Did it come out SIDEWAYS?

This poo really excited me. So much so that I called my girlfriend in to see it!

It was a standard poo on a regular day and I looked between my legs to check the progress of my shit. This is what I saw: A perfectly straight log that spanned the diameter of the toilet bowl. Amazing!

I didn't have my camera with me so I called my girlfriend to get it for me, and showed her the poo. She was horrified of course, but she knows about this plog and she knows how fascinated I am with my own poos, so she was encouraging. Neither of course could believe how straight it was. She focused on the thinness of the poo, but her's are often as thick as my wrist, and I'd rather not try to squeeze that out my ass.

Meanwhile: This plog has recently recieved a comment, on the post "Hard Poos and Hard Times". A reader is concerned that these kinds of thin, pencil-shaped poos are a sign of colorectal cancer. Could be, but I'm not exhibiting any of the other symptoms, so it seems unlikely. Although I really should eat more fibre, I agree. I feel that my pencil-poos are more related to the softness of my poo, combined with the tightness of my sphincter (which may be related to my psoriasis). I drink coffee, and coke, and eat junk food, etc, etc. It's not something I've tried very hard to change because I've always been thin. My ass seems to be pretty inelastic, possibly because of the psoriasis located on it. When I have a big robust poo it's usually really uncomfortable and painful and sometimes cracks my ass like a chapped lip. So I guess there's a bit of a disincentive to eat more fibre.

Anyhow, thanks for the concern. I feel fine. I just have skinny poos.

Liev Shreiber is a great actor, and scat fiend

He admitted it on Letterman just the other night. He said, ""I happen to love those things [feces] so I'm really enjoying it."

Read the full article here.

I'm actually really glad to hear this about him. I've always enjoyed his acting, and he's a handsome man, so the idea that he might stumble upon this blog in his down-time is pretty exciting.

Can't say he was too great in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but it was all right.

In other news my old Old Navy navy blue hoodie has been demoted from thing-I-wear-everyday to thing-I-only-wear-around-the-house. It's been a few years and there's a hole growing in the left elbow and the cuffs are coming apart. Oh well.

Pain in the ass indeed

Why does it have to be painful? I feel like a small child who doesn't understand that it can be painful to poo. In my search for similar blogs, some time ago, I came upon a post on a parenting forum in which a mother was upset because her child would not poo. It would not do it. It had a painful poo once and so decided it didn't want to do it anymore. Of course not pooing naturally leads to constipation and even greater pain. I'm not sure how old this kid was but it's hard not to be judgemental. I mean, this kid has to be stupid right?

Maybe not. Humans have this thing about denying their animal instincts, it's how we get ourselve to do all kinds of things. Maybe this kid is just ahead of the curve.

Anyway, this one was painful. It was preceded by a lot of gas, then a series of pushes that resulted in nothing, just the confirmation that something hard and thick was in there. ugh. I was trying to read too, so I was getting annoyed by the distraction of a poo that wouldn't plop. Finally I put down the book, Scud: The Disposable Assassin, The Whole Shebang, and concentrated. I pushed. I pushed hard, and I pushed past the pain. Finally it came out, thick and alone. Nothing else came after that. I let my ass rest a bit and hoped a little more might make its way out while I was there, but no, that was it.

Kind of looks like a cock doesn't it?

Oh! and Chuck Palahniuk is giving a reading here in Toronto tomorrow. It's $10 at the Isabel Bader theatre. I'd like to go, but I can't really spare $10, and for some reason I filtered out my copies of Fight Club and Rant when I moved and so they're sitting in a box in my parent's basement. Why would I do that, but over-burden myself with so much Douglas Coupland and Roald Dahl?

Also enjoyed the new Star Trek movie this weekend. I find the whole "so we're in an alternate timeline?" "Yes, whatever our lives would have been has now been changed" idea a little dubious. It's basically an excuse to NOT follow any of the canon. And what fan really want from a new series of Star Trek movies is to see some classic old episodes redone with today's energy and CG effects. Imagine the Gorn today, or Kirk vs. Spock? It even looks like the original pilot won't be recreated since Kirk takes control of the Enterprise right away and Pike has been "relieved". hmmm.

