a photo, but decided that I didn't want to give any coverage to anbody else's shits on this blog. This blog is for my shit, not yours. 

So I waited until I got home and had a very nice poop indeed. Honestly the more poops I see (ratemypoo.com for instance) the more I feel that mine are not inferior, but more polite. They actually seem friendlier, nicer, know what I mean? I've gotten some criticism because they don't look robust enough, or "healthy", but like myself, my poos are comfortable in their own skin and don't feel the need to prove itself to anyone.

poo. it had to be poo.

Watched the Indiana Jones trilogy this weekend. I'd say all three stand up pretty well. For some reason everybody thinks Temple of Doom sucks or is the worst of the three but my girlfriend loves it the most (because she was once a small chinese child like Short Round) and after watching all three together you see that it really isn't any worse than the rest (and it's a lot better than Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls).

but that was the weekend and today is today.  After yesterdays long awaited shit I didn't poo again until today at 2:30pm. I was actually wondering when it might happen. I had class at 9 and after that drank a coffee and ate a slice of some kind of blueberry bread or something before going shopping for new office-like clothes. I was afraid I would have to poo in a mall bathroom, but it just didn't come! I stopped in at my girlfriend's place to drop some stuff off and pick some stuff up and I sat for a bit, but still, no poo! As soon as I got to my place though, POOP!

I peed, then I farted and thought I'd done a little more (I was still clean though) and then delivered this beautiful baby! all right!

Needs and Wants and poo

I did not poo yesterday. I did not feel the need. This disturbs my girlfriend. She is an incredibly regular person. She poos every morning at the same time, give or take a few minutes. Sometimes she poos while at work and sometimes she poos in the evening, but generally she makes her poo in the morning. Every morning. What I find disturbing about her poo is how quickly it comes out. She doesn't take much longer to poo than she does to pee, but to me that's ridiculous (although I have been known to take a few very long pisses). I, like many men, if not most, bring a book with me when I poo because there's a good chance that I'll be in there for a while. There are books I have read only while on the can. And not necessarily "bathroom reading" either.

 

Anyhow, I did not poo yesterday, but i pooed this morning, and it was good. I did it at school, in the accessibility bathroom in my program's building. What's funny is, I was going to poo than use one of the computers in the lab, but after I finished my poo I decided to go to a different lab. It's funny because I went to my program's building only to poo. I understand this is similar to what some of my classmates do on a daily basis. haw haw

Shit shave and shower.

Some floaters here. Well, they started off pretty bouyant, but by the time I was finished they'd sunk down.

So one of the things that I don't like about living with other people is the morning ritual. It turns out that I spend a lot of time in the bathroom in the morning. It's not that I spend a lot of time preening though, that's not really it. Here's how it goes:

I wake up, drink some water, sit on the toilet and move my bowels. I shower, I get out of the shower and I shave. I use a straight razor so shaving is not a quick and sloppy procedure. You can't rush a straight razor shave, so that takes a while. After breakfast I brush my teeth. I pee several times throughout the morning, just to get it all out.

Doesn't sound very complicated, and it's not, but I might take an hour to get through it all. My showers are definitely too long, and I'm working on that, but the rest of it is hard to quicken. My brother's routine, it seems, is to wake up, take a shit and then sit down with a coffee and some breakfast for a while, eventually showering. Too unpredictable! So I get up early. 

I basically have too options, get up early and shower and everything before my roommate, or get up late, after they've already left. That's what I used to do, but I don't have that luxury anymore.

All that being said I made this poo in the afternoon. I'm just thinking about my morning tomorrow. Think I'll get up at 5:30.

The Logdriver's Waltz

Some tasty floaters today.

More gassiness and unsure pooping lately. 

This one came along suddenly after a large coffee in the afternoon. 

In my program's building at school there's a handicap washroom which locks and is very private and nice. I love to shit there. It's particularly nice that it isn't supposedly a staff washroom, so I shouldn't have any official reason to not be there. Of course I do not have any special needs requiring a large bathroom all to myself, so if someone in a wheelchair were to knock on the door I'd feel bad, but that hasn't happened yet, so I'll continue to shit there as long as I can.

Poos and News

In the news, a Man sent poo through the mail, now he's being indicted. But first:

This poo must have been brewing for a while. Maybe I'm sick, I don't know, but the last few days my stomach hasn't taken much time off from rumbling and gurgling and I've been very gassy.

Well today I was at school in the computer lab and it eventually became apparent that I needed to poo so I headed off to the handicap washroom (single toilet, locking door, quite nice) to make my dump. It started with a spattering of shit and fluid like most of them have been lately. You can see at the bottom of the image a phlegmy looking item, but it isn't phlegm, it came out of my ass. I had always been under the impression that Santorum only resulted from anal sex, but this seems to be about the same kind of stuff as I've heard about. Who can say?

Anyhow, it was gross (as it usually is), but as has been the case in recent days this poo was not without complexity.

