Did it come out SIDEWAYS?

This poo really excited me. So much so that I called my girlfriend in to see it!

It was a standard poo on a regular day and I looked between my legs to check the progress of my shit. This is what I saw: A perfectly straight log that spanned the diameter of the toilet bowl. Amazing!

I didn't have my camera with me so I called my girlfriend to get it for me, and showed her the poo. She was horrified of course, but she knows about this plog and she knows how fascinated I am with my own poos, so she was encouraging. Neither of course could believe how straight it was. She focused on the thinness of the poo, but her's are often as thick as my wrist, and I'd rather not try to squeeze that out my ass.

Meanwhile: This plog has recently recieved a comment, on the post "Hard Poos and Hard Times". A reader is concerned that these kinds of thin, pencil-shaped poos are a sign of colorectal cancer. Could be, but I'm not exhibiting any of the other symptoms, so it seems unlikely. Although I really should eat more fibre, I agree. I feel that my pencil-poos are more related to the softness of my poo, combined with the tightness of my sphincter (which may be related to my psoriasis). I drink coffee, and coke, and eat junk food, etc, etc. It's not something I've tried very hard to change because I've always been thin. My ass seems to be pretty inelastic, possibly because of the psoriasis located on it. When I have a big robust poo it's usually really uncomfortable and painful and sometimes cracks my ass like a chapped lip. So I guess there's a bit of a disincentive to eat more fibre.

Anyhow, thanks for the concern. I feel fine. I just have skinny poos.

Liev Shreiber is a great actor, and scat fiend

He admitted it on Letterman just the other night. He said, ""I happen to love those things [feces] so I'm really enjoying it."

Read the full article here.

I'm actually really glad to hear this about him. I've always enjoyed his acting, and he's a handsome man, so the idea that he might stumble upon this blog in his down-time is pretty exciting.

Can't say he was too great in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but it was all right.

In other news my old Old Navy navy blue hoodie has been demoted from thing-I-wear-everyday to thing-I-only-wear-around-the-house. It's been a few years and there's a hole growing in the left elbow and the cuffs are coming apart. Oh well.

Pain in the ass indeed

Why does it have to be painful? I feel like a small child who doesn't understand that it can be painful to poo. In my search for similar blogs, some time ago, I came upon a post on a parenting forum in which a mother was upset because her child would not poo. It would not do it. It had a painful poo once and so decided it didn't want to do it anymore. Of course not pooing naturally leads to constipation and even greater pain. I'm not sure how old this kid was but it's hard not to be judgemental. I mean, this kid has to be stupid right?

Maybe not. Humans have this thing about denying their animal instincts, it's how we get ourselve to do all kinds of things. Maybe this kid is just ahead of the curve.

Anyway, this one was painful. It was preceded by a lot of gas, then a series of pushes that resulted in nothing, just the confirmation that something hard and thick was in there. ugh. I was trying to read too, so I was getting annoyed by the distraction of a poo that wouldn't plop. Finally I put down the book, Scud: The Disposable Assassin, The Whole Shebang, and concentrated. I pushed. I pushed hard, and I pushed past the pain. Finally it came out, thick and alone. Nothing else came after that. I let my ass rest a bit and hoped a little more might make its way out while I was there, but no, that was it.

Kind of looks like a cock doesn't it?

Oh! and Chuck Palahniuk is giving a reading here in Toronto tomorrow. It's $10 at the Isabel Bader theatre. I'd like to go, but I can't really spare $10, and for some reason I filtered out my copies of Fight Club and Rant when I moved and so they're sitting in a box in my parent's basement. Why would I do that, but over-burden myself with so much Douglas Coupland and Roald Dahl?

Also enjoyed the new Star Trek movie this weekend. I find the whole "so we're in an alternate timeline?" "Yes, whatever our lives would have been has now been changed" idea a little dubious. It's basically an excuse to NOT follow any of the canon. And what fan really want from a new series of Star Trek movies is to see some classic old episodes redone with today's energy and CG effects. Imagine the Gorn today, or Kirk vs. Spock? It even looks like the original pilot won't be recreated since Kirk takes control of the Enterprise right away and Pike has been "relieved". hmmm.

Hard poos and hard times

Been having these tough shits in the last couple of days. Tough, as in, I feel I have to shit, I sit down, there is gas, then the gas gets plugged up and rather than feel the shit squeeze it's way out my anus it just sort of pushes up against it, trying to stretch it open so it can get out. Robust is how I think I've characterized these shits in the past. Some of you might say these are healthier than my usual shits, but their painful man. Sometimes there's even a little blood on my toilet paper when I wipe. I don't want that!

Anyway, what I at least like about this picture is how you can see the urine not-quite-mixed with the water. There are some transparent ripples near the top of the log. I hope you appreciate that as well.

In other news: I'm feeling kind of depressed. School is over and I haven't started working yet. I don't know what to do with myself and I don't feel like doing anything. Looking for work depresses me even more and makes me feel useless. The weather has been nice, but I feel ashamed if I enjoy it because I should really be doing something productive. I had a job coming, I've put in an application and I have every reason to think that I'll get it, but it wouldn't start until June. My girlfriend is leaving her job at the end of next week, so it might be good to spend some time in the spring weather with her, being bums (that's kind of how our love grew in the first place, we were both out of work so we went to montreal for a few days).

What I've discovered (and I don't know why I didn't realize this last year) is that I really, REALLY need structure in my life. I mean, I desperately NEED it because otherwise I get depressed and really down on myself. So I've got to impose some structure on myself, at least for the next few weeks.

High Speed Shittin'!

This came flying out of my ass in less than 2 seconds. I swear to god. It wasn't until a few minutes later that I realized it was already over. I had a but more reading that I wanted to do so I snapped a picture just to show how much had come out at once, in case anything more came out after. Nothing else came out.

This wasn't even the result of coke, or coffee, or anything. I hadn't eaten anything this morning when it came out. Strange. I wonder if this is how my girlfriend's poos are?

She usually takes about a minute to shit; barely any longer than it takes her to urinate.