Hard poos and hard times

Been having these tough shits in the last couple of days. Tough, as in, I feel I have to shit, I sit down, there is gas, then the gas gets plugged up and rather than feel the shit squeeze it's way out my anus it just sort of pushes up against it, trying to stretch it open so it can get out. Robust is how I think I've characterized these shits in the past. Some of you might say these are healthier than my usual shits, but their painful man. Sometimes there's even a little blood on my toilet paper when I wipe. I don't want that!

Anyway, what I at least like about this picture is how you can see the urine not-quite-mixed with the water. There are some transparent ripples near the top of the log. I hope you appreciate that as well.

In other news: I'm feeling kind of depressed. School is over and I haven't started working yet. I don't know what to do with myself and I don't feel like doing anything. Looking for work depresses me even more and makes me feel useless. The weather has been nice, but I feel ashamed if I enjoy it because I should really be doing something productive. I had a job coming, I've put in an application and I have every reason to think that I'll get it, but it wouldn't start until June. My girlfriend is leaving her job at the end of next week, so it might be good to spend some time in the spring weather with her, being bums (that's kind of how our love grew in the first place, we were both out of work so we went to montreal for a few days).

What I've discovered (and I don't know why I didn't realize this last year) is that I really, REALLY need structure in my life. I mean, I desperately NEED it because otherwise I get depressed and really down on myself. So I've got to impose some structure on myself, at least for the next few weeks.

High Speed Shittin'!

This came flying out of my ass in less than 2 seconds. I swear to god. It wasn't until a few minutes later that I realized it was already over. I had a but more reading that I wanted to do so I snapped a picture just to show how much had come out at once, in case anything more came out after. Nothing else came out.

This wasn't even the result of coke, or coffee, or anything. I hadn't eaten anything this morning when it came out. Strange. I wonder if this is how my girlfriend's poos are?

She usually takes about a minute to shit; barely any longer than it takes her to urinate.

Nice and easy beer shit

This poo started off with a single long cable, but after that things got pretty soft and yucky. After the exam yesterday I had a roast beef sandwich from home for lunch but didn't really eat anything else for the rest of the afternoon.

My friend was having a bbq at his house in the east end, but it wasn't until dinner time and I had nothing to do so I just headed out on my bike and rode out to the beaches for the afternoon. Ate a snickers and drank a can of coke.

At the bbq my friend made some amazing burgers and I had four beers (two of which were kind of big) so I was fairly drunky by the time I left. I slept really well, but a little too long this morning. So this was my morning beer shit even through it wasn't until almost 2. But as a beer shit it wasn't too bad. Slid out easy, which isn't always nice, but it was all right.

Big fat Poops!!

I don't usually have craps like this do I? I mean, you can just have a look in the archives if you don't believe me. That's a big fat poo over there. Firm, not squishy, not soupy. 

Have a close look and you'll even see the seeds and grains and things from the 12 Grain bread I've been eating lately. In fact, when I wiped there was a little dark seed on the toilet paper. Kind of gross. But I kind of like stuff like that. Don't ask why. I have no idea.

Oh yeah, notice the time on this one. 8:09am. I had an exam at 9 and I'd left the house way too early, so I was already at school when this guy came out. Which was good, because I wouldn't have wanted to have that pressing on me while I wrote the exam.

2 piles of poop -- Nice weather.

9:21am

4:58pm

Was a good day today. No exams, nothing to do until 12:30, so I slept in a bit, listening to the radio. Had a poo. Took my time in the bathroom. 

I rode downtown to pump my girlfriend's bike tires with air. They lost air over the winter but she doesn't have a pump of her own so I took care of it while she was at work. The weather was gorgeous today, although a little too warm. We bought me a new jacket on the weekend, but it was even too hot for that. Kind of disappointing. I wonder if I'll even have a chance to wear it.

Did a bit of studying at school before my meeting and drank some coffee after the meeting. That's when the second poo came. It was funny too because I was in the accessibility bathroom at school playing sodoku on my phone and taking a crap when my girlfriend called. So we had a nice little chat while she unlocked her bike and I squeeze them out. We have a strange relationship. Strange, except that it's so perfect.

Sore back, but not so much now.

My lower back was really killing me yesterday, and to a lesser extent the day before. I'm going to blame my studying habit. Lately what I've been doing is sitting cross legged on my bed, hunched over my books. Really awful position to be in. I may have also slept funny the other night, which probably really fucked things up.

This morning though I foke up feeling mostly fine. No obligations at all today so I'm just studying for my last exam which is tomorrow. I should do pretty well, but I'm getting frustrated going through the materials. The course is supposed to be about How, but it's really just been What Is, if you know what I mean. I won't go into it.