What started with a spattering of shit and fluids became a drip, drop, plop of cheesy-shaped shits that really turned my stomach. They resembled those dense, crunchy cheesies, not so much the cat poo-looking ones, and they were light, i guess, so they tended to dangle prior to the plunge. All I wanted was a good, satisfying SHIT, but instead I got a series of tiny, gassy, dangling bastard poops trotting out of my asshole like dawdling school children. Finally the last one made its way through and I sat comfortably as my innards resettled themselves and I wiggled my backside to prevent any danglers from following me off the toilet as I took the photo.

Now to our top story:

http://www.argusleader.com/article/20090108/NEWS/901080329/1001

A Sioux Falls man was indicted Tuesday in federal court for allegedly sending animal feces through the mail. Jeffrey Scott DeZeeuw, 45, is charged in U.S. District Court in Sioux Falls with mailing injurious articles. The indictment alleges that on July 21, DeZeeuw sent animal feces in a letter addressed to the Minnehaha County Clerk of Courts.

and:

C-Monster says no to art involving bodily fluids.

http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/art/archives/158917.asp?from=blog_last3

With commentary by another blogger.

Been caught pooing, once, when I was five!

9:24am

10:42am

Oh I've been GASSY! Last night was pretty terrible. It's a good thing my girlfriend loves me so much because I was farting up a storm! She was farting quite a bit too, but I couldn't stop. the trouble was though, I didn't feel much like taking a shit. It didn't feel that urgent, so I didn't bother. I was afraid if I went and sat on the toilet it would just be more gas anyway, so I left it until this morning.

The first poo came out in an explosion of gas and shit spatter you can see some of the flecks. It wasn't really painful but it was kind of unpleasant. It was short however. Much shorter than I thought it would be. Turned out I wasn't finished.

About an hour later came a very urgent call from nature. call of nature. whatever. I sat down and it just oozed out of me. you can't see too well because this poo was actually layered. First was the soft shifts, almost like beer shits but with more cohesion. Like soft serve ice cream I guess. That layer nearly peaked out of the water, which is never very nice. I guess I should have taken a shot then, sorry. Next came little gassy sputters much like the first poo there. Soon it became apparent that this was just the break between courses. Finally the third layer of shit came in relatively uniform clumps as you can see. This must have been from the curry we made last night. Lots of veggies and spices and stuff. it was pretty good.

Isn't it great to think about your food like this? It's really just pre-shit! Delicious!!

Speaking of food, I found a No Frills grocery store near my brother's place and I'm almost positive it's closer than Dufferin Mall, which is great because I HATE that No Frills (too small and crowded). The worrisome part about this No Frills however is that it's right next to an LCBO and a Blockbuster. But I'll just have to be strong and resist the temptation to skip school to drink and play videogames.

Oh man, I wish you could hear the noises my guts are making right now! Holy Shit! I think there could be a good one for you tonight!

Betwixt two Poos

This is a lovely image isn't it? I have to say I'm very impressed with the amount of light available in the bathroom of my brother's house. Even if the fixture shows up in the water it's a small price to pay for such a glorious shot of shit. My girlfriend's bathroom is terribly dark. I have to stand in the shadow of the only light in order to even take the picture (that's why those ones are so grainy).

So school starts up again this week and I'm looking forward to it. I may have mentioned that I'll be doing an exciting field placement, plus there's a client-based studio involving actually non-teacher people. I intend to destroy all my classmates over the course of this semester, securing my position once and for all as The Greatest.

Brothers in Poo

So I'm living with my brother now. I guess that actually sounds more pathetic than I think it really is. He has a spare room in his house and lives alone since he separated from his wife. So I'm here to help pay the mortgage. It's less money than what I was paying before but it isn't as nice a neighbourhood. Before I was living in Little Italy in Toronto, now... I don't know what to call this neighbourhood. 

There's a converted warehouse building down the street that's full of artists (I actually took part in a performance there once), and some middle-high end grocery stores around the corner, but the local businesses are pretty shabby and there isn't really anything interesting to walk to I don't think. Cycling around here is pretty challenging. It's a little further north in the city than I'm used to and there are a lot of hills. Casa Loma is near by, and I think I'll become more familiar with St. Clair West and Eglinton West in the coming years.

The bathroom is small (though it does have a tub), and there isn't much leg room in front of the toilet, but that's okay. There are actually two bathrooms in the house, one upstairs right next to my bedroom and another in the basement, which is convenient because I've set up my "office" down here for doing school work and whatnot.

Happy Poo Year!!

1:47am

6:48pm

I am actually writing this post from The Future, specifically January 4th, 2009 and I cannot recall the circumstances of each poo as they appear here. I apologize. In the future I will take care to make notes. What I will say is that these poos were made between the dates of December 22nd, 2008 and January 3rd, 2009.

Happy New Year folks! Feelin' fine in 2009! Things should be pretty exciting this year. I betcha I get a job this summer! I've got a pretty sweet placement through my school this semester and my schedule looks like it'll be pretty open for all my extra stuff.