Ate a peanut butter sandwich for lunch yesterday, drank a bunch of coffee and ate a roast beef sandwich. Didn't result in much this morning but I expect there'll be more later today. I probably won't blog it unless it's exceptional though.

My civilian alterego is now on twitter, which is interesting, but not as revolutionary as everyone seems to think. I'll probably have some thoughts on the subject, but it'll be too much trouble for me to update on there as well as on here. So you're just going to have to keep checking here for updates. Sorry folks.

A little coke'll do ya

Yesterday was special in terms of food. I had an apple for breakfast, a little apple apparently from New Zealand, which was pretty good, but I might have preferred a McIntosh if at all possible. Oh well.

My girlfriend and I went out for a walk along Bloor St from the Annex to Yorkville in the beautiful weather. it was wonderful and we had lunch at one of our favourite places Okonomi House on Charles street. I got the bacon Okonomi Yaki, which tasted exactly as you'd expect it too. This was bacon meal number 2 for the past two days. The night before we had hamburgers and I put four slices of bacon on mine. It was fantastic.

So after Okonomi House we walkd back home and I cooked up a rack of Our Compliments ribs (which are always tasty) and roasted a couple of cubed and seasoned potatoes which turned out great. My girlfriend made herself a burrito/fajita thing that she makes now and then. it was leftovers, not enough for me. And apparently there wasn't enough of my meal for her, because I ate the whole damn thing.

She got one rib out of the rack and a handful of potatoes. I ate the rest. And some chips. And drank water (haven't been consuming enough water these past couple of months. Too much coffee instead).

So last night I felt there was a fair amount of shit up in me but I didn't feel like going. I didn't poo in the morning either, but i was gassy. I guess with all that meat I might have been a bit constipated. I guess I still am, because the only poo I've pooed today is what you see at the top of this post, and you know how that came about?

Well, when I came home to study today I bought a bottle of coke on the way. After my first sip I felt the need, and that's what came out. It felt like more at the time, but looking at it now, it's not much is it?

Hey, if anyone cares to, feel free to email me which of my poos is your favourite. I'll see about doing a photomosaic of all my poos so that they make the image of your favourite poo. I might need a few more still for it to work.

Shit shits on floor, teacher sends him home with it.

Father: Son, Age 5, Sent Home With Bag Of Feces In Backpack

Pretty amazing piece of work by a kindergarten teachers who's had it up to here with kids shitting in his classroom.

Another poo ball?!

I was totally unaware of this possibility until I started seeing it in my own toilet. 

I guess what must happen is that in some cases the poo is slightly bouyant and as I add to the pile it rotates in the water and a new side of the pile gets added to it and it rotates some more.

Another key element would have to be the softness, or stickiness of the shit. If it wasn't sticky it wouldn't stick, obviously, and couldn't possibly form into a ball.

Now, this is only the second instance in my entire life that I've notice my shit form into a ball like this. I will definitely be keeping my eyes open for that and will try to notice it in the process.

If your lucky, maybe I'll be able to take a series of photos to document. Won't you be excited to see that?

Not more than a stain

I had some rather unpleasant toilet experiences today. Not sure what the deal was, but it worked itself out.

Earlier in the day, before this one, I was at school after an exam and I was drinking coffee. I felt like I would probably have to poo at some point, but there wasn't anything urgent about it.

I made a phone call and before I went back into the computer lab it hit me.

Unfortunately someone else decided they needed to pee right after and for some reason I went into the common bathroom rather than the private accessibility bathroom. So stupid. So I sat and had trouble preventing myself from farting these horrible spluttering farts, and i didn't know who the other guy was. It easily could have been a friend of mine who I would rather did not hear me shit these horrible little spluttering shits. It was horrible.

In the end the other fellow left and I squeeze what I could out of my body but it still wasn't anything.

When I came home to my girlfriend's place I sat down to poo for real and there was already a little toilet paper in there. Good thing otherwise there wouldn't be a photo here would there? Good thing for you eh?!

So all that came out was a horrible spattering of shit goo. Fucking gross. This is seriously one of the only genuinely disgusting photos on this blog if you ask me.

Sorry.

Another pile of sticks

You know, it happens now and then. Look how uniform they are, and yet each slightly different.

I guess it's because they're just natural shits.

Veggie burgers

Have you had President's Choice World's Best Meatless Burgers?

They're great. And I eat meat. I eat meat, but I love these burgers. They're basically all I've eaten in the past three days.

Well, that and all dressed chips. and coke. I've been drinking coke all the while.

The reason is that I'm studying. Studying for exams. I have two exams, and they're spaced apart nicely, but the first one is going to be a real ball buster. So I've gone simple for dinner and lunches all week. This week it's been the World's Best Meatless Burgers, with mozzerella cheese.

Wish me luck.

Oh yeah, pile it up. Shit yeah.

Haven't been active much lately. Sorry about that. Like I've said before, it's not that I haven't been pooing, it's just that the poos haven't been too exciting.

That and I've been incredibly busy with school, and highly stressed. Not angry-stressed, really, but just intense with busy-ness.

What's amazing is that my poos haven't been necessarily all that stressed seeming. I've been drinking a lot of coffee, so that seems to soften things up a bit, and I haven't been eating so well, so I guess that doesn't really help much, but just look at that one there.

Okay, I know a lot of you don't like poos like that. They don't seem healthy to you because they're all soft and everything but you know I feel all backed up until I squeeze out that shit and then I feel GOOD, so I don't know what your problem is.

What's that? Nobody reads this and I'm just conversing with nobody? Could be. I guess that would indicate that I actually feel kind of guilty about my low-quality poos. Maybe that's true. I do take more satisfaction in a nicely coiled, fairly dark poo, and I realize my diet has been pretty poor lately...

Whatever, screw you! Look at that picture! It looks awesome!! and it wouldn't have turned out so well if it hadn't oozed out like soft-serve icecream and peaked out of the water. So you can shove it!

Oh, in other news the other day my hits hit a new one-day record of 15. I don't know who you are, but thanks.

Sporadic and uncomfortable

Nine years for Tesco poo sprayer

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/04/15/nine-years-for-tesco-poo-sprayer-115875-21279582/

A chemist who sprayed food in Tesco and Morrisons with urine and faeces was yesterday jailed for nine years.

Like that loopy optical illusion

The Top Eight Perfect Songs To Poop To

http://www.spike.com/blog/top-8-songs-to-poop/76090

There is nothing wrong at all with having a little music to set the mood for your special alone time with the toilet . It would be even better if you had a perfect playlist of songs formatted to your sporadic BM bathroom breaks. Well, you’re in luck because we've put together the ultimate mix for your daily release.

Coils upon coils

So after yesterday's bizarre dragon poo I thought for sure I wouldn't have anything interesting to show you for a while, but no sir, I looked down between my legs today and discovered that somehow my shit had piled on top of itself in an almost perfect coil. Coil is a pottery term of course, but in this context it becomes a potty term.

Unfortunately you can't quite see the coiling from this angle, particularly because by the end of the shit the pattern had begun to collapse.

The image looks distorted because of the angle which I took the photo at and the nature of looking through water.

A Dragon Poo

I wasn't intending on taking a picture when I went to shit for the second time today. You can see I'd already made a shit with a pretty good picture earlier today, so I didn't bring my fancy new camera into the toilet with me. So we're back to the cell phone camera for this entry. It's too bad too because LOOK AT THAT!!

So disturbing. it looks like a snake, or a dragon or something. It's all curly like some DNA or something. Crazy.

And no, I won't tell you about why I look at my shits if I'm not planning on taking a picture.

and yes, I bring my cell phone to the toilet all the time. I play sudoku.

lazy shits, ya!

I sat for a while for this one. It was like a project you know. You sit down out of an obligation and you take your time and you make a decent effort of it and when it's done, well look, that's a decent sized shit isn't it? Felt okay coming out too. Shits have been better lately. We'll see how that holds up.

I spent my time playing with the new camera while I sat. It's got a pretty good macro feature, but doesn't seem to have any manual focus, which is unfortunate. Means I can't take any arty photos on vacation I guess. Doesn't mean much to you though does it? Just a higher resolution than my camera phone and better colour.

New Camera :(

I was out taking some pictures for work with my girlfriend's camera. I was on my bike. I had a backpack, but you know, it was on my back. I had a bunch of different places to go to to take pictures so I shoved the camera into my coat pocket. This was on a wednesday.

On monday I realized I had no idea where my girlfriend's camera was and as I traced back through my memory I realized the last time I touched the thing was on the previous wednesday. I guess it fell out at some point!

So I called the restaurant my girlfriend and I went to for dinner, hoping that it had fallen out when I tossed my coat into the seat. Then I went to the location of the meeting we went to later. Then I called the comic store I browsed at earlier in the day, and the record store I went to after that. Nothing.

I didn't tell the girlfriend at first. I didn't think she'd be angry, just disappointed, so I found a similar camera for sale on craigslist and bought it. When I told the girlfriend she was upset, and then she was mad that I'd bought her a new one. I didn't think she'd like the new one but I thought she'd at least accept it. She wouldn't. So now it's mine.

Lucky you!

A Ball of Shit

So this is a new one. A ball of shit.

Not sure how it happened, but I think the little shits all piled onto each other and were sticky enough to cling to eachother and as it became off balanced it rolled, floating in the water, resulting in equal coverage on each side.

Wow, really makes you want to vomit eh?

Plus it throws my whole theory about my shits being on the rebound right out the window... or does it add a degree of poetry to the discussion?

Rebound.

Ball.

This was the result of morning coffee preceding the morning shit. Lovely.

I told off a lazy coworker today (via email, so it hardly counts) and she responded by saying, "You want me to feel bad but I don't because blah blah blah, you've taught me a valuable lesson about people" or something.  She totally full of shit. Probably doesn't even look at her poos.

So thick!

Well, not that thick. I've seen thicker shits (specifically from my girlfriend, guh), but this is thick for me, especially recently.

My girlfriend thinks my diet is poor. All I can think of is the addition of large amounts of coffee into my daily nutrition. I guess that could do it. But we're not just talking about my poos. I feel like my whole life has been suffering in the same manner as my craps. I don't feel good, or strong, or important at all anymore. I don't exactly feel depressed, or I haven't until the last couple of days, but in the last few months I've just felt useless.

In my group at school somehow I get by without doing much of anything because I always have insightful comments and whatnot. Now that it's time to create some content I'm at a loss. My grades haven't suffered though. I just got a paper back with an A- and I didn't put much effort into it.

I love my girlfriend and she loves me and that's all going great, but otherwise personally I feel like a total failure. I live with my brother, I haven't worked a job for money in two years. etc, etc. This is the kind of stuff I used to write about in my regular journal. I shouldn't subject you fine folks to this. I just thought there was a reasonable corelation between my poos and my moods. Now that the poos look better, maybe I'll get better?

Yeah, Solid man!

Look at those gorgeous logs! Okay, yes, they are a bit skinny, but they are solid and clean, holding together just fine. Look at that tall one, bending over from its own weight, but not breaking. These babies are strong, resilient, but flexible, able to adapt. Like a good leader.

By the by, I'm beginning to question my influence on the world. I feel like a non-being. I feel like a scent wafting through the air. Those who pass by are vaguely aware of my pressence, a handful may even pause to wonder where they recognize the smell from or what might be the source, but then continue on their way. 

See!

This is just what I was talking about the other day.

I was in the kitchen making a sandwich for lunch and my tummy was going blurp blurp blurp, but I figured it was just hungry. I got some cereal and started eating it while the water boiled for my coffee (to be saved for later). I ate my breakfast and poured my coffee into my thermos and my tummy continued to go blurp blurp blurp.

The last couple of weeks I've been early getting to work, which has been beneficial because I've had to poo just as I arrived each time. Pooing in the bathroom of a major institution of the city is undesirable. You never know who could be there at the urinal when you finish stinking up the place. So I thought I'd better just go sit and shit before I leave. and it was just the kind of shit I talked about in the last post.

It started off feeling fairly robust, but quickly became a series of wimpy little plip plip shits. Not a happy shit. Look how little those shits are. It's like a serving of french fries. yuck.

A rock slide

My stomach has been rumbling a lot lately. It doesn't make me feel sick, or like I'm gonna shit any second, but it's uncomfortable and very noisy.

My best guess about it is that I drink too much coffee and don't eat enough in general. My stomach feels empty most of the time. I still ride my bike very frequently despite living about 6 km from school. So I bike about 12km a day, which I imagine would burn a lot of calories? So maybe I'm burning more than I'm taking in? Haven't weighed myself though.

So my poos, as a result of this, can be fairly unpredictable, wimpy and unimpressive. Wimpy in the sense that they're sometimes way too soft and come out looking like ribbons of shit. Not nice. So i have to cut back on the coffee.

This morning I was thinking: What's worse, coffee shits, coke shits or beer shits. But that was stupid of me, beer shits are clearly the worst. They stink the worst and they feel the worst. But they usually only come about in the morning so they're predictable at least.

A poo of great regret

Not really.

I've had some awful shits the last few days. Shits that weren't really worth writing about or taking a picture of, just unpleasant to deal with. I had a very explosive coffee shit the other day, sprayed all over the back of the bowl like some kind of monster.

I've had some tough ones too, hard to get out, not too flexible, but I didn't really know what I could say about it, and I was at the girlfriend's so I forgot to bring my camera in with me. Sorry folks.

In other news I finally got my hands on a reasonably priced copy of Season 1 & 2 of Homicide: Life on the Street! I'd seen it in stores before but it was usually $80, and although it's the first two seasons there are actually fewer disks than the other seasons I have. I now have 1 through 7, which is pretty much as far as I want to go with Homicide. I think it goes up to 9, but at that point they were under so much pressure from the network to compete with Nash Bridges that the elements that made the early episodes so good started to take a backseat. I also didn't like most of the new characters.

And now there's The Wire, which I only just saw two episodes of last night. A couple of friends of mine are crazy about this show, and since it's from David Simon, who wrote the book and a bunch of episodes for Homicide you know it's good.

In poo news, well I don't know what to tell you. This one was ready to go last night but I didn't really feel like sitting down so I left it until this morning. You'd think it would have been bigger given the circumstance, but who knows. My bowels are a mystery.

Ah HA! Poo on you!!

So early in this blog I got a lot of comments about how unhealthy my shits looked. A lot of people said things like, "ugh, those poos look so soft!" or "What's with the pale colour? That can't be healthy!" etc, etc.

Well look at me now!!

I was shocked by this shit. It felt stiff coming out but when I sat up to look at it I was surprised by just how firm it appeared. Look at it! Click on the image and get the full size and look at it! Their like two wooden sticks man!

But guess what! In all the time that I've been making this blog the past two days were probably two of my worst days nutritionally. Tonight I ate two Whoppers from burger king because I got a 2-for-1 coupon. In the afternoon I drank a coffee. For lunch I had a slice of pizza and a bottle of coke. Breakfast was a big fat cinnamon roll. Last night I ate two Whoppers for dinner (there were a few coupons). Lunch yesterday was soup, and I drank coffee. Sunday I ate half a bag of chips for breakfast and followed that up with a bottle of coke and a king-sized twix for brunch.

Does that sound like a healthy diet? No? So how could it possibly produce such a "healthy-looking" shit? It couldn't possibly. The only conclusion that I can draw is that the people who poo-pooed my shits simply saw shits that were different from their own and judged them to be unhealthy, or "wrong". This happens so often in life. It's where racism comes from.

a word on administration

I'm quite proud of something. When I started this I devised a numbering system for my images. Yesterday's poo was called 090131.jpg and today's is 090201.jpg See how smart that is? In my file folder february 1 comes after january 1, and everything in '08 comes before that. People don't always think of that when they name things. They'd just call them January3109 and Feb109 or something like that. That won't help at all in the future when you have to go back and find a poo from a particular day and year. Naming the files like that could confuse you into thinking Feb108 is the right one. Well it wouldn't be.

I can't wait til my first anniversary. I might start some way of comparing poos from different years.

End of January

I wish I had the conviction to celebrate new years at the end of January instead of the beginning. I'm the sort of person who doesn't like to count his chicks until their hatched, you know? So the idea of celebrating a new year (president, coalition, whatever) before you even know how it's going to go seems a bit premature.  Obama's speech could have been terrible (actually it might have been, I missed it and haven't watched/read it since) and everybody could have lost all that hope and stuff.

A new year is like a new poo. You might have some idea of how it's going to go but you can't say for sure until you get out that first log/kibble/splash/whatever.

Tight hole poo

I had raisin bran and orange juice for breakfast and when i arrived at school I ate a granola bar and drank some coffee. I think the coffee did it. I didn't feel much like going immediately but shortly after there was an urgent need. It squeezed out like soft serve, but through a tighter hole. mine.

Doubles!

8:14am

8:26am

Well, you probably realized that the last few days have been a recap. I kept pooing for sure, but not posting, and again, I apologize for that, but if you haven't been reading along all this time and instead been reading back-posts you probably never noticed, only noticed the lack of content.

Sadly, even these two poos occured a couple days ago and I can not longer recall the circumstances of their production. What you might notice, and this does ring a bell for me, is the time between poos. 12 minutes. It's never nice to poo and not feel fully evacuated. And on this day, a friday, I would be working a field placement all day, and I'm not big on pooing at places of work. You know, just in case. I certainly wouldn't want to get caught. So after I pooed the first time and did not feel fully evacuated I had to make sure I pushed out every little bit. And I'm glad I did.

Headline Poos

More crooks hurtling feces through the air. Amazing.

http://lohud.com/article/20090124/NEWS02/901240346/-1/SPORTS

Sex offender charged with robbery, accused of kicking feces at cops

BY REBECCA BAKER
THE JOURNAL NEWS • JANUARY 24, 2009

• Read Comments(24)
• Recommend
• Print this page
• E-mail this article
• Share
• 

Text Size: Normal | Large | Larger

GREENBURGH - Cops have to deal with a lot of crap on the job, but this was a little too much.

Greenburgh police said an ex-convict from Sleepy Hollow lost control while being arrested in the robbery of his ex-girlfriend, going so far as to kick feces at officers who took him to the hospital for treatment.

Eugene Feeney, a 39-year-old registered sex offender, now faces criminal charges that could send him back to prison for up to 15 years.

The sordid ordeal began at 9 p.m. Thursday, police Lt. Christopher McNerney said, when a passing motorist reported a man and woman fighting at an automated teller machine at 1150 Knollwood Road.

Officers said they found Feeney grabbing a 37-year-old woman by her arms and the back of her neck. The woman, his ex-girlfriend, told police that Feeney forced her to the ATM and made her take out $100, McNerney said.

Feeney struggled with the arresting officers and started kicking his legs in the back of the police cruiser so violently that he almost broke out a rear window, police said. Police used a handheld Taser gun to subdue Feeney and brought him to Westchester Medical Center for treatment, McNerney said.

While in the emergency room, he defecated, and a small plastic bag containing marijuana emerged, police said. He then began kicking the feces at police and nurses at the hospital, McNerney said.

Police brought him back to headquarters and booked him in his soiled clothes. "We had to decontaminate the whole cell," McNerney said.

Feeney was charged with second-degree robbery and second-degree assault, both felonies; unlawful imprisonment, a misdemeanor; and unlawful possession of marijuana, a violation. He was arraigned yesterday in Greenburgh Town Court and held without bail at Westchester County jail.

Feeney is not a stranger to Greenburgh police. He was arrested there in 2004, accused of rape, and later pleaded guilty to a felony charge of criminal sexual act, McNerney said. Feeney served more than three years in prison and was discharged Dec. 5.

No poop (actually there is, but read this news story)

Edmonton reverend is fed up with public poop (and drug dealers, alcoholics, etc).

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/edmonton/story/2009/01/26/edm-signs-public-washrooms.html

Inner city needs more public washrooms: pastor

Last Updated: Monday, January 26, 2009 | 11:15 AM MT Comments12Recommend12

CBC News

Rev. James Holland hopes these signs will draw attention to the problem of public defecation in Edmonton's inner-city area. (Tim Adams/CBC)

Homeless people need a place to use the washroom, the pastor of an inner-city church says, and he is launching a sign campaign to send that message to Edmonton city council.

Rev. James Holland said he often finds human excrement on and around the grounds of his Sacred Heart Church of First Peoples in the McCauley neighborhood.

It's frustrating, but it's hard to blame people, he said. The only public washroom in the area isn't open in the winter.

"There is a tremendous need for people to have a place to go to the bathroom," he said.

Holland has cleaned up as much as five piles of human waste in one day, and last summer, he decided he had enough.

He put up large, professionally-made signs that read "No bodily functions", which featured a drawing of a squatting person with an "x" over it.

However, the city's parks department took the signs down, after someone complained about them being offensive.

Holland admits there is a bylaw against putting up signs without permission from the city, but there are also bylaws against public urination and defecation which are not being enforced, he said.

After some wrangling with city hall, Holland put his signs back up again. The city has now agreed to leave them there "until the community decides we don't have a need for them," he said.

Holland is now having signs made for people in the community who want them. He also has support from the McCauley Community League.

Holland said he is motivated by concerns about the health and safety of children who live in the area.

"It's certainly not healthy for our children to have broken glass and human waste laying around in the park," he said.

The city will look at the question of whether Edmonton should build more public washrooms on Tuesday.

A report prepared for council notes there are very few public washrooms in central Edmonton.

Vandalism, dirty washrooms, and the problem of facilities being used for drug use and prostitution have been identified as potential issues that will need to be dealt with.

Nothing but the Poos

I'm not a fan of poo that's outside of a toilet and today I went into the bathroom at school to pee and noticed a massive smear of shit all over one of the toilets and up against the wall. It must have been EXPLOSIVE. It was seriously sickening. I considered taking a picture for this blog but after a split second I realized my mandate is to document MY poos, not just anyone's shit.

In other news:

Mistrial after defendant smears feces on lawyer

The Associated Press

Posted: 01/28/2009 05:32:57 AM PST

SAN DIEGO—A San Diego home-invasion robbery trial abruptly ended when the defendant suddenly smeared feces on the face of his attorney and threw defecate at jurors.

Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Fraser declared a mistrial and hiked 37-year-old defendant Weusi McGowan's bail to $1 million pending a Feb. 9 hearing.

Prosecutor Christopher Lawson says McGowan was upset Monday because the judge refused to remove public defender Jeffrey Martin from the case.

McGowan had smuggled a plastic bag filled with feces into the courtroom and he spread it on Martin's hair and face before flinging the excrement toward jurors. No jurors were hit.

McGowan is charged with kidnapping for robbery, assault with a deadly weapon and other counts for an Oct. 17, 2007, home invasion assault.

Forever and Poo

I did not poo this weekend. Just wasn't a priority. So I left it until just now.

After "work" on Friday my girlfriend and I went out for dinner then back to her place where I did not poo. I kind of felt like I had to but it wasn't pressing.

The next day we had a lazy morning and then did a little shopping. I thought for sure I'd have to poo by the time we got back but there was only gas.

We made chili for dinner and had a nice warm bowl of it. We watched a movie and some tv but still. Nothing. 

Sunday was pretty lazy too, didn't eat too much until dinner time when I met with a friend at Sneaky Dee's and washed down some chicken wings with a couple pints of beer. Now it was just a matter of hours.

There still was no panic by the time I came back to my place. I calmly put away my things and turned on my computer, picked out a book and sat down on the toilet in the bathroom. and then: squeeeeeeeeze. ugh. squeeeeeeeeeze. ugh. etc.

It took a while, and it felt kind of thick. Wasn't a nice poo exactly, but it was needed.

A cuckold

I was at school and I felt like I had to poo a little so I headed for the accessibility bathroom. Something smelled a touch earthy in there when I went through the door. At first I thought it was just that someone had been in there before me, that I could handle, but as I approached the toilet I realized the smell wasn't from someone who had been there and left, but from something that was still there.

The toilet was full of toiletpaper with one giant shit sitting above the water grinning shamelessly at me.

I considered taking a photo, but decided that I didn't want to give any coverage to anbody else's shits on this blog. This blog is for my shit, not yours. 

So I waited until I got home and had a very nice poop indeed. Honestly the more poops I see (ratemypoo.com for instance) the more I feel that mine are not inferior, but more polite. They actually seem friendlier, nicer, know what I mean? I've gotten some criticism because they don't look robust enough, or "healthy", but like myself, my poos are comfortable in their own skin and don't feel the need to prove itself to anyone.

poo. it had to be poo.

Watched the Indiana Jones trilogy this weekend. I'd say all three stand up pretty well. For some reason everybody thinks Temple of Doom sucks or is the worst of the three but my girlfriend loves it the most (because she was once a small chinese child like Short Round) and after watching all three together you see that it really isn't any worse than the rest (and it's a lot better than Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls).

but that was the weekend and today is today.  After yesterdays long awaited shit I didn't poo again until today at 2:30pm. I was actually wondering when it might happen. I had class at 9 and after that drank a coffee and ate a slice of some kind of blueberry bread or something before going shopping for new office-like clothes. I was afraid I would have to poo in a mall bathroom, but it just didn't come! I stopped in at my girlfriend's place to drop some stuff off and pick some stuff up and I sat for a bit, but still, no poo! As soon as I got to my place though, POOP!

I peed, then I farted and thought I'd done a little more (I was still clean though) and then delivered this beautiful baby! all right!